to really dislike weddings abroad

[StepfauxWife]

There might be a standard MN position on this but I'm really wondering why on earth people have weddings abroad. DH's brother is getting married on a picturesque European Island in a couple of weeks and the closer it gets, the angrier it makes me.

The entire thing is plain ridiculous. We have an 18mo DD, have paid a fortune for budget airline flights (£800) and accommodation. It's at least 30 degrees and notorious for being child unfriendly. The entire thing is costing us around £3000 for less than a week.

I just hugely protest to being told where to go on holiday and when. It's peak season, there's no way I would be going away now when it's school holidays. And there's no way we would be going to this particular place with a child.

To make it worse, we're not even close to BIL. DH said we had to go because it's his brother, but they hardly make an effort with us (they live a few hours' drive away but didn't come to DD's birthday). DH's entire family are complaining about the cost, it has been crippling for everyone.

So tell me wise MNers, AIBU? My view is that if you want to get married abroad either pay for people or have it somewhere accessible, e.g. The south of France where there are more than two airlines flying there?

Would appreciate any tips on how to enjoy this potential nightmare as otherwise I'm going to be the sour faced one in all the pictures

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

My sister got married abroad and didn't invite anyone at all. I think that's a considerate way of doing it. I think it's a bit odd if you end up getting married in a foreign language somewhere that you have no link to, but if it makes other people happy, that's fine by me. On the basis you've paid for it, you really need to make the most of this. Think of the brownie points?

[Writerwannabe83]

My DH wanted to get married abroad and I said no way. There isn't a chance on hell my family and friends would have been able to afford the cost in order to come- and most importantly I would never, ever dream of expecting people to pay out £1000's just to come to my wedding.

If people want to have weddings abroad then fair enough but they certainly shouldn't ask or expect anyone else to go.

[LindaMcCartneySausage]

You'll cope in the heat - billions of people around the globe do it every day. I'd be astonished if there wasn't air conditioning everywhere. Hell, it's been at least 30 degrees in London recently - without domestic aircon. I think you're making a big fuss and have decided already to hate every minute.

Look, you are going to a beautiful European island, lucky you. It's costing a fortune because it's high season, but I'd try to look at it as a holiday with an annoying wedding in the middle.

[ShanghaiDiva]

No one is dictating where you should go on holiday, as you don't need to attend. Surely when someone is planning on having their wedding abroad they must realise this will affect the number of potential attendees.
my brother got married in the US (in his wife's home town). I did attend as this was pre kids and had a great two week holiday in California.

[Bunbaker]

As has been written on MN many times before - a wedding invitation is an invitation not a summons.

You could have just turned it down.

[Teddybeau1988]

Yanbu.

We reluctantly agreed to attend BiLs wedding abroad, oringinally it was set for during the six weeks holiday. My two DDs were bridesmaids, had dressed bought, then they changed the date to term time. It caused a major headache for me as the school frowns upon term time holidays. We had to get dd2 a passport and renew DHs. We had to pay for dog kennels and the hen and stag nights on top of our flights and hotel. We spent a fortune.

SiL and her family couldn't afford it, so inlaws had to pay for all of them

[SwedishEdith]

I think if you choose to marry abroad you should assume no-one will come and have a party at home later, maybe. Unless you could pay for all the guests. If it was somewhere I didn't want to go for my summer holiday I just wouldn't go

[Tory79]

We got married in Florida, on the understanding that we knew it would mean not many people would come, but it's what we really wanted to do. I definitely agree that there should be no expectation on anyone to attend a wedding abroad. In the end we had 16 people there which was great. We hired 2 large villas for the first week to put everyone up in, and we also paid for flights for my db and dsil as they have no money.

We then had a blessing and evening do a couple of weeks after we got back for everyone else.

Not sure I have any tips on enjoying it I'm afraid, I would be pretty pissed off to be put in that position.

[Lally112]

So other people don't come? I don't know, I got married in a registry office for less than 100 quid and only brought 4 mates as witnesses. if I wasn't two weeks away from giving birth and had a passport and money I would have possibly gone abroad.

[PeppermintInfusion]

I think they are strange that you effectively have two wedding days, and getting dressed up a 2nd time would be like Groundhog Day.

Also you would need to have loads of people coming for a big party atmosphere or none to make it seem intimate. Anywhere that it would cost a significant amount to attend/you couldn't go for a long weekend (ie full package holiday etc) seems too big of an ask.

Is it really that much cheaper to go away these days or is it more about the location?

[Leeds2]

You don't sound like you particularly want to go so, in those circumstances, I would've declined the invitation completely (no one would surely criticise someone for not going to a wedding abroad), or suggested OH went by himself for the weekend.

[LizardBreath]

Don't go. Simple as that. I went to one abroad and made a holiday of it and it was brilliant-I'd go to someone else's again (if I could afford/was free etc).

The b&g knew some people wouldn't attend and that was fine. Just don't go.

[whiteblossom]

yanbu. my BIL got married abroad. Due to the location, logistics, cost and unsuitability for our ds then 2, dh went on his own. I don't think I was ever forgiven but we didn't have the money for it, and we had to put ds first. We did explain at the time and they said they understood...but they didn't and still don't.

There were no direct flights so we had to either travel 2.5 hours to a uk airport that did or get two flights with a 5 hour stop over or fly to the county then hire a car and drive for 2.5 hour when we got there. All with a two yr old that didn't cope well with travel (and other issues) and still napped two hours a day. The wedding was at 5pm no where near the hotel and the meal served at midnight in the middle of nowhere with no means of transport unless we hired a car. It would have cost over £3k- which at the time would have gone on a credit card. When dh got back he said we had made the right decision and that ds would never have coped.

[SorryForTheTypos]

I think if you get married abroad because that's what you want to do, you have to accept that other people may not be able or want to attend. We haven't been to a single wedding for abroad for exactly the reasons you outline.

I would think if my sibling particularly wanted me at their wedding they would have the wedding in the country we both live in. If they weren't particularly bothered if I went or not, then fair play and I'm not going to get upset over it as its completely their choice. I'm not explaining that very well but I'm trying to say don't feel bad about going as your attendnace probably isn't that important to them anyway - not because they don't like/love you of course, but because they want a certain type of wedding irrespective of who can attend.

[Stinkle]

I think it's fine to get married abroad, so long as you don't assume that everyone will be willing to attend.

DH's sister got married in the Caribbean a few years ago. Entirely her choice, but she then threw the biggest hissy fit known to man because 99% of her guest list declined.

DD1 was 6 months old at the time and the wedding was child free. There was no way we could afford it, and we weren't prepared to leave our 6 month old baby for a week, meaning DH would have gone on his own. Even if we did have the ££ we felt that if we were going to be spending thousands on a holiday it would be a family one, not one only 1 of us could go on

We declined, as did pretty much everyone else. Cue, whopping great strop that her whole family were abandoning her and no one would be there to see her get married.

If it's really important to you that friends and family are going to be at your wedding, then it's probably not a good idea to get married abroad unless you're going to pay for all your guests

[SorryForTheTypos]

Why would you throw a hissy fit? Urrrgggghhhh some people!

Remember that thread on here a while back about someone who was asking people to contribute to the hire of a private island? I'd love to know how that went!

[backbystealth]

My cousin got married in Tuscany. We didn't go. Her parents even (very kindly) offered to pay our flights but it wasn't just that. We didn't want to go away at that time of year, we didn't want the faff with three young dc and we didn't want to spend 5 days with the family!!!!!!

YANBU

[Branleuse]

can your dh go without you

[sooperdooper]

You don't have to go, you could've easily said no

We got married abroad because I didn't want a big wedding, but DH wanted a church service, so we compromised.

People were invited, but we said upfront that if people couldn't come/didn't want to come it was fine, many didn't, quite a few did.

If anyone decided they were compelled to come and bitched about it afterwards I'd much rather they didn't bother :) I'd have been quite happy had it just ended up me & DH.

We didn't have a party/wedding reception when we came home, I don't see the point of that, if you're doing that why not just have the wedding at home

[sweetnessandlite]

I don't understand the business of having a wedding abroad and then, coming back and having a blessing, then another evening do.
In a way, that's like having 3 weddings! Why not just have the one (in this country) and be done with it.

But to effectively go through the whole thing 3 times? unless you LOVE to be the centre of attention, to the extent you want to keep repeating the experience

But, each to their own and if people want to make things more complicated then that's up to them.

[sooperdooper]

If it's really important to you that friends and family are going to be at your wedding, then it's probably not a good idea to get married abroad unless you're going to pay for all your guests

I agree, to be perfectly honest if noone had come it'd be have fine by me, I've never really understood wanting to make such a big to do out of getting married, my parents didn't even invite anyone to their wedding, I think that's where my views on it come from

[Siarie]

YABU, the bride and groom are not forcing you to go they have kindly invited you to come. Just like any wedding you can decline or accept their invitation based on your own circumstances.

Me and my DH looked into going abroad, we would have pay for everyone to come and accepted it would have been less people. But we decided that we wanted to have it at home and invite more people, instead we payed for the whole venue exclusively and rooms for our guests. But if we had of had it abroad I can assure you that they wouldn't want you to come if you are going to be resentful about spending the money. You just sound really like you are holding a grudge to be honest.

[sooperdooper]

sweetnessandlite I completely agree, I think some people just want the attention, I've also heard of people sending out a gift list for their 'reception' in the UK to people who weren't even invited abroad

Just get married, end of, stop with the bloody song and dance about it!

[Siarie]

paid* not payed lol.