To think DH should learn to do plaits.

[loveableshoulder]

When dd1 and I told DH he was getting a masterclass in plaiting hair for bed, he shrugged and said 'whatever'. He clearly doesn't want to. I suspect this is more because I told him I refuse to be responsible for keeping hair tangle-free for the next ten years.

Aibu to expect this? Is he bu to be a pissed off that I refuse to be in sole charge of something that makes life so much easier, especially for me? All the more so, since he does her bedtime every other night? And we have a younger dd too?

as I showed him he stressed how easy it all looked, the arse

We plait hair because DDs is fine and tangles ridiculously eeasily. I work nights and often am not home at bedtime or before school so for a few months I would plait it before work and she would wear it down to school.

Then I realised it was ridiculous that a grown man couldn't do a basic plait or pony tail and asked him to go on YouTube and learn. Lots and lots of clips on there, very easy.

For me the issue was more that he just said, "I can't do that" and left it there rather than the plaiting itself. He wasn't born knowing how to drive a car but he learned. And plaiting hair is a million timea easier than that.

Loveable, you didn't say it but someone else did. I maybe should've gone back to check their name and directed it to them.

I was just quite shocked someone would say it, lol

I've had a quick skimmy, I think it was Lily's point about her alpha male husband frowning on other men not being able to parent their child solo. I reckon not being able to do a plait is not an issue in that respect.

We'll my daughter has very thick curly hair, which defeats both tangle tamers and tangle teazers. The only way to stop it knotting up is to plait it before bed.

Unfortunately I unusually forget and she currently looks ferral

I plait my daughter's hair before bed too. She wants long hair and for the sake of 30 seconds before bed it saves a whole lot of aggravation in the morning.

She's nitted, has a shower, quick check with the nit comb for a second time, then plaited. DH can't plait, but he'll take his turn with the bit comb and can out it in a normal pony tail

God knows what she does it the night, but it looks like something furry died on her head. She doesn't make an enormous fuss, but with the best will in the world and no matter how gentle we are, it hurts having it all brushed out.

I had no idea people did this. It sounds like a lot of faff to me. Why not just cut their hair short?

Have never been one for fiddling about with girls' hair - when DD had to have a bun for a ballet exam, DP learnt how to do it on YouTube, and he did a fine job too. Much better than I could have done.

Same here, hackmum. I didn't know about the plaiting, but I don't understand why everyone feels they have to let their daughters have long hair if they want it. I often wonder why there are so few little girls with short hair now - when I was little, it was much more popular - and now I'm wondering whether it is simply that parents are finding it harder to say no to their children. If I had a girl I would want her to have fairly short hair (no longer than a bob) because I just like it like that, and I wouldn't consider her old enough to have a say until at least secondary school. (I actually did want long hair at secondary school but my parents said no, and it didn't occur to me to argue. But the reason I wanted it was that nobody else had it, not because everybody did!)

I put Moroccan oil through DD's damp hair and then plait it before bed. It eliminates 90% of the hair related screaming in the morning. DH doesn't, which if he is doing the morning is his problem, not mine, but if I am the one who is going to get screamed at then I agree with the OP, it is annoying.

However, at this point I will ignore it until DD is old enough (soon, I hope) to do it herself.

Oh - and in our case yes, DD does want long hair, but more to the point I think her very fine, moderately curly hair would actually be harder to manage in a bob than it is long, when it can at least be tied back to look moderately tidy for 5 minutes

i am shocked at the people saying having it cut short! two years ago dd had her hair cut to just above her shoulders, she sent what she had cut off to the little princess trust to be made into wigs for children with cancer. i have to say it was more of a PITA short than.her long hair had ever been! it needed styling, she couldn't tye it back and it was a real pain.for the bun she has to have for ballet! at least once its combed through when its long a quick ponytail looks tidy. she hated it short and now wont even consider a trim!

Thehorsehasbolted- it's not an inability to say no, it's short hair=boy, long hair = girl mentality that we seem to be subscribing to these days. When my dd had a gorgeous pixie crop she loved, she had to spend a lot of time telling other kids (and adults) yes, she was a girl, no, she wasn't a boy in a dress, yes, she had short hair but wasn't a boy. It was actually quite scary the amount of people who challenged her gender purely on haircut. Once in the shower after swimming two children were quite nasty about her wearing a girls swimming costume, while their parents looked on.

It takes quite a lot of guts for a small child and their parents to go against such norms, so most conform. They see it as protecting their child from bullies.

Dancestoherowntune, I agree mid length can be worse than long! One of mine has very short hair, the other a bob long enough to put in a pony tail.

Of course men can plait hair!

If DD wants her hair long and plaiting for bed makes it more manageable, he should stop moaning and just do it!

I'm certain DH could, he can do fancy rope splicing and sew quite neatly when be has to.

I'm not sure be ever has as DD didn't find sleeping on plaits comfortable until she could do her own.

If he has DD's, plaiting is a basic skill, if they are going to be allowed to have long hair.

The number of nit cases would halve in primary schools if little girls had their hair tied back properly all the time. Ponytails on anything longer than shoulder length aren't adequate for stopping it flouncing all over the place.

Ear length - fine. Ear - shoulder, ponytails and clips - fine. Anything longer needs a plait, or it just fluffs all over. Just because it's not in their eyes, doesn't mean it's not all over the shop. Especially the fine, straight hair a lot of little girls have.

So, yes, it is a basic skill. Either learn it, or cut it short.

Oh, and ponytailing all the time, properly - i.e. tightly enough that it's not falling out as soon as they run two steps - will damage the hair strands and lead to more knotting.

YABVVVU

Why should he have to plait hair because you say so. Why should he have to learn, and why plait it before bedtime, its a mess in the morning.

If anybody had suggested I had to learn I'd have told them to get stretched, your dd can do it herself when she wants to, mine managed it ok and I still can't plait her hair.

more he should learn to plait as it's a basic skill that makes the OP and his daughters life easier.

Also, a quick stop hair tangling plait isn't exactly rocket science. He's not been asked to do her hair to Wimbledon ball girl standard!

Personally I'd just make DH untangle unplaited hair every week end morning, he'd very quickly learn to plait.

Because for some textures of hair it does make a huge difference. DDs DF it's essential, DD1 it helps, DD2s incredibly silky hair it just makes it wavy.

Another vote for the Tangle Teezer brush. It is truly magical. I have seen a child who was practically brush-phobic from daily brushing trauma sit quietly as the TT worked its magic and say "Mummy, that didn't hurt AT All!"

Buy him one of these for practising?

I think a 5yo should have hair that is easy to manage. When my dd was 5 she had a basic bob and fringe that she brushed herself. Plaiting for bed for a young child is just making work for yourself IMO.

DH couldn't, until I went away for three weeks. Then it turned out he could. The bastard.

I agree with the cut-short-ers. If your child can't manage their own hair, just cut it short enough to be easily manageable.
My 8 year old DD is growing her hair long now that she can look after it herself, before that she had a chin-length bob because she has fine, frizzy hair that tangles terribly and she used to hate having it brushed.

My 3 year old has a slightly longer bob because her hair is very smooth and doesn't tangle so much. Spending ages faffing over small children's hair sounds a nightmare tbh.

Plus my FIL thinks little girls (and grown women for that matter) should only have long hair so that's a good enough reason for mine to have short...

If no one actually wants to plait it then I would tell them they can have it long when they can do it themselves and get it cut short. I certainly wouldn't want all that unnecessary hassle and so I can quite understand why a man doesn't want to learn.

Yanbu.

I am a woman, and I have had to learn to do TIES for our sons, it is not only dhs job!

My hair is very fine and tangles easily. I had it waist length when I was young and it was plaited every night. Sorted the morning squealing and stamping as my mum ripped out half my hair with the brush.

You were very lucky if you didn't wear a tie for years as a girl!
It is the same as hair- they learn to to tie the tie - leave long hair until they can do it. I can't see the point in having long hair when they are too young to manage it - unless you enjoy doing it. To have it long and then moan you don't have time and DH has no interest is madness- cut it short and no problem!