To think it shouldn't be too difficult for a grown woman to cope with her own 3 children on a train journey?

[bluestrawhat]

Because is the reason somebody I know has given for not seeing her parents, instead expecting them to drive down or catch the train to see her when they're quite elderly and one has failing health. BTW she doesn't work and the children are in the middle of a 6 week plus holiday so no time restrictions. Do you think this scenario and the fact that the parents pander to it is a bit odd?

She hasn't got phobias. She has no problem with going outside.

It was actually, 'Good girl' because she'd reached 10,000 steps on her pedometer.

That's strange isn't it - to say, 'Good girl' to your 40 something wife without irony.

bluestrawhat - but how do you know she hasn't got phobias?

You would never have known when I was at my worst that it was a struggle to get out of bed - when you saw me at the school gates, or the supermarket you would never ever have known

One teenager. That's the one who needs to see her grandmother.

The dcs love their gps.

And wouldn't it be unusual for someone not to bother seeing their own parents for a couple of days during an 8 week holiday just because their kids weren't keen?

Going to see family, especially parents, is something most people do isn't it at least a couple of times a year unless there are issues?

Ok, the "good girl" for going for a walk comment has now been reframed.

Hmm.

If it's one of the older two children, they could go to gps on their own.

'but how do you know she hasn't got phobias?'

Aargh, I've known this person all her life. The does have a fear of flying (which doesn't prevent her going on very exotic holidays several times a year). Travelling is something she does do.

The gps live a max of 4 hours drive away (2 hours train ride) and don't involve getting on a plane.

Ilovesooty don't go there

Quite obviously you don't like her.

Why do you care? What is she/her parents to you that it matters so much ?

I cannot imagine my dh saying, 'Good girl' to me. I cannot really imagine any man saying that to his wife without irony especially not for something like that. This is one of the things I find strange - she is being infantilised by the people who are closest to her.

Absolutely not the case how. We are related.

Is it that hard for you to understand that she may have difficulties you are unaware of?

Just because you're related to her does not mean you would be aware of any difficulties she might have.

Ok she pisses you off with her adoring dh, lots of wonga and being a sahm with help but why are you posting about her?

how, I do recognize difficulties. She doesn't seem to. Neither does her dh or her parents who do seem to be colluding in infantilising her.

Oh sorry so is she your dsis?

I think it is a difficulty that she thinks of herself as incapable of getting on a train with her own 3 children but doesn't see this as a problem. And neither do her parents or husband.

As I say, this is not a one off.

Thebody, I'm concerned about her and her parents.

Is she complaining about being infantilised?

If she doesn't have an issue with it, why on earth do you care?

No matter if you're related or not, you have simply no way to know if she has difficulties.

I'm close to my brother. I still wouldn't tell him all my problems.

Nor, for the record, would I tell my parents, primarily because one of them is in ill-health and they have enough on their plates.

Why do you care so much? What relation is she to you that you give so much of a shit?

So she doesn't have a problem with it, her husband doesn't, nor do her parents.

Wouldn't that lead you to just shrug and just go not my fucking problem? Or else assume that there's an issue you're not aware of?

Thanks for your interest how but I'm not finding your comments very helpful.

I don't think it's wrong to care about people you're close to.

Bowing out now.

Thanks for your comments everyone. They have confirmed that this person has got issues and I just need to think about what to do about them.

Well you've expressed caring about someone you're close to in a way that I've obviously taken all wrong. because I read your posts as if you were pissed off with her.

I don't see what you can do. If her parents put up with it it's their own silly fault. Their dd takes them for a ride. They love her and their gc they're going to put themselves out.

By all means tell the parents what you think. Suggest they should refrain from helping due to ill health and her being perfectly capable of travelling to themif it benefits her. In your shoes I'd mouth off but I wouldn't say anything to the woman, unless she was my dsis or very close enough that my opinion would matter.

I think she means caring about the grandparents.

Tbh. I thought you were going to say the kids were small. In which case i would have to beat you with a stick, because i struggle taking them to the park
but if what you say is how it is then no yanbu.
There must be some other reason for her not wanting to travel. Anyone's guess as to whether that is a social phobia/ tricky history with parents/ inconsiderate and princessy woman.
.?

Yes, it is v strange for her not to be able to cope in these circumstances and it seems v selfish to make elderly/ unwell parents travel.

Sounds as if she has been treated like an incapable baby all her life and therefore behaves like one.
Not sure there is anything you can do unless the grandparents are happy and able to say something. I suppose it depends how close you are to them and to this woman as to whether you can say anything.