AIBU to ask how many real friends you have?

[Froggio]

I only have a couple now that I can honestly say I enjoy the company of. I think I'm turning into such a grumpy old woman but all my friends seem to piss me off nowadays and I can't be arsed to keep in touch with them.
My best friend has turned into a big snob, is self obsessed and is married to a right arse. They stealth boasts on FB all the time it drives me mad. I know I know, I don't have to look at FB. We had another couple round yesterday and I couldn't wait for them to go. They talked non-stop, didn't listen, their kids were a nightmare and it ended in tears as she accused him of having an affair. I dislike another because she made a rude comment or 2 about my DH when he was going thru a rough patch of depression. Another is really flakey about keeping time, always complains about being so busy and is so self-obsessed.
Is it just me? It makes me so sad as I used to be a really sociable person but people just annoy me nowadays. The only people I like are my own children, a few of my family, and DH (and sometimes not even him!). But I dont want to be old and lonely!

I would say I have 4 very close friends and a few good friends but not the first I'd turn to friends. This makes up for complete lack of relationship with siblings and DP's siblings and their partners for various reasons.

Tbh, I don't think you actually need many people in your life to not be lonely. Just as long as the ones you have are good ones!

I think I must be weird in the world of MN, as everytime this question comes up, people come on posting that they have 2 friends or 3 friends.
I don't know if I have a different idea of what a friend is, but I count dozens and dozens and dozens of people as my friends

I bumped into someone today that I have probably only seen twice or 3 times in the last couple of years, and it was lovely to sit and chat for an hour, just catching up and chatting about nothing to consequential. I would class her as a friend of mine. Last week I met with 3 of the girls I went to school with (and I left school in 1981). Next week I'm meeting some former colleagues for a lunch.
I love socialising, and - again, I think I'm different from many that post on here - in that I love keeping in touch with people on Facebook. I don't see my friends sharing their 'good times' with their friends as people boasting though, I think 'oh, that's nice'.

None. Not really, anyway. When I stop to think about that, it utterly terrifies me. So I try not to.

Oh Op, did you read my mind?! Actually my very closest friend and I had a long over due catch up today and the main topic of conversation was the fact that both of us have come to realise that maybe you don't actually need masses of friends, you need a couple of really good ones . We've both had disastrous fall outs with a friend in the last couple of years, after managing not to seriously fall out with anyone for most of our 40 plus years. It's made us both feel a bit like your status!

However, I think we have just been a bit unlucky. I do have lots of really nice friends but I would say I have 2 very close friends that would drop everything if I needed them and vice versa.

I think it depends on what sort of person you are as to what you would call a friend. I know alot of people but I would call very few my friends and actually only maybe 1 really close friend who I would do anything for and vice versa. My DH is not very sociable and I wonder sometimes if he has affected my outlook. Certainly we've drifted from some friends because I believe they find him awkward to talk to or maybe not "fun" enough (he's just shy in big groups, that's all).

I have 10 close friends from uni who are scattered all over the country and I only see 4 or 5 times a year. Doesn't seem to affect the friendship though.

Local to me I only have 5 friends that I would say are as close as the university group. Lots of other friends but I would only socialise with them in groups really.

I'd say I am quite antisocial though so I understand that and don't think it is necessarily a bad thing. It is important to have your own space too. After a couple of days I am screaming (inside!) for people to get away from me.

Also - you say yoy have a partner. A functional relationship is something I've never achieved and would suggest that you're better with people than you think.

I also have lots of friends. A lot of people who I like to spend time with, who in return enjoy my company, who I could phone for a natter, who I could turn to for help, support and advice.

But really, deep down, I think the only people who truly know me and love me and tolerate me despite knowing all my faults and flaws are my immediate family. My parents, my husband and my children who are my real 'friend'.

I think there are friends and then there are friends iyswim. Someone once said to me that there were two types of friends. The first are friends that you had age / stage in common with. They're likely to be temporary friends - people who you are friends with because you have children of the same age, or you work in the same place etc. but if you remove that thing you've got in common, then the friendship will drift. The second type of friends are those that you have got personalities in common and these are the friends that tend to stay with you throughout life.

I have lots of friends in terms of people that I socialise with and see on a regular basis, this week for example, I've met up / socialised with 4/5 different groups (some individuals, some groups) of friends. Most of them are the first type, but a few are the second, and I have known for a long time.

My family also promotes family as being of utmost importance. When I was younger, it wasn't so much, but as I'm getting older, I think family has become much more important to me, and I now socialise with family one hell of a lot more. Particularly days out with my mum etc. I think having friendships with my family has become a lot more important to me, and friends less so over the years. I think that is true of a lot of people.

I have one best friend, we've been best friends since we were ten and known each other since we were six/seven. Been through so very much together and even though our lives are incredibly different now and he irritates the shit out of me for various reasons- poor time keeping and organisational skills, the most indecisive person I've ever met and also very fickle, I still love him and would entrust my life with him.

The only other person I would have considered a friend turned out to be a bit of a twat I think. We knew of each other in secondary school but only became friends about four years ago. We got quite close at the beginning of this year and met up regularly, messaged every day. It was wonderful because my best friend is a busy man and I don't see him very often so it was nice to have a more regular friend. Then she got a boyfriend and forgot I existed. At first I let her off thinking it's just new love but it's been a few months now and I can't actually remember the last time we spoke... When we did speak it was all about the boyfriend anyway and she'd give my messages very closed off responses. So not such a true friend after all.

People are complicated. I find it easier to steer clear tbh.

I have quite a few people I am friendly with, but only a couple of people I would consider actual friends, and one of those lives in another country so we only manage to meet every few years, although we talk most days. I'm the first to admit I am actually quite anti-social, but I like it this way

Close friends, two

Abit sad when I think how many best friends I had in secondary school and late teens. But it lost them all either to differences of opinion / choice of lifestyle / or exps disapproval

Out of my close friend group of 6 I now speak to none. Two I would say hi to in the street.

I don't think I have any true friends any more. I have people who I know and I would socialise with. I have people who I've known a long time and I'm pleased to see. I have nobody at all that I can tell the truth if my life to, or who I would turn to for help if I needed to.

I don't have any friends, if you define friends as people you would share your deep dark secrets with. I have people I know and who's company I enjoy for a short time but these are all friends of others. I like to think I am a bit of a butterfly, flitting from one to another, but in reality I am a product of my childhood and have never let anyone close. I don't actually know how to make friends, I am popular and will do anything for anyone but if they start to get close I back off. I like my own company and I'm not lonely. I don't feel the need for that kind of relationship.

I have a few very good friends.

It's about quality, not quantity.

Yanbu. My old (and 'real') friend was visiting yesterday, and we were talking about this very subject. We agreed that the less friends you have, the easier it is! Lol!

My definition of 'real friend' is perhaps a bit different to some on here. I consider friends a nice-to-have rather than an essential, and I don't look for friends to lean on/offload onto/be there no matter what. I deal with my own problems myself.

A 'real friend' to me is someone I can totally be myself with, and with whom I can share my thoughts on anything at all. A person I would let into my house in its worst state, a person I could ugly cry in front of, a person I genuinely like and want to spend my precious free time with.

I would say I have plenty of 'mates' - but about 4 or 5 realies.

To be honest, I think a lot of adults have a disneyfied idea of what a friendship ought to be.

Or maybe it's that I'm cynical about it.

Many years ago now, I was let down very badly by some friends I would've sworn I could count on. I was as sure of them as I have ever been about anyone.

It led me to believe that you can't actually realistically rely on friends to have your back 'no matter what'.
I am a self sufficient person, and never presume anything from others.

I think friends are a lovely life enhancement, but I don't see them as a life line.

I don't have any real friends. I have people I talk to, but no-one that I can meet up with or rely on. (unless you count DH).

I'm happy like that though. I find that the stresses of socialising aren't worth any of the benefits I'd get from it. I'm just not a people person. In fact, this post is probably as social as I will get all day.

I have one very good friend who is utterly fantastic & wouldn't want to be without & a few people who are simply friends. Can't be bothered extending my social circle tbh & am perfectly happy as I am.

I agree that it is about the quality of friendships, not the quantity! I would say I have 5 friends of the sort I can call any time, could ask favours of, talk to about personal stuff, etc and then around 15 or so who I see regularly and whose company I enjoy. Then acquaintances at the school gate, wives of dh's colleagues, and so on.

When my mum was in her mid 40s I remember her telling me "if you get to my age and can count your real friends on one hand, then you're doing well"

She was an outgoing and popular woman, but like me, cynical and self sufficient.
I am inclined to agree with her.

None.

I have lots of internet friends who I talk to daily, swap birthday cards with, send random little present as suprises. And I love them very much.

People in real life who are not my sisters. None.

What's the classic line? A good friend will answer your phone call at 3 am but a real friend will answer and then help you move the body. I am happy to know I have 6 real friends! ps. no bodies moved yet.

I thought I had managed to somehow write an OP without realising then!!

I could have written this OP and I couldn't agree more with everything you said.

I stopped keeping in touch with my school friends after we went on holiday together at 18 and I realised they were twats, users and not true friends. I made friends at work but then I got ill and had to be signed off and I saw some of them twice in a year (my so called best friends) and the others not at all. I cut them out. I was friendless for years and very lonely. I had made a group of friends once I had children and made friends with some of their friends. I actually had a big group of friends and people who I thought were friends for life. Then the big group seemed to split in two and I was kind of in the middle over who I got on with best. I thought it was one group but my best friend made some small comments and I thought she was a terrible snob and her comments changed my opinion of her straight away. I then realised the rest of that group were incredibly snobby and I didn't like it so I let those friendships slide. I thought my other group were a good group but when our children went to school, we hardly see each other day to day. Holidays we tend to catch up but there have been a few incidents and I'm not sure I would call any of them up in an emergency. Ok probably two of them but one is so busy and I barely see her now and the other is closer to someone else and sees far more of her and I don't get included.

I am fairly intolerant too. There are a few family members I would happily never see again. There are the odd 'friends' I would like not to have to bother with but being in a group I can't do that but I am finding myself withdrawing so I don't have to see them as well.

I am hoping to make some friends at school and there are some but I don't know how they would last once our children have left.

I do think I am destined to be friendless and lonely. I enjoy spending time with DH and the DCs but once they are older and doing their own thing, I think I will end up feeling lonely again. I am quite sociable and enjoy socialising in small groups but I am quite choosy about who I want to spend time with. I have no time for twats, snobs and people who are generally fucking irritating.