to really dislike weddings abroad

[StepfauxWife]

There might be a standard MN position on this but I'm really wondering why on earth people have weddings abroad. DH's brother is getting married on a picturesque European Island in a couple of weeks and the closer it gets, the angrier it makes me.

The entire thing is plain ridiculous. We have an 18mo DD, have paid a fortune for budget airline flights (£800) and accommodation. It's at least 30 degrees and notorious for being child unfriendly. The entire thing is costing us around £3000 for less than a week.

I just hugely protest to being told where to go on holiday and when. It's peak season, there's no way I would be going away now when it's school holidays. And there's no way we would be going to this particular place with a child.

To make it worse, we're not even close to BIL. DH said we had to go because it's his brother, but they hardly make an effort with us (they live a few hours' drive away but didn't come to DD's birthday). DH's entire family are complaining about the cost, it has been crippling for everyone.

So tell me wise MNers, AIBU? My view is that if you want to get married abroad either pay for people or have it somewhere accessible, e.g. The south of France where there are more than two airlines flying there?

Would appreciate any tips on how to enjoy this potential nightmare as otherwise I'm going to be the sour faced one in all the pictures

[Ketchuphidestheburntbits]

Indigo, some children (and their parents for that matter!) really don't enjoy hot weather and just can't cope in the heat. Even if they are usually well behaved once a small child is too hot they will become very miserable however lovely the location is for the wedding.

Op, you have my sympathy. I can't think of any trip I'd hate more than an unchild friendly, expensive wedding in peak season involving someone that I'm not close to but obliged to attend with a toddler in tow. YADNBU

[FoodieMum3]

I didn't go to a sibling's wedding (Portugal) nearly 2 years ago and I have never been forgiven by anyone in the family since. Of course they still speak to me but it caused everyone so much hurt at the time.

My reasons were:

We could not afford it at that time(accommodation etc was all dictated)
I had a small, colicky baby.
We were only given 6-8 months notice as far as I can remember, it was all very sudden.

I'm not sure if I regret not going but if I had known the hurt it would have caused, I probably would have done my very best to go. Truthfully, I didn't even really consider going at all and maybe that's what really wound them all up?

Personally, if I was to get married abroad I would give guests at least a year notice (probably more) and assure them that it was very understandable if they could not attend. No pressure.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

THe Aston ppl have wedding overseas (incase it hasn't been explained) is that the B&G get mo for their money. A beautiful venue at a fraction of the cost of a UK wedding in a "nice" venue.
The cost is shared with the guests.
Stay in an all inclusive resort in Bahamas and the wedding costs you a few hundred quid on top of your holiday.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

aston (new iPad and I haven't set the autocorrect)
I meant reason of course. Sorry.

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

My cousin got married abroad, but that was because my aunt, uncle and other cousin (his sibling) were all dead. If he had got married in the UK, the rest of the family would have turned out to support him, but my suspicion was that having all of us there would have made those who were not there even more obvious - so they got married abroad - I think they had two locals as witnesses.

I do think, though, that what he did was very different to booking a wedding abroad, and wanting all your loved ones to pay hundreds/thousands of pounds to attend your wedding. I think if you want to get married abroad, you shouldn't expect your family and friends to attend - most of us can't afford more than one holiday, and it is not unreasonable to want to choose your own holiday destination - but at the same time, it's not unreasonable to want to be at the wedding of someone you are close to.

We planned our wedding around the Proms (that was where we met) and chose the time of the wedding, and the format of the reception (an afternoon buffet for everyone, followed by a meal for close family in the evening) so that our Prommer friends could get back to London for the evening's Prom concert. I don't think this took anything away from our day - on the contrary - it meant we could have lots of our friends at the wedding, which meant the world to us.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

As others have saidweddings abroad sound like a brilliant option for h, aving a nice wedding without the fuss and drama of guests :o

Having a wedding at an expensive to reach and stay at far away resort which won't suit other family members and expecting them to spend beyond their normal holiday budget to attend is ridiculous.

I wouldn't go in your circumstances.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Indigo I also think people worry excesively about travelling with kids, but that doesn't mean I'd be happy to be told where and when to travel eith them, especially for an amount of money that would pay for something we'd get far more out of than a week trying to keep them from disturbing honeymooners at a wedding resort.

[CalamitouslyWrong]

One of DH's cousins is getting married abroad. Her dad is not happy about it. He's paying for the PILs to fly out there (and some other family members). Last time we saw him, he kept apologising that we weren't invited (not that we were in any way out out by it, but he is clearly annoyed that he didn't get to throw a huge party). He also kept muttering in about how people should either have a big do at home or go away on their own abroad. Apparently his daughter's plan is 'neither fish nor fowl' and he's not happy. (Of course, he also hates his soon-to-be-son-in-law, which doesn't help).

[indigo18]

I don't know of any 'Wedding Resorts'. The weddings I have been to abroad were at a family friendly beach resort and one where theB&G hired a fabulous villa for the reception and had a church wedding.
I agree, don't go if it doesnt suit but it is possible to combine a wedding with a family holiday, and just be prepared to give a bit - maybe not your choice of place to holiday, but do it for your DB, DS or whoever.
Of course children get hot, as do adults, but very few places abroad have no airconditioning and are well set up with shady places so that you do not have to boil.
One of my best wedding memories is sitting in a villa on a caribbean island; the whole side of the vast room opened to the pool and sea view beyond, and a cooling breeze swept across us as we sipped pina Coladas...bliss. And yes, there were children from 2 to 15.

[ElephantsNeverForgive]

I'm afraid I declined an invert action from my cousin to Central London on August bank holiday.

Yes the venue might have been cheaper, but a hotel room for us certainly wouldn't have been.

The DDs were very small and would have been an utter nightmare in a hot posh hotel.

And the invite arrived the day after I'd booked our holiday, so London prices seemed even less appealing.

Sometimes people have to accept that their wedding is not top of others priorities.

[MissBattleaxe]

Its not so much about travelling with kids, its about the fact that the wedding replaces the family holiday.

[LittlePeaPod]

YABU. at the end of the day you dont have to go. You and your Dh are choosing to go so you cant get pissed off with BIL. The person to be pissed off with is your DH for forcing you into going.

We got married abroad and invited no one. We originally were getting married in the Uk but got sick of people moaning about how we wanted our wedding to go. At the end of the day they all forgot it was about us so we canceled the UK wedding and blew all our wedding money on getting married in the Seychelles, alone. It was amazing and we have no regrets. We would doit again.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

indigo that lovely wedding memory. Whose wedding was it?
Sounds lovely.

[Panzee]

I had a wedding abroad (short haul) because I didn't want anyone to come. Too much family politics. Which is why I never had a party on return either. All those people would have given my family grief about not being invited to the wedding would have given my family grief about not being invited to the party.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Alone. Yes, that is the way IMHO.
Elope.

[Mybigfatredwedding]

I got married abroad with very close family only and had the opposite problem - people were upset that they weren't invited! We didn't have a party as I thought it kind of defeated the object of going away, we just had a beautiful day, gorgeous food in a lovely location, no guest dramas or table place worries and I still don't have any regrets.

You can't please everyone so just please yourself is my motto.

Having said that, I don't really get the 'going to the Caribbean to get married and expecting everyone to come, and then also having a party at home as well' but each to their own.

[Mybigfatredwedding]

Oh and my username is no reflection on my real life wedding - no one was massacred, it was a lovely day to the end!

[Azquilith]

Um, just don't go?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

That is true, LittlePeaPod, as long as the bride and groom! and/or the wider family don't get the arse with someone who either can't or doesn't want to attend their expensive wedding abroad.

If I wanted a wedding abroad, I think I would have the wedding with just me and my dp, or just a small group of nearest and dearest, and then have a big party at home later on.

[indigo18]

TheRealAmandaClarke - it was the wedding of a work colleague of DH. Why- does it sound familiar? It was quite amazing. The ceremony in an old, plantation-style church and then the reception overlooking the Caribbean, with a reggae band... Wish I could do it all again!

[MulberryPeony]

YABU. It is their wedding not yours. If you don't want to go then don't go.

[hamptoncourt]

YABU. If you don't want to go then you simply decline the invitation.

It's pretty bad form to accept and then moan about it.

I really hope my DC have weddings abroad - it sounds like great fun to combine with a holiday and means my toxic mother won't go cos she doesn't like forrin

[flyingtrue]

YANBU to be annoyed about having to go abroad for this wedding. YABU about weddings abroad in general.

This isn't a wedding issue or a bride and groom issue, your issue is with your DP. He wants to go, the reasons not to go would certainly stop me going as you want them to stop you going, you DP disagrees. Your DP wants to go. Your issue is with him wanting to go when you don't.

Brother or not, they aren't close so he isn't obligated to go- he wants to go. You don't.

I do think the B&G should always accept if people can't make it and not throw hissy fits if people can't, someone mentioned one having a paddy because people couldn't make it which is ridiculous.

But really in terms of weddings, B&G will always piss someone off. There's been AIBUs on here regarding people not being invited, people being upset because others are eloping and people being upset for not being invited to weddings abroad despite it being because of the B&G wanting no expense.

A wedding invite isn't a summons, go or don't go but this issue is because of you and your DH having differing opinions. Is there no measure for compromise?

[BunnyPotter]

My wedding was abroad, for my family (DH foreign) and my side smaller than DHs. However, we paid for all accommodation, food and drink and transport for three days/four nights for everyone. It wasn't fancy at all, but I really hated the idea of people stressing to come to our wedding.

[MissBattleaxe]

BunnyPotter- you are the perfect bride! That's how to make your guests feel special (and debt free!)