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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH having a birthday strop... going to theme park with young family

107 replies

ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 07:52

It's DH's birthday in a couple of weeks and we'll be away. It'll be Me, DH, MIL, DSD (15), DD1 (2.9yo) and DD2 (4mo).

On his 'birthday day' DH wants to go to the local theme park - think Thorpe Park type with lots of thrill seeking rides. There's also a section suitable for younger children.

I don't think this is a good idea for the following reasons: DD1 hates rides and will refuse to go on anything. MIL who is elderly will not go on anything. I will need to be with DD2 constantly as she breastfeeds almost hourly (a whole other thread...), especially in the hot weather. Also I do not feel it would not be fair to leave MIL with DD's while DH, DSD and I go off on rides. The park is also quite expensive, about £20pp for adults and £15 for DD1 / MIL.

Based on the above AIBU to think going to this theme park is not a practical day out for our family? As it seems we'll be paying the best part of £100 for DH and DSD to go on rides whilst MIL and I try to entertain a bored toddler and a fractious baby?

I've tried discussing this with DH and apparently it is not open to discussion... We are going Hmm as it's his birthday and he wants to go there (no, he isn't 8!).

OP posts:
apermanentheadache · 01/08/2014 12:10

Do you generally get your own way and do the arranging of days out, OP? Come on, honest now Grin ...

I am just wondering whether there is more to him saying 'no arguments' than meets the eye. If he is usually passive and does what others want, then perhaps he feels safe asserting his own wishes given it's his birthday

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/08/2014 12:13

Personally I'd tell him to go alone with his dd, either on his birthday or the day before, then as others have said do something altogether in the evening/the next day.

Personally I love theme parks even as a spectator they usually have nice surroundings and you can take a picnic etc.

However I understand that you don't want to go for the reasons above, but dsd is 15, it won't be long before she's off more with her mates, and you've got years ahead with your lo's.

So I'd insist he goes on the understanding the you'll use the money saved to do something nice you'll all enjoy. But let him go guilt free.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 01/08/2014 12:13

Normally, as in if you weren't breastfeeding a four month old, I'd say go along and get on with it to make his birthday special. It would be a lovely thing to do even if it is not your 'thing'.

However, given you feeding night and day, hourly, and have a tiny baby I think it's unreasonable. Babies of this age can be fractious or you can have a day they feed non-stop. I wouldn't want to be feeding in public, whilst trying to control a toddler at a theme park. At four months, a small outing to the local park for two hours would be a major achievement for us, plus you are presumably sleep-deprived.

I would expect him to be thinking about how I might feel in this situation, as the feeding mum, and work out something that pleases him as well as makes it easy for me to rest/feed/manage other small child and that isn't a theme park in the school holidays.

BreadForBrains · 01/08/2014 12:14

It's not an ultimatum, I get the feeling you are making this into something it's not.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 01/08/2014 12:17

When I say 'I wouldn't want to be feeding in public' I don't mean I would be self-conscious, I mean that my babies never seemed to feed so well in public as at home. So one feed out would have been fine, but an entire day of breastfeeding a wriggly baby in lots of different situations where they wouldn't feed but would probably cry quite a bit wouldn't have been for me anyway. You may have an easier going baby!

Pyjamaramadrama · 01/08/2014 12:23

I agree it's not an ultimatum. It's a compromise. Win win for everyone. When it's your birthday, you get to choose and so in.

Although if he's usually a good guy and really wants you all to spend the day together, then I'd grin and bear it. Your dh can look after the younger dds too while you and dsd go on a few rides. You might even be able to persuade dd to try an couple of rides. There's probably a play area.

And you and mil and lo's can always go off on your own for a while for some coffee and cake and a wander around the gift shop.

Nanny0gg · 01/08/2014 12:26

Went to Pleasurewood Hills years and years ago.

It was rubbish! (Sorry, may have improved)

Also, quite tedious to get to.

Hope he changes his mind.

BackforGood · 01/08/2014 12:26

I wouldn't see it in any way as 'giving him an ultimatum' though.
He wants to go to a theme park for his birthday. Obviously that's not appropriate for MiL, and breastfeeding Mum and small baby, and a toddler, but it still leaves him someone he can go with so he's not on his own - just say 'Have a lovely time with DSD, and we'll all have a nice lunch together tomorrow' (or whatever you feel you can do altogether).
I don't see why it's an issue - he gets his 'treat' and none of you have to be dragged along to something you won't be taking part in, and obviously you won't need to pay for you all to not take part. You'll have a much nicer day and so will he.

Original poster
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 12:34

Thenapoleonofcrime DD2 is anything but easy going Grin and is extremely clingy at the moment.

apermanentheadache Yes I normally do the organising of days out, but I think this is the norm for most SAHP's and it's normally always something everyone will enjoy, but 9/10 it'll be DC centred.

I think the best way to go about it is to say to DH 'we'll all head out early, you and DSD go to theme park and MIL, DDs and I will go to the Sealife Centre and beach which is nearby, then we can all go for dinner together'.

Sound reasonable?

OP posts:
Pyjamaramadrama · 01/08/2014 12:36

I think that sounds very reasonable.

I do think that what appeals to toddlers won't appeal to a 15 year old so keep that in mind. Perhaps that's why he's standing his ground on this one.

Hope it all works out and you all have a good day.

Original poster
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 12:39

Maybe Pyjamaramadrama as if it were just DH, DDs and I and we weren't on holiday I don't think DH would be suggesting a theme park.

OP posts:
maras2 · 01/08/2014 12:46

Perhaps somewhere else.I personally loathe Sea Life and would never consider taking a toddler,EBF baby and elderly MIL to one.Sorry but can't think of an alternative but maybe somwhere free so you won't be out of pocket if you need to leave if any of the three become too fractious.

whatshallwedo · 01/08/2014 12:48

Why don't you suggest the Pleasure Beach as a pp said? That way dh and dsd can go on the rides and it won't cost you, mil or dc's anything to get in as it is all token/wristband operated.

I think that if he goes to the theme park and you go to.the sealife centre you will be doing a lot of driving about because of the distance between them.

Also your dd might surprise you wrt the rides as my dd is a similar age and refuses to go on supermarket style rides but when taken to a kiddies theme park she loved going on rides with me. I was so amazed by this and even there after being on a rollercoaster she still refused to sit in the £1 Peppa pig car Confused

Original poster
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 12:49

maras2 Grin at if any of the three become too fractious.

OP posts:
Original poster
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 12:53

whatshallwedo the pleasure beach may be a good alternative, I'll look into it. Are there 'big' rides there too? And I'm guessing they'll have some sort of hideous arcade type think that will keep DD1 amused.

There's a zoo with toddler rides near where we live and DD1 won't even entertain the idea!

OP posts:
ChasedByBees · 01/08/2014 13:00

Very reasonable. A theme park will be hell trying to keep track of a toddler and find some shade to constantly BF. Absolute hell.

whatshallwedo · 01/08/2014 13:04

There is a rollercoaster, which although is old and doesn't go upside down etc, is ok. I haven't been for quite a while but it has more of a fairground feel to it than a theme park feel.

There are loads of amusements, places to eat, shops nearby, sealife centre, swimming pool and beach which are all on the same road (except for the shops they are just off of it)

gamerchick · 01/08/2014 13:06

I really would just chase him and the teenager to the theme park and meet them later. No asking, no trying to compromise with different places so you can do it all as a family.. just doing it and meeting up later on when he's all sparkly eyed and happy.

natwebb79 · 01/08/2014 13:09

I've taken my DS to the Sealife Centre a few times since he was a year old (he's 2.8 now) and always found it brilliant.

Itsjustmeagain · 01/08/2014 13:13

To be honest I don't see the big problem we have been to this sort of place as a family (me,dh, and children then aged 8,6,4,2 and under 1) and had a great time!.

The older ones have to go to places too young for them all the time so spending a day somewhere a bit older is just part and parcel of being a family.

It sounds like your dh really wants to go and take the older daughter so I would pack a picnic strap the baby in a sling and head off . Your making a big deal out if nothing in my opinion!

maras2 · 01/08/2014 13:24

OP.Though not quite elderly myself as only in my early 60's I find myself becoming fractious more and more :)

apermanentheadache · 01/08/2014 13:57

I have to say as a SAHM for part of the week it's never been the case in my house that I always arrange days out, or even do it the majority of the time. DP is just as likely to, and it's definitely not child centred 9 times out of 10. I would go barking if that was the case!

Maybe that's the issue. DH feels outings are always child centred and wants a break from it all. It wouldn't be unreasonable of him to feel that way.

whatshallwedo · 01/08/2014 15:14

ItWasMyOwnSilence I have found a discount voucher in an events magazine for pleasurewood hills. It is for upto 10 people and you are more than welcome to it if you do end up going there, just pm me Smile

SpicyPear · 01/08/2014 16:32

I was on the fence until I saw it is Pleasure wood Hills. Your DH is being unreasonable. That place is an appalling dump for any age.

Original poster
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 19:20

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Spoke to DH over dinner and we decided we would all go to the theme park and would take it in turns to go on rides / hold baby (feeding dependent).

DH rightly pointed out that as DD1 is not being overly delightful a PITA at the moment she'll probably 'play up' wherever we go.

OP posts: