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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think he should just accept my explanation?

77 replies

creampie · 03/08/2014 22:48

I call people 'cariad' (it's a Welsh thing, it means 'love'). Am starting to think this is a bad habit I should try and stop.

After a week in my new job, I've just been approached on the quiet by one of the Indian staff who has just asked me to stop calling him 'curry head' as he finds it a bit racist Confused

OMFG! Have tried to explain, but I think he thinks I'm just making excuses for my closet racism! What should I do?! AIBU to think he should just give me the benefit of the doubt?! I mean, what sort of tool would actually call someone that, openly? I think it's going to be a very long year of working together....

OP posts:
Hakluyt · 04/08/2014 07:22

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Hakluyt · 04/08/2014 07:23

"I had a friend who got fired for being racist. She was the last person you'd believe could be racist but there was a complete misunderstanding over something she'd said, and it escalates really quickly. The company fired her even though her immediate boss and whole team tried to intervene and explain on her behalf. It came down to firing someone was alot less costly than being taken to court for discrimination - the company covered their own arse. "

What happened at the tribunal?

Tanith · 04/08/2014 09:30

I'm more interested in what MN said when you reported the thread, Hakluyt...

Hakluyt · 04/08/2014 09:48

Nah- don't believe in reporting unless it's something nasty.

Chopchopbusybusy · 04/08/2014 09:57

Where I used to work there had to be at least two people on the premises at all times. One night I asked the remaining person if he was ready to go shortly. He was furious and told me to stop calling him shorty! So I believe it's possible to be horribly misheard.

gordyslovesheep · 04/08/2014 10:05

you've been there a week and you are calling people 'love' unprofessional and patronising - stop doing it

sebsmummy1 · 04/08/2014 10:17

Yep, go and talk to your line manager and/or HR. It's really important this gets cleared up now and you make everyone aware that you are mortified your colleague believed you were being racist and get it on record exactly what you were saying and it's meaning.

Bless you, terrible to know you did nothing wrong but have caused offence.

MidniteScribbler · 04/08/2014 10:32

Calling someone 'love', 'dear', 'darling' or any other form of address like that is not appropriate in the workplace and I would be having words with anyone who felt it necessary to address me in such a fashion in the work place. People have names, so use them.

ElizabethArdenGreenTeax · 04/08/2014 10:39

i told a brazilian colleague she looked like Uhura once... all my colleagues smiled and said yeh! she ran to the loo in her black and red body con dress, or at least she ran as fast as her high heeled knee boots would take her! she thought I'd said she looked like a whore. I ended up having to say, you know about STARTREK surely!

jacks365 · 04/08/2014 10:44

I used to have a work colleague who called everyone cock. No prizes for guessing which word was missed out of this sentence. "What do you want cock?" Thankfully it was another member of staff not a customer and yes the work colleague was male. He was very embarrassed when he realised.

Missda · 04/08/2014 10:45

You have explained leave it there.

Write down what happened and time and date it just in case.
I would also say stop with the cariad or any other names in work.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 04/08/2014 10:57

I don't think the onus is on him to just accept your explanation off the bat. The onus is on you to make sure that he understands that your explanation is genuine. I would be wanting to show him Google translate so he can hear what the word sounds like and verify its meaning. The word cariad sounds a fair bit different from curry head but he's far more likely to have been on the receiving end of racism at work than of a 'cariading'. I've lived and worked in Wales all my life and I've never heard it in the workplace.

Justanothernumber · 04/08/2014 10:57

I'm sorry OP but this has made me laugh! I'm welsh too, and never thought people would take Cariad that way!

fun1nthesun · 04/08/2014 11:02

Give him a dictionary english/welsh? You could play the race card back! but I would seriously avoid that ;)

juneybean · 04/08/2014 11:06

jacks365 bit of a lancashire thing I think, didn't the woman on Corrie used to call everyone cock as in hen

KnackeredMuchly · 04/08/2014 11:20

I would write a letter, also send it to your manager. Apologise profusely, repeatedly. Don't write "curry head" in the letter, just say something like

"Please understand that I have been calling you "cariad" which means "love" in Welsh. To me, it is a local term of endearment and I have also called X, Y and Z cariad as well. Please be assured you have not been singled out. I am so deeply sorry for any offence, no malice was intended at all and I feel upset it has caused you any distress. I'm so pleased that you could talk to me about it in person, I hope we can continue to have a good working relationship. I wanted to write a letter just to completely clarify what has happened, to thoroughly clear up any misunderstanding"

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 04/08/2014 12:04

I don't see the need to apologise as you said nothing remotely racist but I do think you need to need to ensure that you have thoroughly explained with evidence.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 04/08/2014 12:18

Actually, I would say sorry thst there's been a misunderstanding.

QuintessentiallyQS · 04/08/2014 12:24

Are you in Wales?

Gruntfuttock · 04/08/2014 12:29

jacks365, I'm sorry, but I'm confused by your post. What word was missed out of the sentence and the colleague was embarrassed when he realised what? He already knew that he was calling people 'cock' so what did he realise that embarrassed him? Confused

Gruntfuttock · 04/08/2014 12:31

Just use people's names in future and yes, definitely make sure he realises you were telling the truth about 'cariad'. What place has a term of endearment in the workplace anyway?

BadLad · 04/08/2014 12:34

jacks365, I'm sorry, but I'm confused by your post. What word was missed out of the sentence and the colleague was embarrassed when he realised what? He already knew that he was calling people 'cock' so what did he realise that embarrassed him?

I assume the word was "my". So it was "What do you want, my cock?", with "my cock" being the form of address for the customer, rather than a suggestion of what he might actually want.

Not sure "my" makes it that must worse, however.

amy83firsttimer · 04/08/2014 12:39

Surely the word "what"? So it became "do you.want cock? "

Gruntfuttock · 04/08/2014 12:41

Oh, thanks, BadLad. As I'm 'darn sarf' I didn't know that. As you say, both versions could be misconstrued.

BadLad · 04/08/2014 12:43

Ah, I misread - I thought the sentence posted was the sentence missing a word. Yes, it was likely "what".

Still, as there were no prizes for guessing, I didn't miss out.

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