To think that it's disrespectful to call a woman 'bitch' or anything else during sex?

[lottieandmia]

Particularly if it has not been agreed in advance.

This happened to me recently when I slept with someone new. I told him to stop and I told him not to do it again. I do not find it remotely sexy. He also spanked me which I was particularly annoyed about because I had asked him in advance not to do this, due to the fact that I had a very bad experience with BDSM in a relationship which was very abusive and damaging to me and which took counselling to sort out. I had flashbacks and everything before it was resolved! He knew all this and still he did it and I told him never to try it again.

I was pleased that since my counselling I was able to be assertive about stuff I don't like. It shows my boundaries are fixed to some extent at least.

But why would anyone think it was ok just to spring this on someone? To me it suggests possible deep rooted dislike of women. AIBU?

I've said this before but IMO when it comes to OD, those of us who have children go on there because of limited time. But I suspect there are various people who are there simply because they've exhausted crashing through the lives of those in their social circles who know exactly what they're like. I've said this before.

I would give it up as a bad job, lottie

Have you ever met a decent bloke this way ?

Bollocks to him, then. Tosser.

Awful . Please end this horrible excuse for a relationship. You deserve better.

To second what a mum in scotland said. This is a massive red flag.
You made it clear before hand that is not what you wanted and he still went a head, well he's either hard of hearing or very dangerous.

This guy has potential rapist written all over him - he's ignoring explicit boundaries and testing your reaction. Do not allow yourself to be alone with him again. He's a very, very serious risk.

No AF, I haven't done much OD. There are at least 8 other people I've been talking to who seem nice enough and want to meet so I can try out some new dates and try not to let this experience colour it. This guy does not live in my home town.

Some OD sites have a facility to report dodgy users as a warning to other people on there. Would you consider that ?

He's not on there any more AF, he deleted his profile. He actually has a job which made me think he could be trusted but you can never tell. In fact this is the second one with the same job that turned out to be dodgy.

Not a paramedic is he ?

No he's a GP

ok

A. G.P did this to you. My God what sort of planet do I inhabit.
If I've got it wrong then I am sorry.

he might be a GP, a judge, an airline pilot, a paramedic, a fucking Nobel Peace Prize winner but he is still just a bloke

a seriously dodgy one

'xactly

Well no I guess there is no reason to think he would be at all. It's just that he doesn't spend all day online and has quite a busy life. Silly me for thinking that would make any difference .

did he delete his profile before or after your encounter ?

Before

If he spanked you and you had specifically not consented, to me that's assault.

Perhaps he actually planned more than he managed to get away with then ? < shudder >

Ugh. Get rid. Also, finding it difficult to think why this stuff is a 'turn on' in any event but maybe I'm a prude.

He mentioned spanking in a telephone conversation and I said no, you're not to spank me at all because I had a bad experience with it and find it triggering. And he said 'ok, no spanking' so no room for any doubt.

Lottie, even though i have has 1 sexual partner ( 1 is not a typo) I have my own sexual desires. that fact that the matter is if i ever got divorced and started a new relationship where I couldn't trust him in sex would leave me running.

your past will always cloud your judgement and if you get into a new relationship where you are not sure please post again. this is not you.