To be annoyed my DH is using this as a reason to go to the pub?

[Knackeredmum13]

He has told me that a colleague of his has died and so he has headed to the pub. He has only recently started his job so barely knew ( if he knew at all!) this colleague. I do understand these things are a shock but it's annoyed me that he is using it as an excuse for going out.

We have a toddler who is very lively and tiring. We have no help nearby, so DH is the only respite I get. As it is he see's our toddler for approx half an hour each evening. So to my mind he is choosing not to see his child at all today. He could have gone for one or two drinks and still been home but has chosen to stay out all evening.

It isn't a rare night out either. He had a work night out last week and was out all afternoon and evening on Saturday.

I'm not sure if I'm being unreasonable and PMT'y to feel irritated?

[Igggi]

[ICanSeeTheSun]

Going back to work was a shock, adult conversation and a super hot cup of coffee.

Op you need to talk, don't let this get so bad that you end up resenting each other.

[Crinkle77]

YANBU. One lad I know admitted to starting a row with his partner so he had an excuse to storm out the house and off to the pub.

[Crinkle77]

I have also noticed a lot on Mumsnet that the fella goes out for a drink then gets the wrong train or falls asleep and ends up miles away. I am also wondering if this is all bullshit too?

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Or, araina he could actually act like a grown man, husband and father, rather than a spotty teenager in his first ever job who can get pissed every day because he has no other responsibilities than to please himself.

[Knackeredmum13]

Crinkle - I wish it was all bullshit but sadly not.

I will be finishing work earlier to pick the toddler up from nursery. So I won't be able to just go out without having prearranged for DH to leave work early that night.

I do think I will end up doing all of the housework too.

It's too late for me not to resent him
I'm afraid.

[Crinkle77]

Sorry OP when I said it was bullshit I wondered if these fella's used that excuse to stay out longer

[Knackeredmum13]

Oh sorry I misunderstood. In DH's case it's definitely true. He didn't tell me but once I started getting the nonsense texts I started tracking his iphone. So I saw for my own eyes what he was doing.

He knows I do this before anyone accuses me of invading his privacy. When he gets really drunk he wouldn't be able to tell you where he was even if he knew.

[Darkesteyes]

If the two of you were to split he would actually have to do some childcare on his access days.

And next time he says that you will get a shock when you go back to work you could say "im glad you mentioned that because we also need to discuss splitting the cost of childcare. Im sure that you must have realised this already though"


Because im willing to bet that the same "dad" who refuses to care for his OWN child or clear up his OWN mess in the house will also be the man who expects all the costs of childcare to come out of your wage OP!

[Knackeredmum13]

He's not mean with money at all thankfully. It all goes in the pot. Technically I will be paying it but we both get the same amount of personal spending money.