To ask for Ideas how to punish my 15 year old 2nd Daughter for being horrible to her elder sister and rude and demeaning to me.

[smokepole]

I have recently posted about my DD2s behaviour in upsetting DD1 about her school and demeaning her potential University and course . The worst part is she is now calling me 'Thick' and an embarrassment because I don't have a degree from a top University like all her friends parents and that I have to do an OU one because I have no qualifications .

She said 'Sorry' about an earlier outburst, but she is at again calling me , DD1 and her friends.

How can I shut her up?

She has never been like this before.

Ah nice end to the thread but watch the use of real names op.

The Name is not her real name Precious.

Anyway Apparently 'Julie' and DD were on Facebook speaking to some private school boys from Julie's Brothers old school. DD mentioned how proud she was of her sister and her school, she also told them about me starting an OU degree. The boys turned on her, calling her sister and me 'Pond life'. Julie then starts speaking on Facebook trying to defend DD, by mentioning her brother and how bright DD1 is. Julie gets called ' Thick State School Scum' who could not pass an exam for a private school.Vile Boys , but it still is wrong that DD turned on her sister and me. Why Julie was trying to make contact with them is beyond me. It seems Marmite was right about 'Bullying' making DD behave like this.

Rise above it.

You are right Sarah. Julie was a silly (Twerp) telling the boys she failed the Entrance Exam to two Private Schools . Julie is lovely just a bit Foolish at times and Immature for 15 and a half. I know this because DD has shown me the Facebook page and the horrible communication between them.

Hasn't there been some issue previously with your daughter's teacher encouraging her pupils to believe that anyone failing to get top grades has failed?

Academic snobbery was rife at my grammar, b grades were worth hysterics and you had to drop anything you were predicted less than a c for. Stressful times

Facebook - the root of all evil. I just hate it and what it does to reasonable teenagers. introduce your daughter to the unfriend button.

Szeli I get the impression this girl's school is like that.

The school is not an 'academic hothouse', for a grammar school it has a very ordinary make up and has a very average C+ as its A level average.
The school is a very nurturing place and are aware that their intake are not typical of the more selective grammar schools.

Lovesooty. I don't know what you mean, have you confused me with someone else ?

Thank You Mummy. I think they have both learnt a lesson, about saying anything 'negative' about themselves or personal about their families.
Another thing I have told DD , that they may have thought they were talking to 17 year old boys, when in-fact they were actually speaking to 12 year old boys. I am sure if they had known that they would have got off Facebook.

I would write to the headmaster of the boys' school, giving no names or identifying details, but making him aware that his pupils are referring to Grammar School girls as 'state-school scum.'
Private school teachers, if not the parents, are well aware that many of their pupils only achieve because of the extra support they receive from the school, and would not survive in the state school system.
As for your daughter, as a Grammar School girl, she should know better than to behave to her family the way she has.

No I'm pretty sure I haven't confused you with someone else. You might have been using a different name at that point.

Gosh my dds and dss mixed with kids from all schools and backgrounds including the very expensive huge local private school and never come across crap like this.

Mind you at 15 that comment would have just made her laugh and tell the lads to fuck off.

They All sound very immature op.

Most teenage lads just are grateful teenage girls are communicating with them as they might get to first base or even a shag.

Is there anything wrong with being a 'young' 15. ?

Incidentally both DD and friend are feeling ( Twits) because it turns out, the boy's they thought were lower Sixth were year 7.

I will still write a letter to the boy's school saying ' Do they think its appropriate for their year 8 ( or Whatever they call them) to be offensive and degrading about other schools or pupils. I will not give their names out, because I have promised DD and Julie who feel embarrassed enough, about being upset by 12 year old's.

It does not explain though why DD started being 'rude'to me about my academic qualifications or 'laughing at NO1s school'.

On the page which I have seen there is no mention of parent's degrees or universities. DD has just taken it on herself to be rude because of some kind of identity crisis.

is there anything wrong with being a young teen

Er yes if she's so immature she calls you thick and an embaressment and is vile to her older sister and can't laugh at some dick head teenage boys.

I can't imagine the school will care.

What can they say? There's been no bullying or offences committed here

At 15 she should be able to cope with this herself. It's name calling from 12 year olds.

Op I don' mean to come across as being rude about your dd, god knows my teens have been challenging
I just feel that in this case, especially as she's apologised, least said soonest mended.

wow, thebody, bit harsh I think.

Really I was just replying to the ops comment on maturity

I was trying to help but obviously not.

As I posted teens are difficult but you can't allow rudeness. as op knows, but equally to complain about 12 year olds being mean to 15 year olds is unwise

If you read my earlier posts you would see I was glad she apologised and it ended well.

Read the whole thread please before criticising.

I have done. I think your comment about there being something wrong with being a 'young 15' was harsh.

I'm glad your daughter has apologised, but you need to be ready to nip it in the bud if it happens again.

I don't believe she is stressed or bullied - I think (from what you've said) she's an up-herself little madam who needs telling.

Tell your daughter, plainly and simply, that she will speak respectfully - she has no choice.
Canvas relatives who might take her in when you throw her out.
Should she be rude to you in front of her friends, send the friends home (its your house, you are allowed to do this. Having friends at the house is a privilege, not a right) and send her to her room.
Remove, all her gadgets and luxury items, returning them one at a time, starting with the least valued by her, as she demonstrates improvement.
make sure she is fully aware of all you do/have done for her.

Do not do as suggested upthread and 'call her on it in front of her friends'. It has nothing to do with them. Its about you and her.

Any phone you have brought or paid for take it off her until she has had a attuidue adjustment.

How awful but I really think you need to come down hard you can have your 15 speaking to like that and if she feels she can next time will be worse

This is not about being immature or stressed she's just being a cheeky cow and it needs nipping I have a 14 year old he did something very bad the day before he was due to go camping with cadets and despite us paying 0ver £100 he didn't go and his mobile is gone not removed for a while gone and cheek need sorting

I don't think thebody was particularly harsh.