To not specifically encourage DD to only date rich blokes when she's older?

[erineve]

DD is 15. Someone I know has a 20 year old DD. She has always encouraged her DD to make sure she settles down with someone who is well off financially. Her DD has now just had a baby with a man who is almost twice her age, and the mum is happy because she sees this man as rich. He has a business, a land rover, a fairly large house with a pool etc, and those things seemed to be the main thing that the mum and her DD are bothered about.

Similarly I was at school with two sisters whose mum went on at them all the time about only dating rich men, and both ended up marrying men that are well off. I don't think they would have dared to settle down with someone who wasn't wealthy!

The woman with the 20 year old seems to think that anyone who doesn't encourage their DD to marry well is weird. My main concern is that DD is a) happy and b) that she ends up with someone that treats her well. Money doesn't really come into it, does it?

What!!!!!!

How about encouraging young adults both daughters and sons to earn their own money to try to be self sufficient.

There was a thread on here ages ago (on relationships I think) where the general consensus was a mans wallet DID matter.

It surprised me.

YANBU

If she wants money, she can earn her own.

The mother of the 20yr old sounds like she's living in the 1950s

I wouldn't say marry rich. I would say marry someone financially competent though. There are many horror stories on here of partners running up big debts.
Actually, financially like minded may be a better thing to say - similar appetites to risk, savings and purchases perhaps?
DD will ignore you and marry whoever she wants to anyway

YANBU.

But.... a man who has his own m

(Grrrrr...)

....a man who has his own money (or skills/sense/aptitude to make m

My mum encouraged me to earn my own money. If the 20 year old has had a baby but isn't married then she's not really financially secure anyway

Trapper I agree.

I can't believe mothers still in this day and age encourage their daughters to find a rich man.

FFS!

...a better catch than someone who doesn't. Providing they are also decent, kind, honest, funny, caring etc etc.

Money isn't the be all. But there are decent men with money.

What my daughter's partner earns doesn't come into it

I have always encouraged her own work ethic and the importance of being independent and able to support yourself

anything else is a recipe for disaster

Money issues are the of the most common reasons for divorce. Presumably the stress of being short of money puts on a marriage especially with DC's etc.

Money definately makes life easier and gives you a lot of options.

It is important but not the most important thing in a partner. Ambition and willingness to work hard are more important. Being responsible with money is also important. But this applies to both partners not just the man.

And of course DDs should learn to be self sufficient. Goes without saying. My exP certainly wasn't and it was bloody hard work making ends meet.

A decent man in every respect, who can support himself AND for your DD to never be financially dependent on anyone. Esp not a man.

YANBU, but my mum was always dropping into sentences when I was younger "Oh yes one day when you marry a millionaire..." or using it as shorthand for herself, some fantasy dream "One day when I marry a millionaire I'll move to the coast".

I didn't think anything of it then but now I think it's weird. What about "When you make your millions" or "When I make my millions"?

And may be a coincidence, but she has never ever had any money.

Transpose 'rich/well-off man' with 'earns a good wage, knows the value of hard work, acknowledges responsibilities to dependents'.

I'm not necessarily condoning, but as someone who was bought u to believe that it's not necessarily the size of the man's wallet but how he earns it that matters, I understand.

There is no way at all that I would ever have hooked up with someone who couldn't earn a wage

I hope mine marry nice kind blokes/ women who are prepared to work hard and support their family.

I expect the same behaviour off my dcs too

If he is 20 years older she will have time and money for a second marriage. Good for her.

Hmmm.
Money grabbing harpy is the term that springs to mind...

Well, I'll be encouraging my DS's to work hard and look after themselves, and meet/marry girls who can do the same, not ones who are only interested in their wallets - how depressing that this is still seen as an option by some.

I doubt it's uncommon at all sadly.

We should want girls to achieve as much as they can rather than simply pick a man who earns enough so that they don't need to do anything.

Quite sad sometimes being a mother to a boy, not only may you end up with a DIL from hell but also have to fend off gold diggers.

There's a song from about a decade ago that I should point out is horribly misogynistic but is fairly appropriate here; m.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY