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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to charge DS for his keep

54 replies

inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 21:21

DS has just been offered his first job. He has had 6 years at University 4 living at home and 2 living in a city 150 miles away. He has managed to complete this without a student loan but has had a PT job and DH and l funded the rest (In Scotland no tuition fees thankfully) So this job is 2 hours away from where we live and we have decided it is not commutable. He is going to rent a flat and intends to live there Monday-Friday coming back Friday night and leaving Monday morning.
So he will need to pay rent, council tax, all his bills food etc, he will also need to buy a car for this job (not optional).
IABU to expect him to give us money for food and lodgings for the 2-3 days he is home, eating everything is sight and leaving all the lights, tv xbox on?
If IANBU what would be a reasonable amount?

OP posts:
ThinkIveBeenHacked · 09/08/2014 21:22

Will the flat be his on a weekend too? or is it purely a mon-fri rental?

WitchWay · 09/08/2014 21:23

He needs to pay his way. YANBU.

RegTheMonkey1 · 09/08/2014 21:24

Why does he have to come back Friday to Monday? If he's moved out to his own flat, why not stay there?

bellarations · 09/08/2014 21:24

Rent ....for the weekend???
No I would not.
I'd look forward to seeing him. Before you know it, he will have made new friends and a life elsewhere, he won't be home for weekends for long!

greeneggsandjam · 09/08/2014 21:25

I suppose it depends on how hard up for money you are. Why is he coming home every weekend? If you are ok for money it might be nice to have him there are weekends while you still can without charging him for weekends. After a few months he may visit less and less and then you may find yourself wondering if/when you are going to see him next. Unless he is a complete pain then you might be planning yourself a party.

DaisyFlowerChain · 09/08/2014 21:26

I wouldn't personally charge him anything just to visit at weekends back to his family home. Presumably he will be paying for everything himself at his own place.

Bue · 09/08/2014 21:27

Weekend rent seems excessive. As he settles into the new area he may make friends etc and not want to come home so often? You will surely look forward to seeing him!

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 09/08/2014 21:27

Is he coming home so that you can do his washing for him? I don't understand. Why have "you" decided it is uncommutable? Why hasn't he made this decision himself?

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 21:29

Why is he not living there at the weekends as well??

gamerchick · 09/08/2014 21:29

Why is he coming back each weekend? Surely he's moved out now?

Original poster
inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 21:30

This new job is in a rural area where he knows no one and l am not sure that there will be many of his age or male in his job.
All his friends are here and his social life and his beloved football team. I am hoping that he will meet people down there perhaps find a gf (he is not long out of a disasterous relationship and is not interested at present) and not want to come home every weekend.
He has to have the flat for minimum 6 months lease, and once he gets the experience in 2-3 years intends to move back to this area, but not stay at home. At 23 he wants his own place and l agree.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 21:32

Tell him to get to know people - and the quickest way will be to stay there at weekends!

He's 23 - he needs to make the break and do what we all did when we moved away from home ie come home every so often and visit.

Marmiteandjamislush · 09/08/2014 21:33

I wouldn't make him pay as such, but he should clean up after himself including bathroom, cook an evening meal for you all. In all fairness, he is paying for his flat even on the nights he's not there, so he's not getting a free ride.

Annunziata · 09/08/2014 21:35

Yes YABU!

Haffdonga · 09/08/2014 21:36

Will you charge him at Christmas for coming home to see you then too?

I'm not trying to be snarky but genuinely think you need to be clear and have an understanding between you both where the line is between dropping in to see mum for a cup of tea and Sunday lunch or actually living at home. Where does he wash his smalls? Where is he putting out the bins and paying council tax? I would have been deeply hurt if my parents had charged me for visiting them when I got my first new job in a new city.

Original poster
inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 21:37

Bue l love my boy and would do anything for him it was awful at first when he moved to do his master degree 150 miles away-he was very lonely and was the youngest in his course by 8 years. He did make some good friends but they wre mostly at a different stage in life.
HomeIs l didn't decide it was not commutable he discussed it with DH and as it involves some very 'B' roads which in the winter are quite tricky he decided he wanted a flat down there.

OP posts:
bauhausfan · 09/08/2014 21:37

Aw don't charge him - he is doing well for himself and he is your son.

Writerwannabe83 · 09/08/2014 21:38

Definitely BU

You would charge your son visiting you at the weekends?!

When I got my first job out of Uni it was in a city away from home so I moved over there but came back to visit friends/family every weekend. I stayed at my mom's house and no way would she have asked me for money.

ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 21:40

If he's going to be at home for part of the weekon a regular basis I'd expect him to clear up after himself, cook the odd meal and make some sort of contribution towards food.

WitchWay · 09/08/2014 21:41

You ought to charge him, even if it's only a token amount, although I suppose if he's paying for 7 days' rent but only using 4 days each week it seems a bit unfair.

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 21:42

I wouldn't charge him, no, but setting some very clear house rules re use of food and electricity is probably a good idea

Purpleroxy · 09/08/2014 21:42

Unless you are very hard up and need this money, don't charge him.

Original poster
inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 21:42

Haffdonga no l won't charge him to stay and hadn't really thought about charging him "keep" it was DS who mentioned it this afternoon.
He will help by keeping his room tidy and also a few bits that l ask him to do BUT l draw the line at letting him cook for me....burnt offerings and a bombsite of a kitchen !!! no thanks Grin 2 yeras in Aberdeen did nothing for his culinary skills

OP posts:
Discobugsacha · 09/08/2014 21:43

Yes you Would be unreasonable to charge him for keep when he is already paying rent to live elsewhere. Are you short if money? You could ask him to pay for his own food when he visits if you are. I think you may make him feel unwelcome if you ask though, it is unusual.

DizzyKipper · 09/08/2014 21:45

Personally I wouldn't charge him, but your comment about him "eating everything in sight" does conjure the mental image of a whirling tornado that comes into your house and leaves nothing but a path of empty, cupboard destruction - in which case you kinda have my sympathy and I can understand why you'd want recompense.

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