To not want her boyfriend to come?

[itsnormalforbridgwater]

My 2 6th form friends want to meet up before I have my first DC in September, which is lovely. DF1 is newly in a relationship and DF2 is in a 10 year relationship. DF2 never brings her long term boyfriend (who I know from college) and it's generally a girls weekend with the exception of my DH being in the background when they come to my place.

We meet up every couple of months, normally at mine (they tend to invite themselves), probably because my DH is an amazing and generous host and they can't be bothered/don't have the space. I don't generally mind, as when I go to theirs they make absolutely no effort and I end up shelling out on restaurants and buying rounds of drinks, so I'd rather be in my own bed rather than on their sofa especially at the moment.

DF has planned our dinner (an amazing 4 courses) and has told me after he's sorted everything he's going to his study to do some revision. I've told them both this.

last week my friend text me saying "I'm not sure if I am supposed to bring mark or not?", I responded "whose mark?" "My boyfriend you've got to meet him?" "I didn't realise you were seeing anyone, how long?" "4 weeks" "I don't think we ever discussed bringing blokes? Is Emma bringing tom?" (Panic, I don't have enough beds and DH has ordered all the meat) "no, but I'm easy, can I bring him. You have to meet him at some point".

AIBU to say no, I really don't want you to bring your boyfriend, who I've never met to stay in my house and eat all my food? I'll say it nicer than that). I've got SPD and I'll have to clear out the study and make another bed for them.

Yes I will repeat do not psychology for the meals and drinks, I hope you weren't going to normal.

Pay silly auto correct

Oh now arrangements have changed for the better. I hope the OP takes the worthy advice of those on here who say that each should pay a share at the restaurant. It might be a third of the total bill or just pay for what you had individually.

I was going to say that I used to have ladies' lunches for a group of friends. We all had DHs but it was just for the women. The kitchen door was shut so they couldn't see what was going on in there. I explained that I had 'staff' in to cook the several-course meal. It was a dream of a meal with sorbet after each course. Dessert/pudding was home made chocolate baskets filled with home made syllabub. It was a superb meal altogether and my guests extolled it. Then I introduced my 'staff' - my late DH. He enjoyed cooking so perhaps the OP's DH also enjoys cooking to that sort of standard.

Aeroflot- He's an Orthopaedic Surgeon. He's trying his hardest to get a consultant position at the moment so he's only gone to do some brown nosing as the other surgeon is in theatre already and the over time doesn't hurt either.

Lying- No, he's trying to probably sew someone's foot/leg/head/whatever back on.

I am definitely only paying for my share of the bill. I'm going to get cash out!

I'm thinking Lying should perhaps hold classes. I'm in!

Wow fantastic that sounds great, dh family come from different branches of medicine, his dad is a GP, an uncle is a Endocrine specialist and his wife a Paedritrician.

I hope you have a lovely stress free weekend

All you with fantastic cooking dh, I am , mine can't even boil an egg

normal, I was being flippant about your husband and 'being needed' issues. I was think that you are needful of him at home as you're not well. However, as you say, some sucking up and overtime isn't a bad thing in moderation. Just make sure he doesn't invite his fellow surgical team (and the patient) back for dinner and cook for them...

I am very proud of you that you will stand your grown tonight. Stand back from organising the bill or calculating it. Suggest a straight split and leave it at that.

Dish... You're very kind but alas no, I'm great on a forum where I don't have to see little disappointed faces but I'd probably be worse than normal is in RL. It's very, very difficult and I know I'd need support to 'get it done'.

When I get nervous in situations like this Itendtotalkallinarush withnobreaths... [blush

Mine can't either, Aero and I don't have normal's husband's cooking skills myself.

No I don't lying, funnily enough when I met dh years ago he used to woo me with his lovely cooking, no he has it too comfy, I'm no Jamie Oliver myself

Aeroflot- same as my DH family- all GPs except for my DH who chose the route less travelled. I think he will regret it one day when the shifts/call outs catch up with him.

Without my DH I would probably be very skinny but very hungry! I'd have a go but id probably ruin it somehow.

You guys too. They are 2 hours late as friend 1 forgot her contact lenses. Am going to have my coffee allowance for the day and 'watch' the cricket.

And please read the brass neck thread. Your friends border on piss-taking.

Lying- If he does I am going to kick him out like Top cat!! Haha.

There aren't many people who can cook like DH. Thats exactly why they take the mickey I think. DH laps it all up and loves the praise (he's like a puppy sometimes and yes he does have some element of wanting to be needed and loved- loooong story)...I will definitely make sure he is needed when DD gets here!

Expat- I saw that thread earlier on this week and thought it was brilliant/unbelievable, but I've lost it now. Maybe on Sunday night I'll add my story.

Yes it can be far more stressful. Are you in medicine yourself?

I hope you have told them that you have booked a restaurant and expect them to pay their share. If they are genuinely skint they might not be able to afford that and might prefer to bring something or get a cheaper takeaway or something. It's not nice to expect them to spend a lot of money on a restaurant meal if they're skint & not expecting it. It might leave them short on money for essentials.

Also, you didn't go to her 30th because you didn't want to spend money on a hotel - even when it sounds like you could afford it - yet you resent them staying at yours... what would you actually prefer to happen when you meet up

Your friends said 'let's just have a lasagne or pizza' - it was your DH who decided it needed to be a 4 course meal etc because HE wanted to do it I'm not sure how that makes your friends 'users'?

Frankly, it doesn't sound like you like them very much.

BringMeSunshine's post illustrates perfectly why you need to stand firm, normal. A non-graspy person would make sure that they have enough cash to sustain them for a weekend, they would not be expecting other people to pick up the tab for them.

I think there's a very real risk that they wont have considered that the 'worm has turned' and you might be as well to give them a text to give them a head's up and enable them to pick up cash on the way.

Otherwise, the THREE of you will pay for a takeaway at your house...

OP says she loves them, BringMe. I would find it hard to distinguish between people I loved and wanted to do things for with those same people being so 'grabby' and non-reciprocating. It's very hard.

The friends never host, never put their hands in their pockets... I couldn't be like that. I would resent friends who were like that. A spa trip might be nice or night in hotel but not if I'm expected to pay for the whole thing all of the frigging time.

OP is going to reign in 'Heston Husband', ensure she only pays her fair share in future and all will be well.

Aeroflot- No, Im a solicitor specialising in employment/HR consulting. Part time as unfortunately I was made redundant in the recession and was trying to get back into something full time but we live relatively rural and nothing has really come up/I haven't been selected.

Bringme- No unfortunately I can't spend £200 minimum on a hotel at the moment, London hotels anywhere near my friends house are very expensive, even the bloody Premier Inns. I'm part time and my income is set to diminish even further when I go on mat leave next month. Believe me, if I could have afforded it I would have gone, I would have loved an evening out and the chance to put on a nice dress. The weekend would have cost me £500ish when you take into account the cost of a train to London, dinners, food, tube and hotel. Obviously I could sleep on the floor at her place, but at the time i was pregnant and had the beginning of SPD so it wasn't possible really. The time before that, I did sleep on the floor.

Even if we did make just a lasagne, its still me thats being volunteered to host all the time. Its not just about the food, its the principle really. They come to mine, I pay, I go to theirs I pay.

I don't know if they can't afford it or not, I don't judge what they earn as I used to think doctors were loaded but when I met my DH i realised how much student debt he'd gotten to train and how he's not flush at all. They work as lawyers in magic circle firms in London though, far more successful than me!

PS. Lying- I've told them we are going to the pub. The last time I went to friend 1's we went to a pizza restaurant and we all did splits then and in the morning we all did splits on lunch so she'd be mad to think i'd pay for her food. I AM NOT PAYING FOR THEM. I've got my cash from the village shop. I'm skint anyways!

Anyway they should be here soon so Im going to rush around and make my house look less like a a chinese laundry.

Thank you for the support.

Lying my thread has nothing to do with being 'graspy' or 'non graspy' The OP has said her friends are skint, they are going to spend the night at her house. They have said they're fine with Pizza/Lasagne etc Not everyone can afford to eat out at a restaurant at the drop of a hat and they were told the OP's DH was cooking, so no, perhaphs they wont have the money to eat out. This has nothing to do with 'sustaining themselves' for a weekend or having the 'tab picked up'.

The OP says she loves them - but then writes things that really don't indicate that, she doesn't speak well of them and puts them down.

The friends DO host, the OP stayed at one of theirs before she was pregnant. The fact is the OP likes them to come to her because her DH's house is bigger, her DH likes to Heston and she doesn't want to sleep 'rough' at theirs or pay for a hotel. Her friends are skint, they can't afford spa's, hotels etc. I don't see where the OP says she has paid for this in the past either?!

Wow that sounds really interesting normal, my SIL is a solicitor but specialising in big companies and cartels. I am a trainee Health Psychologist, I put my career on hold when I had dd and ds. I would like to change to do clinical psychology when the children are older. Your friends sound very flakey, inviting themselves very frequently, and not reciprocating. Even you said you had to think about what they do fir you, which is not a lot. Enjoy your evening

You could have stayed in a hotel in London for less than 200 - easily. You could have got the night bus/tube/taxi to a less expensive hotel if there wasn't one within walking distance of your friends, if you had wanted to.

You could have bought a few pizzas, garlic bread whatever - for less that it's costing them to get to you on the train. Seems reasonable to me. They pay for transport, you pay for a few pizzas to shove in the oven.

You pay when they are at yours then when you are at theirs because you aren't happy with the same things they are by the sounds of it. They're happy with a pizza in the oven, you want to eat out.

You can't have it both ways - you don't want to go to theirs, but are complaining they're always coming to yours? What do you want to happen?

Well - now you are changing what you have said - you said they were skint now you are saying they aren't or might not be or might be... FGS.

I'm putting it all down to hormones.

I hope you have a good time with them :)

BringMe... Did you see where OP says she has hosted numerous times and they have not? She pays all the time whatever she does so she might as well have comfort of her own home. Anyway, OP has explained it again now.