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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to wish I didn't have to work

75 replies

superbagpuss · 11/08/2014 17:46

and I was independently wealthy

there are so many things I would like to do, charity work, further study, jobs that don't pay well but sound interesting

I am the main wage earner so need to work but I'm getting bored in my current occupation. I always planned a career change - to become a lecturer in my chosen field, but have no idea how to do this and the internet talks about retraining which as a family we can't afford for me to do.

what's more annoying is dh got to go on a free course to learn about teaching and now he's not sure he will go for as job doing that Blush

OP posts:
Orangeanddemons · 11/08/2014 17:49

Me too. I don't want to work either. I was so so ambitious when younger, but pfaff, it just went away in my mid 30's.

I just want to potter and have time to do me stuff

Metalgoddess · 11/08/2014 18:12

Me too, I only work 2 days a week but to not work at all would be lovely!

Metalgoddess · 11/08/2014 18:12

Me too, I only work 2 days a week but to not work at all would be lovely!

blueshoes · 11/08/2014 18:15

How come your dh can be allowed to dabble? Shouldn't the solution be for the work load to be shared more equally?

MrsItsNoworNotatAll · 11/08/2014 18:16

I hear you, I feel exactly the same.

I'd get bored I've been told.

Err..no I wouldn't.

MrsBungle · 11/08/2014 18:16

Me too!

Metalgoddess · 11/08/2014 18:16

I wouldn't get bored either!

barnet · 11/08/2014 18:18

Yanbu. Me too, at least wish it was not full time. Can your dh redress the balance a bit?

HerRoyalNotness · 11/08/2014 18:18

Me neither. And I probably would be bored at home, unless we had budget for me to have hobbies, play golf, tennis, lunch with friends etc.... I'd volunteer at school more, and would love to do pickups and dropoffs and be able to take the DC to after school activities. But if I'm not working, we can't pay for the activities or holidays, or yearly bills, or new clothes, or repairs to the house, and on it goes

Vivacia · 11/08/2014 18:19

It doesn't have to be all or none. Plan and prepare and then go down to four days a week.

HerRoyalNotness · 11/08/2014 18:19

I'd love to potter about on a couple of acres actually. Fetching the eggs, learning how to grow vege, a little orchard, a couple of sheep. Ahhhhh.

Original poster
superbagpuss · 11/08/2014 18:22

my earning power is much greater then do so he does all the childcare wrap around, more house work then me and works part time

at my level part time isn't really an option and moving to a different industry would just be more of the same

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 11/08/2014 18:24

I wish I didn't have to work in my crappy dead end job, I would love to be able to wake up and look forward to work.

Op wishing you a lotto win, I know it will never be me

Snapespeare · 11/08/2014 19:16

Oh god, me too. The books I'd read, the blankets I'd knit! I could have a dog as well as many, many more cats! Bliss!

Laquitar · 11/08/2014 19:20

I wouldnt get bored either. Or lose my identity and all that.
I would just drop the dcs to school and then i would go shopping and sitting in coffee shops reading. I dont get bored (lazy).

Mind you i am not the main earner like you.

ithoughtofitfirst · 11/08/2014 19:20

I'm dreading going back to work once my dc are all in school full days.

Yanbu.

rockybalboa · 11/08/2014 19:21

I'm massively fucked off with work today and don't want to do it any more either. I have lots of ways I could "better" spend my time. But the thought of being at home with the 3 DC terrifies me! Only one is at school. I have a plan that I'll give up work when they are all at school and I'll do both ends of the school run with no convoluted multi faceted childcare regime and have time to myself in the middle to waft around doing exercise and my hobbies, cooking lovely dinners which don't involve throwing everything together at the last minute and generally being a lovely glamorous yummy mummy. Never. Going. To. Happen....

MrsWinnibago · 11/08/2014 19:21

I keep finding myself wishing this at the moment too. All I want to do is sew and bugger about. We're moving to Oz next year and I am hoping to do just that as DH's work will be better paid.

I don't have my burning ambition any more. I want to garden and look at nice things all day.

Nulliferous · 11/08/2014 19:26

Yep, put my name down too.

I've worked full time for nearly thirty years non-stop and I'm knackered.

I can't go part time and I don't want a different job. I don't want any job at all. Work is for mugs.

I YEARN to be at home. I love my home. I love my hobbies. I HATE spending five days out of seven at work.

deepest · 11/08/2014 19:41

After being a full-time working Mum with 4 kids for the past 16 years - I have done just that - thrown in the towel.

Although I am the main breadwinner and we have had major financial issues during the recession - we have taken the decision to change our life and down size for the next few crucial years.

Over time (ie us getting older) the work/life balance with 2 full time working parents both in demanding careers and now managing teenagers is just exhausting and barely sustainable.

My oldest has just done his GCSEs (realized too late that we were not "on it" for him) and this was a wake up call. I have 2 years left of him living at home...the others also have other issues/priorities over the next 2 years and I want to around to support them.

Plan to "work" 6am-9am and 3pm-9pm doing kids/housework and float around 9-3 going to the gym, doing something creative. pottering and walking my dog......

redexpat · 11/08/2014 19:50

Well it may not be possible right now but that doesnt mean that you can't start doing the ground work for change. I'm re-reading Peter Jones' How to Do Everything and Be Happy. I think you should too, although not every strategy will apply to you.

poohbunny · 11/08/2014 19:51

I am so with you on this!

I just want to sell up, buy a remote house in the countryside with a bit of land and raise chickens, make jam, grow veg and make handicrafts to sell at fairs - plus I'll have a couple dogs to take for long country walks. In the winter I'll be sitting by the open fire reading. One can dream!

Reality is I'm in a job I hate and will probably be there for the rest of my working life (another 17 years). Whilst women colleagues who happen to have born a decade earlier are able to retire at 60, a whole 7 years before I'll be able to and that's if they don't increase the pension age again. It it will be even worse for the women following behind me I fear who will probably have to work into their 70s.

Oh well, there's always the Lottery .............

LapsedTwentysomething · 11/08/2014 19:54

deepest, you have just hit on one of my biggest concerns. I'm about to increase to FT hours (DC2 is not yet 2 Sad). Wraparound care is a big headache as now we're both FT but at least we can use a childminder. What concerns me is 11-16+ when in my view they will still really need us in the couple of hours after school but we won't be available.

I'm told I'm BU to resent DH's lack of any effort whatsoever to improve his earnings as planned over the last five years, as planned. As the main earner I'm willing for DH to go PT but childcare costs would swallow up his reduced pay so that's out of the question. So I'm trying desperately hard not to see it that way as he has done wonderful qualities. But our DCs will be farmed out into mediocre childcare (that's all that's available) and so I do resent it.

Rinoachicken · 11/08/2014 19:55

Wow, so glad I'm not the only person who feels like this! I was telling myself off for being lazy, wanting to not work or at least work less, but it's not really about that is it, it's about just wanting to have some time for YOU to do something just for you that you enjoy. I'd love to have more time to paint, to sew, to play with the kids.

Hassled · 11/08/2014 20:00

I threw in the towel after DC4 was born - I was just so, so tired. And I had a lovely decade out - I was That PTA Woman, I did voluntary work, I pottered, I baked and - well, I got really, really bored. DH works away for most of the week so I was on my own with the kids - we had fun, and I'm grateful for those years out (and grateful we could afford them, just about), but in hindsight I realise I was getting very low. Now I work 4 days and it's perfect.

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