to not invite people who can't be arsed congratulating us?

[StarSwirl92]

About a week ago I i asked my boyfriend to marry me. Since then not one member of my family has bothered to say congratulations. No phone calls, no cards, no Facebook. Nada. So when it comes round to the wedding WIBU to not invite a single one of them.

My grandparents and parents have been the only ones to care and I'm tired of doing things for the same of family politics. My dad says fuck them but they're my mother's relatives.

Oh jesus, please excuse the mistakes. Damn tablet.

how have you conveyed this news ? have you been together long ?

How big was your announcement? Are your family normally good at communicating?

We've been together for 3 years, I've told every family member I've seen. Which includes the family gossips. it's hard to explain but everyone knows everything about everyone else, it can be suffocating. I know for a fact they've been told, if not by me then by someone I've seen. I'd tell everyone individually but theres like 80 people to cover. I even put it on the dreaded Facebook and people I could see were online didn't bother with a like.

So you haven't told them personally , just a select few ? And how did they react ? tbh with so many people not actually getting married after being engaged it probably just doesn't seem like such a big deal especially if you already live together.

Lots of people, me included, wait to see people to respond to big news rather than replying on Facebook or whatever. If it doesn't really matter to me personally and my response isn't time-critical, I'll just hold out to offer a decent congratulations in person.

Engagement cards aren't that big a thing to lots of people, so don't expect them.

Yeah, I see what you're saying. I think its because we're expected to gush at their life events and being one of the youngest cousins people just shrug. The family network goes through my Gran so when I say I've not told them in person nobody does, it's all down to my Gran. I know she's told people, I just guess they don't care that much.

Did the people you tell face to face not even congratulate you? That's really odd if so. Are they opposed to your relationship somehow?

People being online on Facebook doesn't mean they are paying attention to it, or check every post on their feed constantly. I tend to notice images on Facebook more than text, perhaps you could try and post a nice pic of the two of you with some mention of how you are looking forward to planning the wedding. Maybe you could send out a group message or text so people are likely to see it. It is still early days I am sure you will get some acknowledgement soon.

Congratulations OP.

I don't quite understand why you are bothered.
Surely the family members that matter are the ones who have already congratulated you?
I don't know anyone that received a card for their engagement unless they had a party.
It is wonderfully important news for you OP just not everyone sees it that way.

It is a bit like 'make a fuss of me. I demand it or I will pout and not invite you to the wedding'.

Can I turn this round and point out that these people were not important enough for you to contact directly. Things like this work both ways.

Congratulations on your engagement.

Of course some rellies don't care that much. You've got engaged. While it's amazing for you, in the general run of things it's nothing really. What on earth would you expect? Are you always so self absorbed?

Did you let everyone know through Facebook? Sorry, but I'm not surprised you didn't have much of a response, as it's a lazy and impersonal way of sharing your news. Sorry if that sounds harsh, and I hope you can turn the situation around, so that you can focus on enjoying your engagement. Best of luck.

Fair enough. IABU. I just know how much effort has been made for them by me and my family and it's not returned. I'm not bothered about a card, I just thought given how things were for them, would be for us. I guess I am pouting and stomping my feet in a way.

Because it's not faaaaaaaair

Are you going to turn into a bridezilla. Seriously you expected calls, messages and gushes of congratulations? You are taking this way too personally. Some people are glad for you, just don't think it's a big thing in their own lives.

And no, I did not announce via Facebook. I called key family members, drove to see my grandparents and have told heads of each relevant family. Then I facebooked. I don't really have time to call 80 people.

How did the key family members and friends react? They're the ones that really matter after all.

If all your cousins got congrats cards and you didn't then YANBU.

When I got engaged, my mum tx people and they told her to congratulate me. Which she did. But if anyone told my MIL TO PASS on their congrats, she'd've forgotten, cos she's forgetful - it's not personal!

I'll chalk it up to experience, I thought some of us might be closer than this, that's all. Jeez I didn't expect a parade and my wedding plans are quite cheap and basic. It's the marriage I want, I just expected (probably unfairly so) that all the effort I've made for them would be reciprocated. It's not a major event for them but then anniversaries and things weren't major for me, I still made the effort.

I'll take my pram and go pick up my toys...

So when you told people did they just all go 'meh' and shrug their shoulders?

OK, I'm going to sound like an utter bitch here but you do understand what being married is all about right? It's not about the wedding, it is about committing to another person for the rest of your life. From what you have said so far you seem to be singularly interested in the 'look at me' aspect of having a wedding and haven't given a minutes thought to the many years that come after.

Invite people to your wedding if a) you want them there and b) you can afford to host them. Don't use invitations as a reward/punishment. 80 family members sounds excessive anyway.

You are not the centre of the universe.

Sounds like you are a Bridezilla in waiting as people have not reacted in exactly the way you demand.

Especially when you couldn't be bothered to tell people personally, and relied on Facebook.

Either you want these people at your wedding or you don't. I wouldn't judge them on one reaction, which may or may not be to your standards. You either want them there because you like/love them or not.

If you want them there, but decide not to invite them because they didn't congratulate them, then you are cutting your nose to spite your face.

The engagement is not really important.
The wedding is not really important.
Dresses aren't important.
Rings aren't important.
The marriage is all that matters and that's between you and your partner.

Why worry about what others think or how they react?