Is she grabby? Am I selfish?

[Tinytillytot]

I recently got an ex colleague a job in my new company. I referred her through the "referral scheme" which means I receive some money from my employer. My colleague has received an 8k pay rise starting at my place but now keeps asking how much I'm going to give her out of the referral money? At first I was shocked and laughingly said "nothing". Since then she's mentioned it on a further two occasions in front of other colleagues, it's awkward and now I feel quite angry that she's putting me on the spot. AIBU? I started at a new job when I was younger and was referred in similar circumstances and would never have dreamed of asking that person for any of the money. But maybe i'm selfish!? Im starting to doubt myself and its making me anxious. what's the verdict?

Why should you give her any of it? She got a new job and a hefty pay rise, tell her to sod off!

Er, no... YANBU! I can't imagine why she thinks she is owed some of the referral money! Especially as she's now got a higher salary. Don't know how you can tell her once and for all though.

From what you have said YANBU and she is being a cheeky mare. The referral money is yours as an incentive for referring people. Why does she think she is entitled to some of it? Is there something I'm missing because that doesn't make sense

She's grabby. Unless of course you told her before she applied that you'd split it with her?
She got a new job; you got a referral fee. Seems fair.

The cheek of some people is just breathtaking!

The awful thing is that I bet she completely believes she is in the right too.

YANBU! She sounds very grabby, she benefited through you referring her. Like you I would never dream of asking someone for the referral money in a situation like that. I wouldn't be giving her anything.

Tell her she'll get referral money when she refers someone...

Oh and I know how you can tell her - just say it straight 'no that's my money for referring you, if you were meant to get a portion you would have got it from our employer. When am I getting some of your increased pay then?'

Tell her you'll give her half and look forward to your £4000 a year for the foreseeable future!
On a serious note - she wants you to do her a favour and pay her for the privalege, tell her to take a hike.

Just point out that without the referral there would be no job.

Oh wow it is your money tell her what ^^said when she refers she could also get referral money

Tell her to bugger off? She got an 8k pay rise, what more does she want?

She's grabby. You got her a job she should be taking you out for dinner to say thank you not asking you for a portion of the referral money.

I know someone who moved to a new company on redundancy and managed to get 8 of his old team mates hired by his new place. He got £700 for each referral but his mates were incredibly grateful.

I'd say when she gives me half of her new wage for referring her in the first place.

That answers perfect ^^ just laugh and ask her when she's going to give you half her payrise since you got her the job.

What's the company line on the referral money?

Presuming it's words to the effect 'We give the person referring the cash, not the new employee' - quote that to her.

I mean, if you're buying a house, the estate agent doesn't give you some of the fees paid by the vendor, do they, that's not really how these things work - so from where does she get the idea that some of the money is hers?

She is being ridiculous. The money is yours, part of your employment/work scheme. Tell her to refer someone if she wants referall amoney.i think next time she asks you need to tell her straight "you are making me feel uncomfortable, I referee you through the company scheme, you can do this as well, please stop asking me".

YADNBU. If I were you I would be interested to know on what basis she thinks you should share your referral fee. But it is yours and she has benefitted with a new job and a pay rise. Grabby? And then some.

Nope, i never promised to give her any money before. I don't know why she thinks this way but she was genuinely affronted when I told her I wouldn't be splitting it. It's really getting to a point where I need to say something but the thought of having this conversation is massively stressing me out. Last week at a company after work drinks event she brought it up again and another colleague with an embarrassed look on his face said "awkwaaaaaard" before walking away. It was humiliating and I'm worried that she will continue to mention it. Not sure how to approach this conversation?

Er, tell her where to go.

If it wasn't for you she wouldn't have a job in the first place.

Cheeky cow, she should be grateful to you for getting her the job. Maybe you should tell your boss about this and get him/her to explain how the referral scheme works.

Oh yes, she is being very grabby. I think I'd just say, I'm not sharing it, it is not intended to work that way. And walk away.

I would speak to her manager about it and ask them to have a word with her. She sounds out of control, talking about it in public. There's no reason why she should get a penny. I bet you wish you hadn't had a penny, now, and she hadn't got the job!

Sounds like you will have to be blunt with her. You got her a job.

Bet you regret that referral now, eh?

What a grabby boot.