To think it shouldn't be too difficult for a grown woman to cope with her own 3 children on a train journey?

[bluestrawhat]

Because is the reason somebody I know has given for not seeing her parents, instead expecting them to drive down or catch the train to see her when they're quite elderly and one has failing health. BTW she doesn't work and the children are in the middle of a 6 week plus holiday so no time restrictions. Do you think this scenario and the fact that the parents pander to it is a bit odd?

You're right that it's ultimately up to the grandparents. Trouble is that they would never say anything to her and unless they made the effort they would very rarely see their daughter or grandchildren.

Firstly I think its none of your business in reality but there may be other reasons - the "3 children on a train" might just be an excuse (and you're not being told the full story). Maybe she doesn't want to stay with the GPs - thinks its too much for her + 3 children to be put up by the GPs / fed / watered / looked after. Maybe she thinks it will be better for her & the children to stay in their own house with their things / friends close by so they're not reliant on GPs for entertainment etc and the older children can go out / ease the pressure on all 6 of them being together pretty much constantly. Maybe she doesn't want the GPs to have the stress of shopping / feeding / cleaning etc for their visit but knows they would be insulted if she told them and so gives an excuse which makes her look a little off.

But no, on the face of it, she should be easily able to look after 3 children of that age of a train journey, but suspect that's not the issue.

Is your friend Mrs Poulter?

I could certainly cope with taking my 3 (DD, 10, DS1, 6 with MLD and DS2, 2) on a long train ride but i wouldnt relish the journey. For me if the GP's could manage and wouldnt mind then i would prefer them to come to me.

At the ages you said then i would probably go to them. Although maybe the elderly GP's like a trip out though.

I've taken my triplets on train journeys many a time on my own, along with their older brother right from babies, longer journeys from around the age of 3. Bribery was always my friend, plus people were generally very interested in them.

You may be right Mandy, but even if any of that were the case it's pretty selfish isn't it? There is no reason to think this person would really struggle to make this trip but the grandparents would and she is, or should be, very well aware of this. One of her parents has a serious illness.

Also, it is at HER request. She wants a favour from one of her parents (for one of the children).

LeBear, that is very much the sort of thing this particular person complains about!

well, all of you who think she should do it because you reckon you could, stand over thair ----->

and those who think it's none of anyone elses business stand over thair

It always surprises me the amount of people who suddenly can't do all sorts of simple things when they become a parent.

Quite embarrassing to tell people you can't travel by train as you have children.

Yanbu. I only have two dc who are 7 and 3 but I do it .

Depends on the history.

My mother used to expect me to make a difficult train journey on my own to see her with my DCs, plus luggage, buggy, etc, and not even bother to come on to the platform to help me at her end - she would sit with a coffee watching me struggle from her vantage point by the main entrance - so eventually I just thought 'Fuck it'.

I think the DCs have said GPs is boring and refused to go, or she knows they will be trying and awkward for her parents and she doesn't want to offend her parents by saying so.

This is definitely not about the train journey

My mum used to take myself and my older brother on a 7 hour train journey to see family every year - that included a train change and tube journeys. I was in a pushchair for the first year or two. That was our yearly holiday and the only way we could go so it was important.

I'm not sure I would want to do it and am still a little in awe of how she managed us, luggage and entertaining us all those hours on a train.

If she really wanted to, then she could, I think thats the issue tbh.

I agree.

I stopped wanting to do it.

16 should be an asset, not part of the problem, and 12 is on the cusp. Barring any SN issues - which you might not know about - she is either being lazy or does not want too much contact with her parents.

I think what you actually mean to say is " I think my sil/dil etc is being unfair not seeing her elderly parents, despite having older kids and being able to take a train and that she is lying about the reason. Oh and she's rich and does nothing. AIBU

So, in answer to your aibu, there could be numerous reasons why she can't/won't take the train, that we do not know about, but on the surface she does seem able to get the train so no YANBU

With regards to how much money she has and whether she works or not, YABU because its irrelevant

No, I don't think its selfish if any of the reasons I gave are true and the daughter is giving the "can't cope on the train" as an excuse because she thinks its actually better for everyone / less stressful & expensive for GPs etc for GPs to go to her.

Well, given the ages of the children I am inclined to say Yanbu.

Why is it any of your business OP?

It may be that the children don't want to stay with their grandparents in their school holiday and she's being kind by pretending its the train thing.

fun, I suppose the money is relevant because she might have a point if the cost of the journeys was an issue.

vest, I'm not sure if I should make it my business. I'm concerned about the grandparents in this scenario. I suspect they feel that they can't say no but really they shouldn't be put in this position.

The dcs not wanting to go is not the issue. The woman wants the visit to take place because one of the dcs wants some help with something from her grandmother.

Thanks all.

You have confirmed for me that the whole scenario is a bit odd. There are no SNs or any other reason why the woman in question can't make the journey.

In general, she finds a lot of things that most people would take in their stride very troublesome and I think this is part of a much wider problem. What bothers me is that the grandparents become the victims of her apparent 'inability' to do very much.

Interestingly, when my oldest sister said something to my mother about my youngest sister "taking advantage of her" by letting her stay with her for awhile, my mother's response was "And what right do you have to decide my life for me? I do what I want, thank you very much. Butt out!" For which I silently gave up a cheer (my older sister is a busybody)

Just going on the facts that you've posted I'd say it was seriously odd that she doesn't think she can cope on a train with NT children of those ages.

and my mother is elderly (mid-late 70s) and has some health concerns.