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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To send these cards during the summer hols?

180 replies

Bocolatechiscuit · 30/07/2014 06:54

I'm a secondary school teacher, and as you will know, the end of year gifts tend to tail off to almost nothing as children move to high school (I don't actually believe in teacher gifts as I see it as doing the job I'm paid to do and absolutely adore, but that's a whole other thread).

This year though, I was given presents from three students. They caught me in the corridor and gave me the gifts in pretty gift bags with a card inside. As it was the last day and I was rushing to lessons, assemblies etc I thanked them profusely of course but didn't open the bags there and then. When I opened them later, they have gone to huge effort, buying personalised gifts and have all written such lovely things in their cards about how they have enjoyed my lessons this year and learned so much etc etc.

So...I'd like to send them a thank you card. I've bought a pack of small cards and am thinking of sending them to their home address which I can easily get from the school system. I'm not going to be teaching them in September unfortunately and in any case feel it's too long to wait to say thank you. I'd like to send a card each, thanking them for their gift, telling them it was a delight to teach them (it genuinely was-fantastic students with lovely bubbly personalities, amazing senses of humour and such a desire to learn) and wishing them a lovely holiday.

Something's holding me back though and I don't quite know why. I've had the cards a week and still not sent them. Is this a nice thing to do like I think it is or is sending them to their home address a bit ott?

OP posts:
Needadvice5 · 30/07/2014 08:41

lovely idea

JustAShopGirl · 30/07/2014 08:43

This is a secondary school - not a primary school, the kids do not have just one teacher - should 26 teachers all have access to my kids' home address - and the TAs and the head and deputy heads, and the heads of year, how about the prefects, the dinner ladies, the caretaker. My dd was polite to the builders and handed over a hammer she found in the canteen - should they get her address and write to her to thank her for saving them £30.

I would see it as crossing a professional line. If people want you to contact them by post personally, they would make sure you personally had their address.

I would not have thought anyone at the school has the right to look up the school's database for the purposes of sending personal post to a child.

I would wait until Sept and send it through the school - you obviously have doubts over whether it is "right" anyhow.

Groovee · 30/07/2014 08:47

I think it's nice to receive a thank you note. However I would send them to their registration class to be handed out or hand in the class you teach them in if you are still teaching this year.

spiderswilldescend · 30/07/2014 08:47

What bad thing do you think might happen if a teacher has the home address of a teenager and sends them a letter to thank them for something? Confused

spiderswilldescend · 30/07/2014 08:48

Actually, I've changed my mind - OP shouldn't send the notes as one of you might be the parent of the pupil it goes to, and all hell will break loose for the poor sod.

barmybunting · 30/07/2014 08:51

I would love to be able to do this for my class (primary teacher here) but I have never done it as I was too nervous to send mail home as I think it is a breach of data protection rules. Personally, I think it is a lovely idea, but professionally, I wouldn't take the chance.

WyrdByrd · 30/07/2014 08:57

Is there someone you could check with that it's ok - school or LEA policy?

Part of the transition process at DD's school is that halfway through the summer hols the kids all get a letter through the post from their new teacher, which is really lovely.

Based on that & the fact you know the families well I don't think it's strange to want to do what you're suggesting, but I would definitely run it by someone first.

burgatroyd · 30/07/2014 08:59

I wouldn't, which is a pity as you have all the best intentions. I would be immensely chuffed with myself if I was a great teacher like you! Its hard in that field with all the bureaucracy.

BettyBolognese · 30/07/2014 09:00

It isn't weird or stalkerish... It's polite.

I'm not sure it's a data protection issue, I get all kinds of crap in the post that I never signed up for. This is a thank you card for a gift.

The school hold the child's address for communication purposes, this is communication.

Delphiniumsblue · 30/07/2014 09:03

It is a modern day problem. A teacher could just be polite in the past without a thought. Now everyone is isolated in their own compartment and normal friendly overtures are looked on with mistrust - sad, sad,sad.

whatadrain · 30/07/2014 09:05

Personally I would avoid sending personal correspondence to students during the school holidays. Email your DCPO and see what they think?

ilovepowerhoop · 30/07/2014 09:05

my dd was really pleased to get a Thank you card through the post from her school teacher this summer holiday - she is at primary school

HarlotOTara · 30/07/2014 09:06

As a safeguarding governor at a school I don't think sending a thank you card is odd at all. If you were going to a student's house or meeting in the holidays that would be a cause for concern. It is sad that paranoia is stopping normal, polite contact.

Missda · 30/07/2014 09:07

I would check with the head of the school first then I would send them.

ChoccaDoobie · 30/07/2014 09:07

How strange some of these responses are! Sending a thank you card is inappropriate! Crikey! I sent my Dr a gift when she was very ill. She sent me a lovely thank you letter, I hardly felt stalked!

I always send my thank you letters over the holidays to the children that I teach. Granted I work in a small rural school and know many of the families. I know the children get excited about the surprise of receiving a letter in the holidays. I always address it to them but on the card or letter put "Dear Freddie and family".

Delphiniumsblue · 30/07/2014 09:13

Another sad sign of the times is that you can't just make a decision you have to get someone higher up to do it. Unfortunately this makes sense, but the person higher up is likely to play safe and so you no longer get the spontaneous, positive human interaction that makes life worthwhile. It is killed by the suspicious people who immediately look for an ulterior motive.

Stopmithering · 30/07/2014 09:14

This has to be the most ludicrous thing I've read here.
Contact the head? Think they have more important things to deal with than give a teacher permission to send a thank you card.
If a child has gone to the trouble of getting a secondary school teacher a thoughtful gift, I think it's hardly likely their parents will complain about a thank you card.
Perspective, people, come on.

CuttingOutTheCrap · 30/07/2014 09:15

Can't you write the cards, put them in envelopes with the child's name on them and a stamp and ask the school to address them for you? Would that get around the DPA issue? I know we've done similar with get well cards for colleagues (by asking HR to address and post)

Trickydecision · 30/07/2014 09:20

Fuck the DPA! And I don't usually swear on MN. Such utter rubbish spouted on here as if the parents are going to contact head, governors, LEA, MP, PM about a thank you card. You sound lovely kids sound lovely, just do it.

CleverWittyUsername · 30/07/2014 09:23

Are you near to your school, is it easy to get to without making a huge special journey? I would want to send something but would also feel uneasy, so would prob pop in at some point, finish up my classroom tidying etc and leave the letters/cards in the school mail so it comes from an 'official' source so to speak. I would also be unable to tap into the data system from home to get their addresses anyway as our network isn't set up for that.

ChoccaDoobie · 30/07/2014 09:23

Exactly Tricky, think this through. There is the tiniest chance that their parent will complain (they wont!) what would they say "this teacher sent my child a thank you card for their present.....they also sent a thank you card to 2 other students".....oh, right......what's the problem with that then?!

starfishmummy · 30/07/2014 09:28

I think a card saying thank you for their thoughtful gift would be fine. I wouldn't out the bit about them being a delight to teach. That bit seems a bit ott.

JustAShopGirl · 30/07/2014 09:29

I don't think anything bad would happen, but just because you can do something (look up the home addresses of children you teach for a few hours a week) does not mean you should. Send a card via the office.

The cards my kids received from their primary teacher were different, just a quick note to say thank you - nothing about the child personally - kept the relationship on a professional footing. They were also postcards - not "private" correspondence.

Delphiniumsblue · 30/07/2014 09:30

On reflection, after reading all the nonsense, I would go ahead and just send them. What is the worst that can happen? Can you imagine the headlines if a teacher gets the sack, or reprimanded, for sending a thank you letter in the holidays!
Teacher gets nice, thoughtful thank you present direct from the pupil- teacher is very touched by the gesture and posts off a little note to their home address- how can people possibly complain? If they were lovely enough to do it then the odds are they have lovely parents!
Ignore the killjoys on here who see the worst of everything and everyone. Most of the world is not like them- thankfully.

Delphiniumsblue · 30/07/2014 09:31

Utterly pointless sending that sort JustAShopGirl- probably wrote the same to everyone- waste of paper, time and effort!

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