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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my bil needs to grow a pair and tell his wife to pipe down

51 replies

Thefishewife · 03/08/2014 19:38

For the seconed year in a row he failed to go out on his birthday because he says it's not. Worth the hassle she is very condoling never wanting him to go out with his brothers or his friends

One brothers married to me and the other brother is hardly a lad he's like one of those hippes that attends those protest fracking type things

He's never allowed out she either cries or try's to go why would you want to be the only women out with 7 guys down the pub *she on the other hand is out most weekends with her mates leaves him with the kids she always shouting at him about house work he's not actually lazy she should try my husband if she wants lazy my oh once rang to ask him down the pub she actually rang my husband back and told him xxxxxx is not coming out today as if he's ten wtf

Anyone every gets married he's not aloud to go for fear of a strip club though I feel this is used as a smoke screen

And I have been told after my dh stag do he was questioned by her for two hours on arrival home

(I still don't know what they got up to bar a crypt voicemail saying oh sit we have lost mark then a voice in the background saying no you rang the wrong phone but I don't care what they got up to)

My bil is really lovely and I wish he would grow a pair and tell her to pipe down and that he's going for a swif half with his brothers

OP posts:
Original poster
Thefishewife · 03/08/2014 19:41

Sorry for the (sp)

He's really nice and I think he's always a bit bemused my husband dosent have to ask my permission to go out

He's not even allowed his mates round with out asking her

OP posts:
Thebodyloveschocolateandwine · 03/08/2014 19:45

Does he mind though or are you just minding on his behalf. Does he want to have more freedom? Has he complained?

AnAwfullyGoodOxymoron · 03/08/2014 19:46

It's sounds confusing but really what effect does it have on you and your life? None.

deakymom · 03/08/2014 19:47

has he ever cheated on her there mush be a reason she doesn't trust him? unless she is a batty mare

GoatsDoRoam · 03/08/2014 19:47

You might want to post this in Relationships, where there are plenty of experts on controlling partners.

Ultimately, he is a grown-up and he has chosen her, and chooses to let her control him without setting any boundaries. Until the day that he is ready to tell her to off, there is really nothing anyone else can do.

At most, you or your husband could try to get him to open up about whether he is happy or not in his marriage, and how he feels about his wife forbidding him any small pleasures. But point blank telling him that she is a controlling witch is likely to backfire.

deakymom · 03/08/2014 19:48

*MUST

Original poster
Thefishewife · 03/08/2014 19:50

No she's always been like this it's upsetting for. Me because my husband would like to have a drink with his brother

It's almost like he's being kept prisoner it's gotten so bad I have to take her out so my husband can get to see his own brother with out complaint from her

And even then her last word was don't let any one in the house when I am away

That's nuts

OP posts:
Betrayedbutsurvived · 03/08/2014 19:52

But why is it your business?

Original poster
Thefishewife · 03/08/2014 19:54

To be honest I hate to say it their would be more chance of my husband cheating in me that hers he's really quite and don't say boo to a goose I don't want to say it but I think he's hen pecked

We were out at a family dinner lays year and I clearly remember him looking at her as if to get permission to speak And at one point she Said to him

Well that will happen because your so weak I mean Shock I think I was the only one who heard this but I told oh and he told me he's not surprised sometimes I think she bully's him a bit

OP posts:
FrankSaysNo · 03/08/2014 19:56

YABVVVVU for using 'gotten'.

Other peoples relationships are not your business. Let alone getting upset in case your DH is upset just in case that is brother is upset coz his wife is upset. Cant you go knit a cat or plait some yoghurt or something and stop worrying about things that are three people removed from yourself?

wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 19:57

Perhaps your DH should gently introduce him to www.mankind.org.uk/ when she's out and he goes round.

ilovesooty · 03/08/2014 19:57

If your husband is worried about his brother's happiness, safety and well being he'll understandably want to check that out.

I don't see how it's your business.

Glasshammer · 03/08/2014 20:15

I wonder what her side would be?

How old are the kids? Howuch does he do in the house? Do they work?

Glasshammer · 03/08/2014 20:16

Do they have to coordinate with each other to go out?

EatShitDerek · 03/08/2014 20:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pumpkinpositive · 03/08/2014 20:22

YABVVVVU for using 'gotten'.

Why?

TheBloodManCometh · 03/08/2014 20:24

But what about Sharon? Have you thrown any wine yet?

SorryForTheTypos · 03/08/2014 20:30

Still not sure why you're so bothered?

Although in fairness, you lost me at this One brothers married to me and the other brother is hardly a lad he's like one of those hippes that attends those protest fracking type things

Stop judging your BILs lives.

Salmotrutta · 03/08/2014 20:37

I agree with EatShitDerek - if this was a woman being treated like that then everyone would be saying very different things.

It is possible for men to be the victims of emotional abuse too.

wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 20:37

A whole load of strangers on the internet get bothered when a stranger is in an abusive relationship why shouldn't the OP be bothered when her BIL is?

SorryForTheTypos · 03/08/2014 20:42

I think the comment OP made about third brother was extremely judgemental so I've made the leap - possibly unfairly- that OP doesn't respect different choices of lifestyles.

EatShitDerek · 03/08/2014 20:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 20:45

Being abused is a lifestyle choice now?

wafflyversatile · 03/08/2014 20:46

It is possible for men to be the victims of emotional abuse too.

And financial abuse, and sexual abuse, and physical abuse, all types of abuse.

SorryForTheTypos · 03/08/2014 20:48

No, but OP's dismissive comments re third brother suggest to me that the OP might have a completely different perspective on BIL's life to BIL.

Not saying being abused is a lifestyle choice at all, simply that the BIL & SIL might have different priorities to OP and as such, he might not be "abused" simply because he doesn't go out drinking with his brother.