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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to charge DS for his keep

54 replies

inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 21:21

DS has just been offered his first job. He has had 6 years at University 4 living at home and 2 living in a city 150 miles away. He has managed to complete this without a student loan but has had a PT job and DH and l funded the rest (In Scotland no tuition fees thankfully) So this job is 2 hours away from where we live and we have decided it is not commutable. He is going to rent a flat and intends to live there Monday-Friday coming back Friday night and leaving Monday morning.
So he will need to pay rent, council tax, all his bills food etc, he will also need to buy a car for this job (not optional).
IABU to expect him to give us money for food and lodgings for the 2-3 days he is home, eating everything is sight and leaving all the lights, tv xbox on?
If IANBU what would be a reasonable amount?

OP posts:
Original poster
inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 21:46

writer did you eventually settle in this new city??? I just so want him to be happy.
I will definately stop paying for his Iphone bill tho..

Okay.. IAMU so no charge to stay but he has to be my slave for the weekend. Sounds fair to me Wink

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 09/08/2014 21:46

It might be a good idea for him to learn to cook. How does he plan to manage for the rest of the week?

drspouse · 09/08/2014 21:48

If you think he should start making friends in his work area, maybe you should book some nice weekends away or friends to stay "now he has his own place and you have the space".

If you're concerned about him eating you our of house and home, you could keep "forgetting to shop" or being out for meals with a bare cupboard - suggest that if he's wanting to eat at yours he needs to bring his own supplies.

ElephantsNeverForgive · 09/08/2014 21:50

Only if you don't expect ever to see him at weekends again

Writerwannabe83 · 09/08/2014 21:53

I did OP - I lived there for 3 years quite happily. I made lots if new friends but I still went back to my mom's most weekends to enable me to visit my oldest friends and my family. I didn't drive at the time so using public transport took me just under 2 hours, so it made more sense for me to just stay there for the weekend instead of making frequent lengthy and costly journeys.

Topseyt · 09/08/2014 22:09

I think that because he is now all but moved out of home and is paying his own rent, council tax and utility bills himself he IS paying his own keep, just not to you.

Charging him to visit you at weekends would be very unreasonable and would very likely make him feel most unwelcome in the house he once called home. He has already taken on board the lesson that nothing in life is free, and is largely supporting himself.

I see you have backed off from it now and that is good. Don't do it unless you plan to alienate him from you.

If he was working whilst still actually living at home then it would be reasonable to charge him something for his board. That isn't the case though.

Original poster
inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 23:36

Just told DS about this thread and he has invited all the lovely MNers in for coffee and cake (shop bought thankfully) if you are ever in the Scottish border area Grin

OP posts:
greeneggsandjam · 09/08/2014 23:38

Haha! Love it. Also had a feeling it would be the borders!

CoffeeTea103 · 09/08/2014 23:39

How awfully tight and petty of you! He's your son coming home on weekends. He sounds lovely btw, but you on the other hand Hmm

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 23:39

Tell him we will pop in - but only if he promises to pay for his own phone bill, switch off all electricity that he's not using, and not to eat a ridiculous amount of your food Smile

SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 23:39

Coffee - RTFT!

zazA09Jane · 09/08/2014 23:40

yabu, If he has to pay all his own bills and car ect, hes going to want to cut out comming back at the weekends cause it will just be more money.. plus he will have to pay for petrol to your house and back which can also be avoided by him staying at his place..

Original poster
inlectorecumbit · 09/08/2014 23:43

Coffee why the Hmm? It was my DS that brought the subject up, l hadn't thought of it and was only asking for opinions.
And yes he is a really lovely kind boy who will make someone a lovely partner as long as he doesn't have to cook for them.

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 09/08/2014 23:45

I don't think coffee read the whole thread properly. Either that or they were just giving the thread a good old stir.

zazA09Jane · 09/08/2014 23:48

oh I didnt realise it was your son who brought it up! I hope when mines old enough he offers to pay his way.. when I was young my mam had a right job getting me to pay up!

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 23:52

YABU. Children are for life, not until they turn 18.

NoNoDontEatThatBloodyHellFFS · 09/08/2014 23:57

That's nice of him to offer OP but yeah, you'd be unreasonable to accept the cash from him.

Tell him if he wants to contribute he can learn to cook a couple of meals (start simple, since he's not too great in the kitchen, he has all week to practice after all!) so he can make you all dinner one night.

I visit my parents quite a bit. I usually cook a meal or two, and take over doing the dishes and push the hoover around a bit for my mum. A fair trade for eating their food and drinking their wine imo Grin

HaroldLloyd · 10/08/2014 00:00

I probably wouldn't charge him to be honest, seeing as he is paying out for his own flat as well. A lot of the costs will be static and so he won't save much by coming home, and he will have to pay travel.

Help with things instead sounds good.

I'd rather he set aside money for his own place when he moved back home.

Is he good at saving?

NoNoDontEatThatBloodyHellFFS · 10/08/2014 00:01

Easy meals to learn- anything where the majority of ingredients are thrown into a pan and simmered. Pasta sauces, soups, stews etc.,

Easy and cheap- frittata. Shove whatever you want in it. My mum loves my 'posh omelettes'. I reckon 'cause she sees me peeling potatos she thinks it involves some actual work and skill. Grin

Nalia · 10/08/2014 03:22

Wouldn't charge anything for this! maybe he'll take you out for dinner or something if he wants to pay something, but i wouldn't take money from him for 'rent'.

GoblinLittleOwl · 10/08/2014 07:53

You need to cut the apron strings/push him out of the nest, I am not sure which.

ilovesooty · 10/08/2014 07:58

He sounds lovely. Since he brought up the subject I'm sure he'd take you out for a meal or buy in a bit of shopping now and again. That seems enough to me.

chipsandpeas · 10/08/2014 09:53

rather than him paying keep id still ask him to make a contribution ie a takeaway one night or getting some shopping in
as well as help around the house

Sicaq · 10/08/2014 09:54

Why are you paying his iPhone bill?

Mrsjayy · 10/08/2014 10:17

Och no dont surely you can afford to feed him for the weekend and if he is seeing his friends and going to the football he will never be in give the laddie a break