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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU To Not Get Breakfast For DC?

33 replies

123Jump · 31/07/2014 08:49

My eldest DC are nearly 10 and 7. 10yo has mild AS, very limited diet.
Every morning they ask me for their breakfast. I have been at DC1 for years to get it himself, but it does take an age for him to change routine. He is finally starting to do it- but still asks me first!
DC2 has cereal and milk, and gets so annoyed at me for not getting it for him! They always say "But you are already up there?", meaning in the kitchen. And I am, but does that mean I have to get their breakfast?!
They also do this with drinks throughout the day. Every time I would be near the sink, "Can I have a drink, please?" I have finally stopped doing this, I just say no, get it yourself. But AIBU to do this?
They will wait until I am at the sink and then ask, instead of ever getting up to do it!
To clarify, we have a large kitchen/living area combined.So just passing through will put you near the stuff for breakfast/drinks.

OP posts:
Vitalstatistix · 31/07/2014 08:52

Not unreasonable at all. It's a very basic life skill, isn't it? Mine are teens (both on the spectrum ) and they've been getting breakfasts for years and now take their turn making the main meal. As well as cleaning, loading the dishwasher etc.

PenelopeGarciasCrazyHair · 31/07/2014 09:31

Absolutely NU. My youngest is 7 and has been getting her own cereal since she was 4. Older ones used to help her pour the milk if it was very full and they all sometimes give themselves a bit too much or mix random types together etc, but I'd rather that than be expected to get out of bed do it for them.

I also remodelled my kitchen, including knocking down a wall and moving ALL the appliances (a major job) to make room for a fridge with water dispenser so they can get their own drinks! Visiting small children love using it, as it's a novelty for them to get their own drinks, plastic cups are kept in a low cupboard near the fridge.

Fwiw, dd also makes me tea and coffee with my Tassimo and brings me cereal in bed sometimes, so expecting DCs of that age to do it for themselves is by no means a stretch.

youmakemydreams · 31/07/2014 09:48

Nope not unreasonable at all. My 2 oldest are similar ages and they are expected to get their own breakfast and drinks through the day.

MrsWinnibago · 31/07/2014 10:11

YANBU. My sister is still scuttling round after her 11 year old and it looks silly! This enormous lad sitting there asking for a drink!

My DC are 10 and 6 and they help themselves to easy snacks. Older DC makes toast and sandwiches.

Vivacia · 31/07/2014 10:16

This is quite important to me. If anyone goes to the kitchen for a drink, they are expected to ask if anyone else would like a drink whilst they are there. This took some training.

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2014 10:17

Yanbu

My three yr old gets her own drinks.

My 7+10m yr old can easily sort breakfast for them both.

It's not hard.

lljkk · 31/07/2014 10:20

I guess it depends how much stress you'll have by imposing this. How much they'll kick off & whine & screech about it. I try but mostly fail to get my middle boy (10yo) to look after himself; he just won't do it & I'm pretty sure he's not normal, there's something SN-like about him though I doubt he'll ever get diagnosed. His siblings were happy to fend for selves increasingly from age 6, and they wanted that independence. Middle DS just isn't like that. With great effort he's started making his own toast or bagels (siblings happily did this from age 7 or so).

Middle DS will sneak down in middle of night to get packaged food like crisps or raid the biscuit cupboard, though. ARGH.

Happy36 · 31/07/2014 10:21

You are not unreasonable. We have a housekeeper who prepares meals but our kids (6 and 3) know that they have to lay the table and help clear away dishes afterwards. Our 6 year old gets his own drinks and helps get them for the 3 year old - they only drink water outside of mealtimes and have sports' cap flasks in the fridge so they can take them outside or into other roons without risk of spilling.

Lally112 · 31/07/2014 10:23

Mine get their own and I have two younger than yours, were not talking bacon and eggs or anything but cereal, toast, tea, poptarts etc are fine. DD even made me a cuppa and brought it out to the field for me the other day. She will be 8 in a week.

aprilanne · 31/07/2014 11:20

god i must be pathetic. i get up at 6am and make my 18year olds breakfast before he goes to work.my sons get there own drinks during the day and get things from fridge .any cooked food they leave on bunker and give me a shout to cook it .my 14 year old has aspergers and always say,s well dad does,nt do it .he has a point .it is there fathers fault .not my soft self

BackforGood · 31/07/2014 11:37

You don't really aprilanne, do you - are you just trying to provoke a response ?

Frontier · 31/07/2014 11:38

I get my Dc's breakfast because it's important to me that they have a good one with some protein. If left to them they would have "breakfast" but it would be sugary cereal or toast. It's also important to me that there is "breakfast time" when we all sit down together for 10 mins. If they got their own it would be eaten on the run. I do it because it suits me to do it but if there was an occasion when it didn't , they wouldn't dare complain if I asked them to do it themselves!

I offer them a drink when I'm getting one for myself and expect the same of them. They learned very early on that I never respond to requests yelled at me from another room and that if they want a drink they get it themselves and make one for everyone else who wants one.

I really think that no matter how much it causes to try and implement a similar system (or whatever you want for your household), it will be over in a few days and soon become normal, as long as you stick to it consistently.

Frontier · 31/07/2014 11:39

how much fuss it causes...

deakymom · 31/07/2014 11:51

my five year old gets his own breakfast does his baby brothers and will also do mine!

yanbu

SavoyCabbage · 31/07/2014 11:58

My seven year old sets the breakfast table before she goes to bed. We have weetabix, porridge and one other cereal in plastic containers and a tray with jam, butter etc. on the table.

In the morning the seven year old pours milk in to a jug and heats it in the microwave and everybody gets the cereal or toast they want.

Altinkum · 31/07/2014 12:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

aprilanne · 31/07/2014 12:17

BACKFORGOOD. no i can assure you i am not trying to provoke a response.i am probably a bit soft .i have been a sahm for so long i just got used to it .my hubby quite old fashioned .even although only 47 .all i can say is god help the wives my 3 son,s get .and yes i am probably not helping there bone laziness .if they had been daughters then yes my approach would have been different .

Frontier · 31/07/2014 12:19

Oh dear april, you're going to want to hide this thread soon.

As I said, I do get my boys' breakfast because I like to but they both know who to cook a meal, operate the washing machine and hoover, clean the bathroom, iron, as well as mow the grass and use a screwdriver. It has been my life's work not to create useless husbands Grin

aprilanne · 31/07/2014 12:22

i assume honesty is not the best policy here

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2014 12:27

if they had been daughters then yes my approach would have been different

Pleade try and correct this.

There is nothing worse than men who are incapable of doing things for themselves.

Bringing them up to believe women will wait on them will not do them any favours!

Vitalstatistix · 31/07/2014 12:36

oh april, you are setting your son's up for a miserable few years of independence Grin

plus any daughter in law will HATE you if she gets saddled with an idle bloke who thinks the woman does everything.

You have a small window to put that right. For the sake of any poor woman who gets shacked up with your lads, I urge you to do it Grin

Gileswithachainsaw · 31/07/2014 12:48

Also, just think if you were ill.

It may not be 5 a day, or the best meal going but I at least know that should I be too ill and stuck in bed, dd1 could throw some cereal in a bowl and make a sandwich for dd2

SavoyCabbage · 31/07/2014 12:50

My friend had an accident and her dh was in the army and her seven year old cooked for himself, a four year old and my friend. For about six weeks.

weatherall · 31/07/2014 12:52

April

There's going to be a mil thread about you!

If any woman is stupid enough to put up with that behaviour that is!

MrsWinnibago · 31/07/2014 12:52

What on earth did he make Savoy? Shock my 10 year old can make pasta or pizza or toast...or sandwiches...that's it! We'd be sick as dogs after a week if she was in charge!

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