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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be worried about seeing consultant about elective c section tomorrow?

113 replies

heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:13

I'm so nervous I actually feel sick. I had a three day Labour last time as I failed to dilate and spent two days at home labouring because I wasn't 4 cm. I never got to bloody 4 cm even with the syntocin! It was a horrendous experience and I've had trauma treatment on the nhs since as a result. I was shattered afterwards and got very ill with an infection.

I have thought long and hard and I cannot face going through that again.

Anyway. I have been told by my midwife I'll have to 'argue my case strongly' about getting one.

I have no idea how strongly I'll need to argue - I don't want to break down in tears and I'm scared I will.

It's triggering even now issues with body control and fears of invasive procedures like sweeps. Aibu to be so wound up?

OP posts:
BornFreeButinChains · 12/08/2014 11:17

Your MW opinion is her opinion,

I cant see how any consultant can write your request off when you have had trauma treatment.

I would state your case and if the consultant isnt going to immediately offer you one which is what they should do, maybe push a bit more but so you upset yourself, and leave and speak to PALS and tell them what has happened and get another consultant.

Its literally luck of the draw, and personal opinion, hospital stats.

Don't punish yourself with one, simply move on to next one.

I don't want to break down in tears and I'm scared I will

I didn't have to argue for mine but I was still in tears recounting the first birth and I sobbed for a good hour in a mad wailing crying I couldn't hold it in.

It was the right thing for me and a wonderful birth.

MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:20

Posted too soon!

even larger than the first.

The consultant wasn't having it at all really and left things "open".

I went the next day to see my midwife and she was angry and called the consultant herself and told her that I WOULD be having a c section.
Stick to your guns, it is YOUR choice and your RIGHT.

Don't be bossed about. Some of them are bossy and a bit scary but you have every right to a section. Take it.

alwaysdoinglaundry · 12/08/2014 11:21

I had a bad first delivery (forceps), went to see the consultant and said that I can't do it again - had nightmares and flashbacks about it. Planned CS booked. ignore the MW, some of them have real bees in their bonnets about CS. It is a very civilized way to give birth and I recovered much more quickly than from my first delivery. Good luck with it all.

alwaysdoinglaundry · 12/08/2014 11:22

Stick to your guns, it is YOUR choice and your RIGHT.

But go in with that attitude and expect to put backs up before you start. FFS.

MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:22

Oh bum! Missed the 1st part of my post!

What I was saying is that I had an emergency section with DD1 and it was found that my pelvis was too narrow.

with DD2 I asked for a section and the consultant (a woman) was all "oh there's NO reason why you can't have a natural birth this time."

I begged to differ. My midwife had told me to be firm but the consultant wasn't having it.

Nxt day my midwife called the consultant and basically told her I WAS having a section and that was that.

BornFreeButinChains · 12/08/2014 11:22

ignore the MW, some of them have real bees in their bonnets about CS. or she may know the op will have to fight and is warning her,

either way....dont stress yourself, this consultant saying no is not the end.

MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:24

Always nonsense. Go in with that attitude and you get what you want.

Sticking to your guns and knowing your right is not a "bad thing" for goodness sake! It's a good thing. It empowers people and many women are afraid of consultants so it's positive to know your rights.

MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:24

Born exactly. My midwife warned me before my appointment and I was well armed but still got cowed by my bossy consultant who I don't think had red my notes properly!

BornFreeButinChains · 12/08/2014 11:31

I was lucky, you get put to see consultant but there were two I could have seen, one would have been a hard nasty fight the other was more enlightened and it was pure luck I had the nice one. depends on how long appts were etc.

It shouldnt matter to anyone making such a large descion whether you get backs up, your implying they would punish you by triyng to make you go through labour if you got their back up!

alwaysdoinglaundry · 12/08/2014 11:32

Go in with that attitude and you get what you want.

Come in to see me with that attitude from the start and I won't go out of my way to help you. I'll do what I am legally and morally obligated to do but no more. I'm a GP by the way. I won't block things but why should I help someone who is arsey from the start? We are all human beings and if you start off by being stroppy, the person you speak to is likely to reply in the same way.

Go to the appointment, be open and honest about your reasons and it is likely to go well. Of course, if you find that the consultant is unhelpful/obstructive then you can ask to see another one, complain etc. But go in with the "it's my right" attitude from the start and it won't go well.

alwaysdoinglaundry · 12/08/2014 11:33

The phrase "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar" applies here!

Original poster
heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:35

Gosh thanks so much for posts. Really comforting to hear I do have rights and that seeing this consultant isn't the end of the world. So sorry to hear of bad birth experiences- but also pleased to hear of good experiences of planned c sections.

Any advice I should try to say or avoid saying?

Thanks all. I do feel better already.

OP posts:
Original poster
heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:36

X post always - I will try I promise!

OP posts:
MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:37

Always WHERE did I suggest being "arsey"? You appear to be labouring under the impression that a GP has more rights to a woman's body than she does. Hmm Which is arsey.

alwaysdoinglaundry · 12/08/2014 11:38

you suggested starting off by talking about it being your right - that sort of attitude is just going to put backs up.

MrsWinnibago · 12/08/2014 11:40

No I never. I suggested going in with the knowledge that it was her right...which it is. I never said she should "talk about" that at all. Read the comments properly.

backwardpossom · 12/08/2014 11:43

Good luck herald - I hope you have a similar experience to me when I met my consultant. I went in expecting a fight and was all prepared to have to argue my point, but the consultant couldn't have been nicer. He read my notes from my first delivery then said "well, it's up to you, I'm happy for you to go naturally but I'm also happy to book you in for a section." I said section, please and he got his diary out, had a look and replied, "right, you can have this date or this date, which would you prefer?" - I was amazed! We chose a date there and then and he phoned the hospital to book the theatre. I hope it's that easy for you too, OP Thanks

Original poster
heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:43

It's nice to feel more confident knowing my rights while feeling calm enough not to go in all guns blazing from fear.

I really appreciate input and debate about this. It's a hard thing for me to think about and face, and this thread is helping.

OP posts:
Cakebaker35 · 12/08/2014 11:43

My advice is listen and be open to everything they have to say, then say well thanks for all the info etc but my strong preference is for a c section and list your reasons so they are clear. If you do cry then so be it, that shows the strength of feeling and they have to consider your mental health too. Absolutely no need to be arsey or demanding, no consultants like that (or anyone I'd say), it gets you no where. If you feel they are not listening (and I'd be surprised if they didn't unless you happen to have a particularly horrible one!) then mention the nice guidelines, that you thought they had to take into consideration your wishes etc etc. you can leave the meeting open, they cannot make you do anything. It is their job to present the options to you, but not to force you into anything. Birth choices can be an ongoing discussion, not all about a single meeting.

Original poster
heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:44

Oh backward that sounds marvellous. I hope so too. I will report back after the appointment

OP posts:
Original poster
heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:46

Cake baker, I'll read those guidelines, thank you. It's nice feeling like tomo isn't make or break

OP posts:
TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams · 12/08/2014 11:53

Are you sure that your midwife isn't telling you this to ensure that you go in there and make a definitive and very firm "I will not consider a VBAC under ANY circumstances statement"?

In my experience - as soon as you sound a little unsure, they will start down the road of "lets see how it goes". But if you are firm in your position, then it's a done deal.

Original poster
heraldgerald · 12/08/2014 11:55

Thanks tread- maybe she is. She told me to choose hospital a (where I'm going) qrather than b, as there was more chance to getting the cs

OP posts:
BornFreeButinChains · 12/08/2014 11:55

I won't block things but why should I help someone who is arsey from the start?

Because you are supposed to be professional, and perhaps realise if someone does come in fighting it because of the system, so you could try and calm them down and tell them to relax and that you will listen to them, so there is no need for them to think they have to put up a fight!

Your really a GP?

BornFreeButinChains · 12/08/2014 11:57

you suggested starting off by talking about it being your right - that sort of attitude is just going to put backs up

It is her right.

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