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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have taken DDs friend to get the MAP?

53 replies

shaylla · 13/08/2014 15:56

Name changed for this.

The friend, lets call her Louise, is 16, and her mother has no knowledge of the fact that her daughter is sexually active. She cant talk to her own DM.

I feel bad for Louise's DM. I would be heart broken if one of my DCs felt they couldn't come to me. However i cant tell the DM. I hardly know her and Louise wouldn't want that. AIBU?

OP posts:
CatKisser · 13/08/2014 15:58

I couldn't talk to my mum at that age. Not at all. I'd have killed to know someone like you who'd have done that for me.
YANBU.

kimlo · 13/08/2014 16:00

If she cant talk to her dm its better to have someone to help than nobody.

I would talk to her about needing to protect herself in the future, and encouraging her to try and talk to her dm if at all possible.

Agggghast · 13/08/2014 16:02

You did the right, but painful, thing. Hope she is OK.

ICanSeeTheSun · 13/08/2014 16:03

It's a shame that at 16 this young women can't talk to her mum about sexual things.

Jackie0 · 13/08/2014 16:03

I would have been supportive with advice and told her to visit GP/ family planning or whatever system is in place where you live but I wouldn't have actually taken her. It would feel like overstepping the boundary .
Every situation is different though and her welfare would be the most important issue.

InanimateCarbonRod · 13/08/2014 16:04

Yes you did the right thing. At sixteen I would have happily cut my own arms off than talk to my Smother about sex and contraception (she's a textbook narc) She would have given me loads of verbal abuse and probably might have actually killed me. I would have loved to have someone like you to turn to at that age. YADNBU

NovemberRainbow · 13/08/2014 16:04

I think you did the right thing, I would also keep an eye on her. Just Incase the MAP didn't work or was taken too late. She may need further support.

Is she scared of a bad/strict reaction from her mum? Or more embarrassed?

Tapirbackrider · 13/08/2014 16:06

I've done this for one of my dd's friends - the girl was (with reason) scared of telling her parents that she needed the MAP, my dd knew this and brought her to speak to me about it.

I helped her to get what she needed, and had a wee chat about safe sex etc.

dawnlight · 13/08/2014 16:07

You did the right thing, she's old enough to go to whoever she wants for advice.

Tapirbackrider · 13/08/2014 16:07

Oh and most definitely NBU to help her when she really needed it.

Edieandkoala · 13/08/2014 16:08

You were right, I would do the same thing.

musicalendorphins2 · 13/08/2014 16:12

I went myself to the GP at age 16 for BCP. It wasn't even in my city, I had to travel by bus to get there.

Why did this girl not just go on her own?

Littlef00t · 13/08/2014 16:12

Def did the right thing, I presume she has learned from the experience. You were dealing with the consequences, not encouraging sex.

musicalendorphins2 · 13/08/2014 16:21

Oh, I only just realized what MAP is...the Morning After Pill. I thought you were talking about some kind of birth control.

RedToothBrush · 13/08/2014 16:30

musicalendorphins2 Wed 13-Aug-14 16:12:21
I went myself to the GP at age 16 for BCP. It wasn't even in my city, had to travel by bus to get there.
Why did this girl not just go on her own?

Why should she? Surely its better to go with someone who is giving support and can help after the event, and they can trust in case there are more complex issues or things she lacks the maturity to deal with.

I just think 'bully for you do you want some sort of prize?'. What you did has got nothing to do with this girl. Its not a competition.

julieann42 · 13/08/2014 16:31

I did this too for my DS girlfriend...I felt uncomfortable that her mum didn't know but at 16 it was her choice wether to tell her mum or not!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 13/08/2014 16:35

You did the right thing. If she needed support she was fortunate that you were able to provide it. The priority is dealing with emergency contraception, the reason why she feels unable to talk to her mum and the need for emergency contraception can be dealt with later.

LineRunner · 13/08/2014 16:37

I would do this, yes.

randallsummer · 13/08/2014 16:39

I'll go against the grain and say I don't feel it's appropriate.

LineRunner · 13/08/2014 16:40

It might not be appropriate but I would still do it, because the outcome overcomes etiquette.

randallsummer · 13/08/2014 16:42

True, but I think I would have taken her to get it on that occasion but made it clear I wouldn't be put in that position again.

LineRunner · 13/08/2014 16:44

Fair enough. She needs more reliable contraception. I would help with that as well.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 13/08/2014 16:50

Oh, I only just realized what MAP is...the Morning After Pill. I thought you were talking about some kind of birth control.

Confused The MAP is emergency contraception so it's still some kind of birth control.

minipie · 13/08/2014 16:56

YANBU

My mum did this for my friend when we were 14.

Friend had got drunk and thought she'd had unprotected sex and told me. Friend was grounded by parents and couldn't get MAP herself. It was prescription only back then anyway. And absolutely could not tell her own (very very Christian) parents about the possible sex.

Mum got the MAP (dr friend who was equally sympathetic), I came to visit on pretext of sharing homework and gave it to her.

I'd want someone to do this for my daughter if for some reason she thought she couldn't talk to me.

Marmiteandjamislush · 13/08/2014 17:00

YANBU, but is there anyway she could stay at yours tonight, in case she reacts badly or something. How will she explain that to her mum?

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