AIBU? Or am I overreacting?

[DarthvadersUndercrackers]

Long, but dont want to drip feed.

DD is 16. She has a myriad of health problems including hypermobility which means any knocks etc can damage her joints.

She is currently on holiday with MIL and last night they went to the theatre to see a show. Not a big production, just a song and dance thing. The atmosphere was good, very much 'singalong' and at the encore many people got out their phones to record the last couple of minutes.

On seeing half the audience do it DD decided to record a few seconds to show me (and it would have been a few seconds as she sends short videos via Vine or Whats App). I've seen the video she took it's a few seconds and her phone is so low she's actually only got the people on stage from the waist down.

It's important to note here that the phone wasn't obscuring anyones view, and as I say at this point half the crowd were recording the encore.

An older 'lady' and I use the term loosely, who was sat two rows behind (the seats sloped so unless she was looking down at DD rather than straight at the stage) leaned forward and physically slapped DD around her wrist so hard she dropped her phone. The slap was hard enough to leave a mark and incredibly fortunate that it didn't dislocate her wrist. DD forwarded me the video, it's a total of 5 seconds. So she lifted the phone, pressed record, the woman hit her immediately and DD dropped the phone. This is shown on the video.

I am bloody furious tbh. Why did this lady not pick a fight with any of the other older ladies around her who were filming? Why didn't she slap the women either side of her? I'm guessing because DD is young and in a minority in that audience she made an easy target.

DD wanted to report it to staff immediately. MIL wouldn't let her. Arriving back at the hotel DD was quite upset and told me all about it. She said she was returning to the theatre today to report it as she had the womans seat number. MIL refuses to let DD report the incident and doesn't think it's anything to bother about. I do and DH does as well.

So MN, what do we do? Let it go or shall I report it myself from here for DD?
She's fed up, upset with MIL's attitude towards the whole thing and wants to come home.

I would report, it's assault. It does our daughters no harm to fiercely defend their right to be safe. Your MIL has really let her down:(

MIL was wrong. DD was assaulted. I would report it....they might be able to work out WHO hit DD from the seating. I would be LIVID. If I'd have been there I might have called the police frankly.

I'd report it, she assaulted your daughter. I'm pretty sure MIL would have reacted differently if it was done to her. YANBU

Your MIL's view is irrelevant, your daughter was assaulted by a member of the public. She could have been badly hurt, as you say, and her property damaged. Does your DD feel comfortable going to the theatre alone? If not, you could probably wait until she gets home and phone, or phone on her behalf now.

I'm not sure the theatre would do anything though. And I know if I say to call the police many MNers will shout me down for being ridiculous.

MIL is probably a left-over from that generation that were raised never to make a fuss about anything.

No, your DD shouldn't have been filming, and the fact that "everyone else was doing it" isn't an excuse. But the women is far more in the wrong for assaulting your daughter over it. Why would she care anyway!?! It's for theatre staff to enforce their no photography policy, not random audience members.

Report it. Whilst I doubt the company will bother to do anything I do think it's important to send the message to your DD that yes it does matter if some one hurts her.

report

I am livid, but I was wondering if its a totally OTT reaction. DD is incredibly upset that MIL isn't supporting her on this and I'm 200 miles away and stuck with what I can do for her.

I've asked DD to write down everything that happened and I'll be contacting the theatre later. You just cant go round slapping young girls. If I'd have been with her I'd have gone stellar.

I'd definitely report it to the theatre so that your DD knows you took action.

You can't just go around slapping people for recording on their phones!

Having said that I'm not sure what the outcome would be - what would you want to happen OP? If the theatre could identify her (assuming she paid for the tickets herself by credit card or something) would you want to take it further?

Report it to the police-your dd is 16 and doesn't need your MIL's permission or presence to make a complaint

Yes report. It's an assault. Your MIL sounds bonkers.

I don't want refunds etc, I just want DD to know that it's unacceptable behaviour and as a young woman she doesn't and shouldn't have to accept that.
I'm trying to upload the video, it's literally 2 seconds then you see the phone drop as she hits her.

I think the woman WBU for slapping your daughter, but your daughter was aksi BVU for recording in a theatre. It's irritating and distracting from the show to have the glow from someone else's device and regardless of whether it's obscuring someone's view it's incredibly bad manners. It doesn't matter if other people were doing it too. All theatres ask people not to do this and I hope you have told her off.

Report.

Well done to your daughter for having the confidence herself to know it's the right thing to do.

I'm astounded your Mil didn't rip the other woman apart particularly considering her own gd has health problems. Stupid woman.

Sorry this happened to your girl when she is so far away from home.

To echo other posts - report. She was assaulted. Don't let her get away with it.

The woman may have been trying to knock the phone out of the way. Just a thought.

I wouldn't report to the theatre as quite honestly I would expect them to just shrug, this is assault and completely out of their hands it needs reporting to the police. The police can liase with the theatre to get any information needed.

YANBU. It might be annoying seeing phoned out but that does not give anyone the right to slap someone else. If your DD had been a guy I doubt the woman would have touched him!

Your Mils attitude is awful.

Did any of the other people around do/say anything about the incident? I can't imagine keeping quiet if I witnessed that even if I had never met the victim!

Ok, I've managed to upload the vid. It is 5 seconds long and in portrait mode, she was holding it in front of her so the woman behind wouldn't have been bothered by it as it was in front of herself iyswim.
As you can see it's not held up, it's just in front of her.

jennifer regardless to me that would have been just as bad. It was a physical response that was totally unwarranted. An 'excuse me do you mind' would have done the trick.

tinypic.com/player.php?v=25anbk6%3E&s=8#.U-tCpYBdVQM

The woman was bang out of order but your dd shouldn't have been filming a theatre production - the fact that loads of other people were filming doesn't make it right.

I would report the woman - the theatre may have credit card details that could trace her (not sure if that is legal, though).

surf the two people directly behind DD witnessed it as the woman who hit her leaned between the pair of them to do it. She then apologised to the women for leaning through.

Sadly none of them said a word.

Make sure she takes a photo of the mark...

DD realises she shouldn't have been filming I add. She thought that given so many others were and she wanted to share a few seconds with me she could discreetly do it. As I said this was the encore, last song and it was a very casual, sing along atmosphere.
DD is more used to gigs where you can film a snippet of music without problem.
She won't do it again.

That's awful! Definitely report it.

Whether she was filming or not is irrelevant, you don't go around slapping people!

Your mil would be getting an earful from me...