Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

fucking selfish childfree friend

63 replies

RedErik · 09/08/2014 20:47

I was supposed to be meeting my friend at 8 for a night out and catch up as we've not seen each other for ages.

I was out with the 7 year old until 5, I've helped to make dinner, cleaned up, tried to feed the baby twice, got the baby to bed, expressed some milk for baby, got ready to go out for 8pm.

I'm a bit reluctant to about leaving baby as he's poorly and not really feeding very well but arranged this night out a while ago and looking forward to it.

Friend texted me at 7.30 to say she was running late and would 8.30 be ok. I said fine, she's still not bloody here (she's picking me up in a taxi).

I wouldn't mind be she has no fucker else to look after but herself, she's probably just been fannying about with her outfit or something.

And I wanted to get back kind of earlyish ie. 11pm not 1pm so I could try to feed the baby before bed.

She has form for this sort of thing, but I always forgive her because of course she doesn't appreciate what it's like having kids. I'm just VERY ANNOYED ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhh

OP posts:
FunkyBoldRibena · 09/08/2014 20:50

Are you friends enough to tell her to 'get a fucking wiggle on, you haven't got time to fart arse around getting everything done and then spend an hour waiting on her'.

Original poster
RedErik · 09/08/2014 20:51

Yes, but I'm too nice (to her face, will slag her off on here obvs)

OP posts:
BIWI · 09/08/2014 20:51

Well if she hasn't got kids she can fanny around - but did you tell her that you wanted to be home by 11? People who haven't got children haven't got any idea what it's like - I bet you didn't before you had them!

YABU for being so rude about her, but she is also BU for being so late.

People being late, regardless of the number of children they have, really irritates me, so YANBU to be mad from that point of view Grin

Chill. You still have time to enjoy with her/out of the house

BabyGoose · 09/08/2014 20:52

I have a friend like this and she drives me mad. However.... when you have kids you don't go out very often so don't let this ruin your night. I'd have little glass of vino while I was waiting.

saltnpepa · 09/08/2014 20:54

Just don't answer the door, you fell asleep. Sod her in the future.

Scunthyplombin · 09/08/2014 20:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
RedErik · 09/08/2014 20:55

No of course I had no idea what having kids was like in reality. That's why I forgive her eventually Grin She does know DS is ill, and that we're going out local in case I need to come back (prob won't happen as DH can cope but thinking an emergency v high temp or something).

OP posts:
Scunthyplombin · 09/08/2014 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CombineBananaFister · 09/08/2014 20:57

I didn't have a fecking clue as to the concept of time for nights out pre-kids. La-la_la shower, la-la -la -make-up, la-la -la glass of wine. Post kids - aaarggghhhhh!!!

I would txt her and say jokingly - only have x-time, lets get a crack -on, or I'll need to be back divvy :)

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 09/08/2014 21:00

I suspect because she text you and said 8.30 and you said no problem in her mind she is only half an hour behind and therefore no big deal. Nothing worse than being ready to go out and having to wait for someone!

CombineBananaFister · 09/08/2014 21:02

scunthy not a bashing, am being honest, I was just genuinely clueless about time involved in bath/bedtime routine etc and not staying out too late (in my position, not all peoples)

Might not be selfish, just unawares. Second the glass of vino :)

MorphineDreams · 09/08/2014 21:03

Having kids doesn't mean you have the monopoly on being late. YABU.

Scunthyplombin · 09/08/2014 21:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FloatIsRechargedNow · 09/08/2014 21:06

You sound quite young to me...should you really be going out tonight if your child is ill? All you'll be doing is worrying about it anyway.
Call your friend and postpone for another night...

SinglePringle · 09/08/2014 21:07

Swings and roundabouts.

I don't have kids and many many many's the time I've waited in bars / front rooms / my gaff for mate with kids who didn't go down easily / clung to their mothers legs / puked over an outfit / needed another story before said mum could head out on the lash.

They've also waited for me when a meeting has overrun / trains were delayed / I was having a hair nightmare.

Sometimes life gets in the way. Kids or no is not the point.

MorrisZapp · 09/08/2014 21:07

Bit harsh.

I was late for tons of stuff before I spawned my offspring. Life is, well... life.

Scunthyplombin · 09/08/2014 21:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ladygracie · 09/08/2014 21:09

Float - did you read the part about her dh being at home? He is perfectly capable of looking after their child and op has said that she's staying local just in case.

riverboat1 · 09/08/2014 21:09

YABU because you say you 'wouldn't mind' if she was late due to having kids, but because she doesn't have them there is no excuse.

BauerTime · 09/08/2014 21:11

I think being late is selfish no matter whether you have kids or not. Unless a true crisis/emergency then she knew full well before 7:30 that she was going to be late but didn't bother to let you know until you had already done all of your rushing around trying to be ready on time and now you are annoyed because you are knackered from it all and have had to sit around for an hour probably getting sleepy and losing any enthusiasm for going out. Then you probably got annoyed with yourself because going out is rare so you know you should enjoy it, but now you wont because you are thinking 'what a waste of an evening'.

But yes, those without kids have no idea how much preparation goes into just being in a position to get out of the front door and will think nothing of losing an hour of a night out as its not as precious to them. I dont think that aspect of it is selfish per se, as in fact before kids most of us only have ourselves to think about and so we can be selfish, without it actually being selfish IYSWIM.

SinisterBuggyMonth · 09/08/2014 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BertieBotts · 09/08/2014 21:15

Why does she sound young? Confused It sounds fine. Her DH is there.

BertieBotts · 09/08/2014 21:16

And I agree, you just don't realise how precious an hour is on a night out until you have nights out with what is effectively a curfew.

sooperdooper · 09/08/2014 21:18

It really bugs me when only people with kids think thru can possibly be busy or have other things to do, if you wanted to be out earlier you shouldn't have said it was ok for her to be late! She's not a mind reader, she doesn't know what time you want to get home

FloatIsRechargedNow · 09/08/2014 21:18

Actually lady I did read that...but a DP being at home doesn't diminish the concerns of a parent. Unless said parent seems to regard the importance of going out with a greater regard.