AIBU to think he should just accept my explanation?

[creampie]

I call people 'cariad' (it's a Welsh thing, it means 'love'). Am starting to think this is a bad habit I should try and stop.

After a week in my new job, I've just been approached on the quiet by one of the Indian staff who has just asked me to stop calling him 'curry head' as he finds it a bit racist

OMFG! Have tried to explain, but I think he thinks I'm just making excuses for my closet racism! What should I do?! AIBU to think he should just give me the benefit of the doubt?! I mean, what sort of tool would actually call someone that, openly? I think it's going to be a very long year of working together....

Would like to take the credit, but was wrong.

Probably because I'm also from down south.

I think I would keep the apology and explanation sincere but short and factual. Don't say "curry head". Explain the word you did use, which you think has been misheard, but agree that you won't use it in future, as you can see that it could be misunderstood, and that you are very sorry for any offence caused.

Get into too much detail, and I can see you floundering and getting flustered, like Basil explaining to Sybil.

Thanks to you too amy83firsttimer. I get it now.

Aw bless him , bet he will be more embarrassed than you when the penny drops

I still think it's the OP's fault using a term of endearment, in a language the colleague doesn't speak, instead of simply using his name.

Does anybody, in actual real life, who hasn't spent the past 40 years in an enchanted sleep, use the word "cock" like this? Especially in a work environment? Obviously I know it's a regional thing, and I have heard it used. But not recently, and certainly not in a workplace.

It is a bit like me walking around London saying "grei kar" (pronounced grey car) about blokes, and being surprised if non-Norwegian speakers dont understand it means "nice chap".

Erm I have used and been called cariad and blodyn, and duck and chick in the workplace. No offence was meant or taken. Close-knit team, been working together ages, been through lots together.

OP agree with putting it in writing along the lines of "sorry there's been a misunderstanding".

I just dont get why one would need to call other people something at all? Is the name not enough? Why risk it? Love, darling, chuck, chick, chap, it is all rather patronizing.

oh god you've just reminded me about my cock up I made.

As my job was to train new mechanics in the army, all of them were called NIGs (new in green or new in Germany) anyway we had a young black guy through and I called him NIG, to which he did not take kindly to. I explained what it meant and thankfully he accepted this but I decided from then on to refer to them as my young 'uns

The stuff you say when you dont engage your brain, though.

I was walking through an open plan office landscape, when one of the young men in the sales department looked at me and broke the concentrated silence saying:

"So what do you Norwegians do during those long dark winters? Have sex all the time?"

Then he looked around, and blushed with his head on the desk while the entire office were in stitches of laughter....

The word he missed saying once was 'what' so he stopped using that phrase completely, correctly guessed also that we were Lancashire based unfortunately the person he was talking to wasn't. Even in Lancashire it's not that common a term, I'm Lancashire born and bred but he's the only person I've ever come across who uses it.

I do think it's wrong to use too familiar a term with people you barely know, being called pet, hen, love etc by people I'm not close to is a particular hate of mine.

Yes, I am welsh and in wales.

Luckily he's still speaking to me today, following (I'm sure!) much checking with the other staff that this is an actual Welsh word.

These other examples are making me feel much better, glad I'm not the only one

AIBU to think he should just give me the benefit of the doubt?!

no, yanbu...but how about you stop insisting on using that term of 'endearment' for him? you are his work colleague not a friend.

Agree, very short email to him and possibly hr apologising for the misunderstanding and offence.

I recently had a builder in who called me 'my love' all the time. Every time my fists would clench and I'd grit my teeth.

Are you in Wales? I guess that makes some difference if it's a common local form of address....

Sorry op, cross posted. Yes, if you are in Wales I imagine it makes a difference.

If he thought he was getting called Curry Head by all and sundry I guess he was pretty entitled to feel a tad upset.

Nah- don't believe in reporting unless it's something nasty.

Funnily enough, MNHQ would rather you reported potential troll as that stops any nastiness. Just giving a score is nasty. If you think it's a troll, you report. It's been that way for a while

I'd hate to work in a place so formal as to not even allow the softer terms of endearment when working with people day in, day out & spending more time with them than your actual loved ones.

Simple misunderstanding which might work better written down than verbally in this instance.

FreeWee I would be horrified at any colleague addressing me by anything other than my name. Use of terms of endearment is either patronising, if from a superior, cheeky if from a person junior to you or overly familiar if from someone on the same level. It is also very exclusionary to newer members of a team who may not yet have acquired the easy affection that can (but doesn't always) come from working closely together for a long time.

Nothing wrong with using terms of endearment with work colleagues when socialising outside the office though.

I would add that I also hate "pet"?"love"?"hen"?"sweetheart" from anyone outside my family and definitely from shopvassistants etc.

Apart from anything else, the OP had only been in the job a week. I wouldn't like anyone calling me a very affectionate term (and cariad is very affectionate) after I had only known them for a week. Still less a work colleague........

I went into the bank to discuss a new mortgage rate last week. The adviser closed the discussion by saying, 'lovely doing business with you, m'lady'. I felt... odd. Until I remembered that the counter assistant who'd set up the appointment had emailed, 'It's no problem, hun'.

Clearly I'm with the Bank that Likes to Make You Feel like Margot Leadbetter.

Oi! I loves Margot! No dissing Margot, please.

I love Margot too. I was just disappointed that I wasn't wearing a string of pearls to clutch.

When I was at uni I used to sing 'you have got the saddest eyes that I have ever seen' from some song or other. My housemate suddenly turned around and snapped 'look, I know I am fat but can you stop singing about my fat thighs'

Ha ha.

I saw this ring on QVC and the 'curry head' thread on MN came straight to mind. Maybe you could set the image of the ring as your screen saver at work OP

www.qvcuk.com/Clogau-9ct-Rose-Gold-%26-Sterling-Silver-Tree-of-Life-Band-Ring.product.619407.html?sc=SRCH&cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION--9--619407

www.qvcuk.com/Clogau-9ct-Gold-Cariad-Heart-Diamond-Stud-Earrings.product.608996.html?cm_sp=VIEWPOSITION--1--608996