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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH having a birthday strop... going to theme park with young family

107 replies

ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 07:52

It's DH's birthday in a couple of weeks and we'll be away. It'll be Me, DH, MIL, DSD (15), DD1 (2.9yo) and DD2 (4mo).

On his 'birthday day' DH wants to go to the local theme park - think Thorpe Park type with lots of thrill seeking rides. There's also a section suitable for younger children.

I don't think this is a good idea for the following reasons: DD1 hates rides and will refuse to go on anything. MIL who is elderly will not go on anything. I will need to be with DD2 constantly as she breastfeeds almost hourly (a whole other thread...), especially in the hot weather. Also I do not feel it would not be fair to leave MIL with DD's while DH, DSD and I go off on rides. The park is also quite expensive, about £20pp for adults and £15 for DD1 / MIL.

Based on the above AIBU to think going to this theme park is not a practical day out for our family? As it seems we'll be paying the best part of £100 for DH and DSD to go on rides whilst MIL and I try to entertain a bored toddler and a fractious baby?

I've tried discussing this with DH and apparently it is not open to discussion... We are going Hmm as it's his birthday and he wants to go there (no, he isn't 8!).

OP posts:
Jollyphonics · 01/08/2014 09:59

I does seem a strange day out to choose, given that only 2 out of the 6 people going will actually be able to go on the rides. But having said that, I think it would be equally unfair to drag a 15 year old around a zoo or farm.

To be honest, I would have thought that a day out that was suitable for such a huge range of ages and interests would be impossible to find, so either people have to compromise, or agree to do different things.

Stinkle · 01/08/2014 10:06

It seems like a spectacular waste of money to insist on 6 people going to a theme park when only 2 are going to go on any of the rides.

We went once as a group when my DDs were young, DD1 refused to go on anything, DD2 was too young for most of the rides, so I spent the day as bag and coat holder/child looker-afterer waiting around while DH went on the rides. It was boring, and a bloody nightmare hanging around for hours while everyone else was queuing

I'd give him 2 choices - go on his own with his DD and meet up for a nice birthday meal later or choose something else

notnumber10 · 01/08/2014 10:07

This sounds like Alton towers if it is they've just opened CBeebies land for the little ones

Some washing powder is doing 2:1 at the moment

BreadForBrains · 01/08/2014 10:10

I'd just say "I think it's going to be a bit difficult spending the day altogether at the theme park, the 2 little ones won't enjoy it, but I know you and sd are really looking forward to it and spending the day together will be a rare opportunity for you both, so we'll catch up with you in the evening.

ExcuseTypos · 01/08/2014 10:13

"I might suggest we do something different on his birthday that we can all go to and enjoy then he takes DSD on a different day (we're away for a week) if he really wants to go."

Yes Itwas Give him that option OR

Tell him you want him to do what he wants on his birthday, so he should go to the theme park with dd. Then you'll all meet up for a lovely tea in the evening.

He's got 2 options, let him choose.

picnicbasketcase · 01/08/2014 10:15

He's being a dick. Just because it's his birthday, it doesn't allow him to 'demand' anything. If he's older than 4 he should be able to understand that he doesn't get everything his own way.
What an utter waste of money to pay for three people to go somewhere they don't want to be and won't enjoy.

adeucalione · 01/08/2014 10:31

I think it's his birthday, it's not an outlandish request and you say that he is generally pretty selfless.

I think you should go and make the most of it, which is perhaps what he will be doing on at least some of the other days out you plan for the holiday.

I've looked at the website and there are things your toddler can enjoy even if they don't like rides, and the baby won't care where you go.

Floralnomad · 01/08/2014 10:38

I'd go ,let's face it most of what would appeal to your toddler is going to be very boring for your dsd ,the sea lion show is fun and there's lots of places for picnics and running about IIRC. Presumably if you are on holiday you will do other stuff on other days that you prefer.

SaucyJack · 01/08/2014 10:41

I think YABU. It's his birthday treat- not your two year old's. There'll be stuff there for her to do anyway.

I'm also of the view that an otherwise decent adult is free to do whatever the hell they like on their birthday. I don't think a family theme park with kids in tow is even that self-centred anyway. It's not as if he's going to a strip club.

I think you and the MIL should just suck it up tbh.

WorraLiberty · 01/08/2014 10:48

Tell him he's going with his DD and it's not up for discussion.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 01/08/2014 10:59

I think you would quite like to go on the rides and youre going to be miffed that he is off having fun with dsd while you herd your toddler, feed your baby and keep your mil company.
I can understand that. It has the potential for stress.
I would suck it up. Take some snacks, plan it like a day out without the rides iyswim. You might get to do the odd ride too.
Its not what i would want for a day out in your circumstances but i would probs suck it up for a birthday (and then make sure i did something i wanted for mine)

TheRealAmandaClarke · 01/08/2014 11:01

That said, i think its a stupid idea for a family day out.
So yanbu
But it might be easier fir you to try to get the most out of it iyswim

ihearttc · 01/08/2014 11:05

Oh if its PWH then its definitely not worth you all going! Why don't you drop them off there for the day then the rest of you go into Great Yarmouth take the little one to Joyland and the beach and meet them later.

You can use Clubcard Vouchers there and tbh thats the only way I would go. Its vastly overpriced and in need of a lot of tlc.

We live about 20 miles from there and its not really changed since I went when I was a little girl.

HolgerDanske · 01/08/2014 11:37

I would be doing very little else if I had a four month old to care for, and i think I'd be perfectly reasonable to make that stipulation. I certainly would not be dragging my baby and toddler around for a whole day so my husband could have what he wants on his birthday. I am quite happy to suck it up on most occasions but I won't be dictated to on something like this unless the relationship as a whole is extremely reciprocal in nature.

Original poster
ItWasMyOwnSilence · 01/08/2014 11:38

Thanks for your replies, it seems to be 50/50 as to whether IABU or not.

It's particularly interesting hearing the opinions of those who have been there.

Like I've said up thread I don't particularly want to give DH the ultimatum of choosing between spending the day with DSD or little DDs and I on his birthday.

OP posts:
Castlemilk · 01/08/2014 11:38

If he's going to want to be all together as a family then sell it to him that way - this is going to be a trip which will ensure that it's going to be him and DSD doing certain things and the rest of you not with them!

Silly idea!!

HolgerDanske · 01/08/2014 11:41

It just seems very odd to me that he can't see why it's not the greatest idea. Does he have very rigid ideas of how families are supposed to be and how things work in general? It sounds as if he might.

pickles184 · 01/08/2014 11:51

I don't see that is has to be an ultimatum. If you explain to him that it isn't a day that you would ALL enjoy and as it is his birthday treat then perhaps taking dsd and doing a lovely birthday tea somewhere as a family/couple would be the best way for him to enjoy his day. If it is really important for him that you are all there then of course you must on this occasion suck it up. If he is as understanding and reasonable as you say he normally is then he would surely be able to discuss this with you.
I think the key is making sure that he doesn't feel like you are forcing him to decide between you, so much as encouraging him to have the best day possible.

Tryharder · 01/08/2014 11:52

I see no problem here. He goes with DSD, they have a fab time going on all the white knuckle rides they want without having to stop for little children and breastfeeding mums. They go early on and they've had enough by 4pm.

They then meet you at a suitably relaxing venue for an early birthday tea. Everyone's happy. There is nothing worse than dragging toddlers around theme parks and tbh, I can think of nothing more inconvenient if you are breastfeeding hourly.

Jobzagoodun.

HolgerDanske · 01/08/2014 11:58

I found the use of the ultimatum term odd as well. Seems like you have been set up to feel as if it is an all or nothing situation. You keep saying he has to choose between spending time with his Dsd or his younger children and you, which is obviously how he's decided to see it. Whereas that's not actually the case. He will spend part of the day with her and the rest of the day with everyone.

Never mind the fact that he won't be spending time with you at this venue, unless you spend the whole day sitting around waiting for him to come back down of rides and waiting in the queues with him. If he's expecting you to entertain two very young children all day long just hanging around so he can feel like he's 'spending time with you' then he's being very unreasonable.

However I guess it's also possible that actually you don't want him to go to this venue at all, and you'd prefer that you all did something else together instead, which I do think would also be unreasonable since he's got his heart set on this experience for his birthday.

I still say a compromise would be the best outcome. From both perspectives.

ChillySundays · 01/08/2014 12:02

If he will not go with only your DSD I would keep quiet, go and spend the day planning my birthday. Where could I go that I will enjoy but will be living hell for my DH when he will also have to look after the kids. Immature I know and even if I didn't actually go through with it I would have fun planning!

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 01/08/2014 12:03

Pleasure wood hills is quite local to me. There's a few kids rides and park but quite pricey for what it is I think. Would he compromise on the pleasure beach instead? Then you can go on beach, take younger dc to Joyland which is all kiddies rides.

The soft play Adventure Island isn't too far from pleasure wood hills and one of the nicer ones I've been too - I know they're not everyone's cup of tea but dc's love them and you can sit and feet baby dc and meet up later with dh & dsd for dinner.

BBQsAreSooooOverrated · 01/08/2014 12:05

Sorry. Adventure Island is soft play :)

ICanSeeTheSun · 01/08/2014 12:06

It's his birthday and he should get to decide.

It seems like he is always putting others 1st so perhaps it's about time someone put his wishes first.

natwebb79 · 01/08/2014 12:08

I personally would take the little ones to the Sealife Centre up the road and meet DH and DSD for lunch/dinner afterwards Smile