Is she grabby? Am I selfish?

[Tinytillytot]

I recently got an ex colleague a job in my new company. I referred her through the "referral scheme" which means I receive some money from my employer. My colleague has received an 8k pay rise starting at my place but now keeps asking how much I'm going to give her out of the referral money? At first I was shocked and laughingly said "nothing". Since then she's mentioned it on a further two occasions in front of other colleagues, it's awkward and now I feel quite angry that she's putting me on the spot. AIBU? I started at a new job when I was younger and was referred in similar circumstances and would never have dreamed of asking that person for any of the money. But maybe i'm selfish!? Im starting to doubt myself and its making me anxious. what's the verdict?

I reckon the conversation they had went something like this:

Grabby: I need a new job
OP: My company are hiring, if I refer you, I get some money for it
Grabby: Oh great, cant wait

She probably thinks the OP offered to split the money, even though OP never said a word like that.

Actually she was going to apply for a role in a different department and I knew we were already recruiting internally and had already un officially given the job to someone so I offered to refer her for an upcoming role in my dept. does that change things? Also, my manger after the role spoke to me off the record after her interview that he was concerned as she was somewhat unenthusiastic and also seemed more concerned with making something else (a hobby) a full time career. I convinced him otherwise so I really believe that I swung the decision there. Argh! This is such an unsavoury situation!

This is such an unsavoury situation!

No - it really isn't.

Just explain that it is down to you that she got the job so until she gives you half of her bonus, you won't be giving her anything.

If you stress over this and pay it any heed then you will convince yourself to hand over half the cash. This is ludicrous. Walk away from her laughing if she brings it up again.

Just be firm.. say 'I'm not going to give you any money so please stop asking' and walk away. She'll make herself look like a right tit if she complains to anybody

Unless you had an agreement prior then she gets nothing.

Simple

The advice from miscellaneous is spot on.

You owe her nothing. You referred her, it's your referral money. Why would she even think she's entitled to it?! What exactly has she done? YOU stopped her from applying for a role that she had no chance of getting, and helped secure a job for her with an 8k rise! Cheeky bitch!

Do you actually have the referral money yet? I've known firms pay out say 3 months into the new hire's contract, not immediately. That could be a way of stalling?

Potentially this is a win-win situation for you and colleague.

She just happens to have a talent for turning gold into base metal.

Im going against the grain a bit here. In my industry in my area it's the usual practice to split the referral fee, you'd be looked askance at if you didn't and probably wouldn't get any more referrals since people tend to know each other and talk.

However, I've never known anyone to be as rude as she is being about it so that would go against her in my eyes. If it's not standard to split it I'd just tell her straight that you're not splitting it and you're not interested in discussing it further. Sounds like you'll lose the friendship but she doesn't sound like much of a friend anyway.

DH and I have been on both ends of this at various times. The referrer has always offered to split the referral money, but the referree has politely declined each time. I think that is the norm in our industries/area.

If anyone does think of sharing the money, don't forget that you are taxed on it, so don't share the gross.

No. The money will not be paid until October, that's what I'm finding stressful, the fact that these comments are potentially going to continue for another 3 months. But thanks for all the feedback, I'm definitely feeling happier knowing that the general consensus is that I'm not bu. I think if she mentions it again I'll tell her it's making me uncomfortable and my decision is final. Money really is the route of all evil!

Incredibly grabby. I was referred for my current assignment (referrer would have got a referral payment). Didn't stop me taking them out for a thank you lunch though.

Interesting. In my industry it is common knowledge that any referral fee is split 50:50, to the extent where it is factored into any decision to move.

Might this apply to you?

Just explain to her that the referral scheme bonus is yours for introducing her to the company, it has nothing to do with her as she wouldn't of had it anyway if she had applied through a normal interview process.

So yes she is grabby and YADNBU.

Ok, so this is now a bit weird! The money won't come until October she's banging on about it to new colleagues now? That's just odd - and makes her look very grabby, or perhaps desperate for cash. Not the best first impression either way. And surely all your colleagues know the money won't be paid for a while, which makes her look all the more strange.

I wouldn't say anything direct if she brings it up again - rather I'd make ca comment along the lines of 'it'll be ages until I actually receive the money, so there's no point worrying about it now'.

There's a cynical bit of me that thinks she hasn't realised there's a delay, is hoping to get her half of the cash and then scarper.

Sounds like she really doesn't understand how a referral scheme works. She may be thinking that if it was not for her, you would not get a penny - but still that doesn't entitle her to any of the referral money. At my workplace there is a policy for the referral scheme, can you ask for this (if they have it) and give her a copy?

Tell her that when she refers someone she will get the referral money and that she isn't getting any of yours.