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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not know how to tell my children this?

86 replies

Themomentbefore · 13/08/2014 20:35

This will be short because I am in shock really. Probably AIBU not the best place for it but I know there will be a lot of traffic here and I am not sure where else it could go really.

I've name changed.

My ex H moved to Thailand a few years ago. He's always been quite involved with dc (as far as you can be from Thailand via Skype Hmm)

Today he tells me he is remarrying. She is Thai and he freely tells me she is a "bar girl", that's how he met her, but hasn't been for long, so it's fine. Whatever that means.

I've three dc and they're not daft, the oldest is 13.

I don't even know where to begin with this.

OP posts:
HumblePieMonster · 14/08/2014 20:29

HumblePie - If a man pays for sex with prostitutes he is a vile man and deserves everything he gets
Or, he's a man who wants sex and doesn't know how to get it any other way. Or, as one of the male victims mentioned above told me 'she's tiny, she's pretty, the women you meet here (uk) are all size fourteen plus!'
If a man is single, and prostitution exists, I don't think he's vile for using a prostitute. If he's married, that's different.

PiperRose · 14/08/2014 22:26

Jeez, there's an awful lot of judgement going on on this thread!

The thing is he's your ex, why do you care who he marries or not, and if your oldest is 13 I'd be questioning how they know what a 'bar girl' or even a prostitute is.

Just tell them daddy is getting married, and when he Skype's let him answer the questions.

lizzzyyliveson · 14/08/2014 22:37

Humble you must be 'aving a giraffe! Those poor male victims ie men who can't get sex with women who are smaller than a size 14. My heart is bleeding already. Do you have a collection box?

HumblePieMonster · 14/08/2014 22:45
Grin Now come on, Lizzzzyy, if they're being ripped off, which they clearly are, they are victims. I didn't say I liked his argument (I'm significantly bigger than a 14 - happily, I wasn't looking at him as a potential partner so wasn't offended) but he had specific requirements and went there to find a wife, not to lose all his money.
Ev1lEdna · 14/08/2014 22:59

but he had specific requirements and went there to find a wife, not to lose all his money.

No, really, he went there to buy a certain woman with his shopping list of "specific requirements" and because of this attitude to relationships he lost all his money. I'd say he colluded in his own downfall.

OP I agree that this is a very tricky subject particularly with the older child and one which your ex should deal with himself. I can fully appreciate that you are reluctant to see them hurt any more than they have already been - it is hard to see our children hurt. Your ex should be the one to deal with the tricky questions but the reality is the children will ask you as their trusted and present parent. I think you should take your lead from how much the ex wishes to divulge and just be as unbiased as you can. Who knows how this will turn out. Your children will make up their own mind regardless. for better or worse. You just have to be ready to support them.

mmgirish · 14/08/2014 23:41

I live in Thailand. Not all 'bar girls' are prostitutes...

KoalaDownUnder · 15/08/2014 06:17

mmgirish, can you dispel some of the misconceptions on this thread, then, please?

HumblePieMonster · 15/08/2014 07:48

I'd say he colluded in his own downfall
and I'd agree. but his problem was being a bit of a dim lad, not being an evil man. and he wouldn't have had a 'downfall' if he hadn't been conned by a prostitute whom he met when she was working as a bar girl.

KoalaDownUnder · 15/08/2014 08:46

Humble, do you actually know this person? How do you know what his 'problem' was? Or that she 'conned' him?

Your talk of 'silly men', 'dopey lads' and 'dim lads' who are being 'conned' by prostitutes is ridiculous. The OP's husband is a mature businessman who is old enough to have a child of thirteen, has been married before, and has lived in Thailand for several years. Why are you painting him as some kind of gormless victim?

You are making some very broad assumptions here, which frankly sound quite racist and sexist.

HumblePieMonster · 15/08/2014 11:40

I know the people involved. Trust me, silly men, dopey lads, dim lads and conned apply to each of them. Gormless, also, though its not a word I used.
Its neither racist nor sexist. Its just how it happened.

capant · 16/08/2014 08:31

Nope. If men choose to use a prostituted woman for sexual pleasure, they deserve everything they get.

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