To not specifically encourage DD to only date rich blokes when she's older?

[erineve]

DD is 15. Someone I know has a 20 year old DD. She has always encouraged her DD to make sure she settles down with someone who is well off financially. Her DD has now just had a baby with a man who is almost twice her age, and the mum is happy because she sees this man as rich. He has a business, a land rover, a fairly large house with a pool etc, and those things seemed to be the main thing that the mum and her DD are bothered about.

Similarly I was at school with two sisters whose mum went on at them all the time about only dating rich men, and both ended up marrying men that are well off. I don't think they would have dared to settle down with someone who wasn't wealthy!

The woman with the 20 year old seems to think that anyone who doesn't encourage their DD to marry well is weird. My main concern is that DD is a) happy and b) that she ends up with someone that treats her well. Money doesn't really come into it, does it?

"Marry a man for money and you'll earn every penny"

Read that on here once and think it's very true.

That's so true.
Certainly in my sisters case :(

I once overheard my (now) MiL saying that her daughter 'had' to stay with me becasue of my money. It was funny, because I didn't really have any. What I did have though (I guess) was a decent earning capacity, my own home, etc. Her daughter also had these things, but the MiL comes from a generation where women where (to a certain extent) woment were kept. I also think it had root in the fact that she (MiL) had very different expectations for her own life. My FiL talked a good game, but didn't deliver (in that respect). It also didn't help that MiL's sister married a millionaire who has been equally unhappy and depressed with her lot

I want my kids to be solvent, and to look for the same in their partners.

there is indeed a word for those who provide sexual services for money. Adding a marriage certificate doesn't change that word.

I entirely agree that financial competence is a very desirable characteristic. Money is needed, but both partners should be capable of earning it and spending it wisely.

I wouldn't encourage this, I'd encourage a dd to be financially independent .

Theres an awful lot of girls encouraged to marry rich men by their mothers who end up pregnant and having to marry or live with the local scally. University and a career path seem a statistically more promising option.

YANBU.

I have a cousin who was encouraged to work in a particular field because it would potentially introduce her to wealthy professional men in a different branch of the same field (trying to be discreet here!) Lobamd behold she met someone, as planned, and they married last year. She is the least empathetic and one of the most spoilt people I know and I would be horrified if I came across her in a professional capacity.

The other most spoilt person I know is her sister, who puts up with a philandering, self obsessed pig of a man because he is wealthy. She wants his half-sister's life which involves no work of any kind and the best things that money can buy.

I once introduced an ex to their parents (my aunt and uncle). They immediately asked what he did and were disgusted when I replied that he was a trainee chef. They are generally awful - racist and snobby - so I'm used to it.

I would absolutely encourage my DD and my DS to find a partner who is hardworking, ambitious and has good earning potential. Cock lodgers, gold diggers, dreamers, spendthrifts need not apply!

I know someone who was raised on this attitude, she got married at 18 to someone with great prospects. He earned a lot in technology in the 80s and they travelled the world in style and lived the good life. They had fertility probs and couldn't have a baby so she basically just ran their home for fifteen years. They eventually conceived with IVF and bought a big house. Then the dot com bubble burst, he went bankrupt and the house is in neg equity. They can't afford to maintain it. She had to get a menial job and that's all the money they have coming in.

You never know what will happen.

'Rich' maybe a wrong way to put it, rather than "stay away from losers with no ambition, no perspective, no education/career, etc."
Hard to really understand when you're very young, but with age it makes sense.

I was born in the 70s and we - girls - were actively encouraged at school to do well and earn our own money.

I am often surprised at some attitudes I come across from much younger women with regard to expecting to be kept by men, marrying well etc

The problem with the 20 year old trophy wife in the OP is that her position will be in danger if/when someone younger and better looking cones along.

IME, rich men marry women of equal status educationally at least, a lot of my friends who 'married well' met their DHs at work or at university.

Maybe it should be the boys we concentrate on sending the message too as well then. Encourage them to look for a working self supporting spouse who loves them for who they are rather than eyeing up their salary to see how soon they can stop working if they ever did.

I do not see the problem. The husband gets a much younger woman on his arm and the daughter gets an rich husband. They both win.

What we should all do of course, is to make our dcs realise that they've already been feckless by not being born to wealthy parents (assuming they haven't) because that's what really matters ...
In the meantime, crystal balls should be handed out once young people start dating, so they can tell in advance that their wealthy prospective beau will remain wealthy or hit skid row in their 30s.

Rebecca, hopefully that's sarcasm otherwise what a depressing view.

If women are going to do that they may as well be honest and just charge for their services.

"The husband gets a much younger woman on his arm and the daughter gets an rich husband"

Until the youth runs out
Until the money runs out

Shite basis for a marriage.

We may not be cash rich but we are rich in love, laughter and respect. You cant buy that, no matter how pretty/young/rich or well hung you are.

I don't think money itself matters (for richer, for poorer and all that) as you don't have a crystal ball.

Work ethic, prospects, the ability to manage money - these things I think do matter. They matter in a partner, but far more so in the young girls themselves!

It's an unpopular view on here but I never have and never would have started dating someone who was in a minimum wage job and content to stay there. Then again my own personal ambition was to have a well paid career, so I don't think it's unreasonable to want a partner with similar goals.

Obviously things happen and if DP suddenly couldn't work I wouldn't desert him! There's a big difference though between an established relationship and a potential boyfriend.

I was always encouraged to do whatever made me happy. I married a man who rented with no savings and an ok job. I had a mortgaged house, no savings and an ok job. Now, through supporting one another we have our own business and are quite well off.

I would always encourage my dds to follow their heart and do what makes them happy, although a wealthy man would be a bonus!

My parents ALWAYS encouraged me to only 'date money'. I often heard "love doesn't pay the rent" I only dated VERY wealthy men (the last before my fiancé was 15 years old and ridiculously wealthy we flew everywhere first class and I went on some amazing holidays, huge house in flashy part of London, we wer together for year). BUT I was so unhappy, I eventually met my fiancé (who despite being a banker) was unemployed when we met and has only just started working again earlier this year - I supported him and our baby until very recently. I am currently the happiest I've ever been. THE END

(Should read we were together for years).