To not have any play dates this holiday?

[missmash]

I have always had playdays for my DS(6) friends in the holidays, ranging from one friend to "parties" with up to 6 friends but after a distinct lack of return invites I decided no more!!
But now I'm beginning to wobble, DS is asking if x and y can come over but I just have such a lack of enthusiasm for it, some of the children have one parent who works full time so I understand that it is difficult but really AIBU to expect an invitation in return, I think it's good manners but maybe it's ok not to reciprocate and just expect your child to play at other peoples houses.
I'm really trying not to get annoyed but it's hard! Whenever DS has gone to other peoples houses the parents always say he has been good so I'm fairly sure it's not because he's badly behaved.

Why not be cheeky and send a txt to these none reciprocal play daters asking if your son could go to theirs to play because he's been asking about x none stop

Hakyult - you're either a very generous person, or someone who doesn't reciprocate, hopefully the former!

If I couldn't accommodate children at my house for play dates for whatever reason, then I'd take my DC and their friends to the beach or the park for a few hours.

I wouldn't want my DD to miss out, but don't think it's fair for people to take take take all the time.

How much room do you need for one extra child, for goodness sake!

"Hakyult - you're either a very generous person, or someone who doesn't reciprocate, hopefully the former!"

Not generous at all. I just want my children to have their friends round if they want to. Why do I care what their mother is doing while that's happening?

It's not childcare. If somebody kept asking me for childcare and didn't reciprocate in some way, I’d be pissed off.

It is actually free childcare, if the very regular favour is not returned fairly.
I would feel terribly guilty if my child constantly went somewhere to play and I didn't return the favour.
At the very least, why do none of the other Mum or Dads offer to send something nice to contribute to their tea/dinner/supper

With our older teenage "guests", I now sometimes insist on them clubbing together to buy me an occasional bottle of wine. I think that's fair, considering I feed them on a regular basis, and actually, as our "pop-up" pool is in the garden at the mo, also provide them with towels and pick up their wet swim-shorts and wash everything.

I'm surprised that their parents have not taught them these basic, fundamental good manners.

If I had enough activities arranged to keep my DS occupied that he's not going to get bored then fair enough, but if he's bored then I'd be happy to invite one of his friends over for the afternoon - I would be happy to provide a snack but not a meal, give the parents a specific time to pick and explain that any later is inconvenient, and about 20 mins before pick up time get the kids to tidy up.

As I said- I just don't know how some people live the lives they do. Kids like hanging around with their friends. You would genuinely go to all the effort and expense of organising activities for your children rather than just let them have a mate over because the mate's mum didn't reciprocate the last "play date"?

I am really bad at reciprocating DP and I both work and the weekend is the only time we have free and I dread the thought of refereeing a playdate. DS has been to someone's house twice now and I know we will have to have him back. We did have one recently and it went really well as we had managed to get the Wii set up! And we've organised one room as a playroom to give a better space for them to play in.

My mum also hated us having friends round but I think that was because she was very insecure and though their parents would judge our house (which was lovely!) My sis has four kids and works p/t so another few kids round after school is no big deal for her.

Not just "the last playdate" - but maybe the last 20-or-so. It is free childcare for those parents.

I know - I've done it (seething and with gritted teeth at times)
You do it because it helps to provide entertainment and social activity for your child. BUT - other parents could contribute SOMETHING (couldn't they)???

For instance, I've taken children to Theme Parks or Petting Farms for the day. Some parents will offer to pay for their children's admission fee and send some drinks/snacks along, or maybe pay for lunch, or something. The parent who doesn't at least OFFER is a leech

Stop counting. Is your child happier and having a nicer time because her friend comes over to play? Yes? Good. Stop there.

Different if you take another child somewhere expensive. Then I think you should make it clear that you're not paying "Would x like to come to the zoo with us? It's £5.00 to get in and could he bring a packed lunch? I'll stand them ice cream"

YANBU to be annoyed at lack of return invites - sounds like you have bad luck with the other parents BUT YABU to deprive your son of playmates, and are probably cutting your nose off to spite your face, so glad to see you will probably still host.

Here the kids just call for each other mostly, but tge DC also have friends from other villages over a couple of times a week, which is nore of a "playsate" As I have 3 kids and they all have separate friends I prefer other kids come here (one of mine is funny about being dropped off anyway) as its logistically easier, and even if one or two of mine is at a friend's, there is always still another at home, usually with a different friend. I find it easier to have the house full of kids than just my 3 as they entertain themselves better with friends - I never entertain them, what would be the point in that, kids are resourceful if you leave them to it :o

Evens have you considered the parents who don't offer can't AFFORD TO?? If you want to take their DC out when a playdate would suffice, that's your choice.

I have an only child so for me having her friends over in the holidays is very much for DD's benefit. DD is 12y now so is doing more and more of the organising herself anyway, but she does still have friends over. She has 4 girls over today and for a sleepover for example - eek!

Whilst most do reciprocate, I do tend to host more often - but it is easier for me. I only have the one, and DD is far happier and more occupied with a friend round.

And if people have more than one child they often don't have the same need to have friends over tbh.

Right from the start I made the decision that "play dates" were something we would do plenty of as it benefits me and DD to do so. I don't really care if people reciprocate or not if I am honest.

Forgot to add, after the first once or twice most people drop and run, as do I - unless it is a good friend of mine anyway. But then I wouldn't call it a "play date" really - its a social get together for us all.

Hadn't quite worked like that, MrsWinni - I had already arranged a day out, neighbour asked that very morning if I could take his children to help him out, because I'd helped him on many previous occasions (single working Dad) told him what I was doing and ended up paying for them too.

So yes, thank you, I had considered, but have also been taken advantage of. I did a huge (expensive) favour that day.

But thanks for all the shouting and extra question marks, indicating that I might be a bit dim. Appreciate that, nice of you

YANBU, not reciprocating ever is rude and hosting always involves cost, even if it's just time and tidying up. I haven't really experienced this yet with DD as we mostly have friends over who were friends before we had DC, but I noticed with NCT that some people just don't host (nor suggest an activity - fair enough if their flat is too small to invite people round), so after a while I stopped inviting them. I mean, who wants to be cast as 'organiser' all the time? I do think it is lovely when one house is a centre for hanging out - I experienced that as a child myself - but the other DCs' parents can at least check it's okay/send biscuits/be grateful!

You could try arranging a picnic/play over a lunchtime at a park equidistant between some of you, with parent present, all bringing their own food.
That might allow you to separate out those who perhaps have issues around other children in their houses or reasons why they can't entertain other children at home (because they will say yes) and others who just aren't willing to invest in their dcs' social lives.

My dc are older now but over the years I have come across people who don't invite back due to: elderly parent with dementia, partner is a smoker, house too small, embarrassed because of their furniture, no money to provide a 'naive' tea. Not all of these personal experience, I have worked in family support too.
I have also come across people who don't invite back because as soon as their children are indoors they are sat in front of the telly or computer and expected to entertain themselves and not bother the grown ups and of course the grown ups will be bothered by additional children around. So it suits them to only ever accept play dates elsewhere.

Drop and run is always my preference unless I am friends with the other parent on my own account - would have to tidy up resent losing endless afternoons to small talk with other parents, but just extra kids is rarely any trouble, and the kids just go upstairs or outside and play, no hassle, I can do whatever I would do if it were just my kids about.

What the devil is a 'naive' tea. A table full of Innocent smoothies?
I meant 'naice' of course.
It matters to some people, although I am of the 'here's a pizza' persuasion.

Careful with that old "Drop 'n' Run" business though, Tumble My own DS went for a playdate with his little cousin years ago. SiL just left them to their own devices, they were playing in a bedroom, pulled out a drawer, stood on it and the whole unit tipped over, with the television perched atop, landing on my son's head!

I knew nothing about it until I went to pick him up, SiL laughingly told me the tale, telling me how much he had cried! What the Actual Freakin' Friggy Whatsits? It was bloody lucky he didn't have a broken neck!!

(As it was not the first mishap at her house, neither of my children were ever, ever, ever, allowed to go there again).
Just because SHE couldn't be bothered to care for the littlies entrusted to her. She was using other children as a babysitting service.

YANBU but are the invites literally never reciprocated?

I'm not sure whether I'm in debit or credit - I'm pretty sure it evens out generally, but I really couldn't be exact.

Evans my house is safe for my own 3 kids, so its safe for their peers (as far as anything is)and the same goes for friends houses, they play with their friends, nobody is babysitting anybody - kids here are in and out of each others houses anyway, nobody insists children over 5 or so stay in the same room as an adult to play - I'm not talking about toddlers.