To not have any play dates this holiday?

[missmash]

I have always had playdays for my DS(6) friends in the holidays, ranging from one friend to "parties" with up to 6 friends but after a distinct lack of return invites I decided no more!!
But now I'm beginning to wobble, DS is asking if x and y can come over but I just have such a lack of enthusiasm for it, some of the children have one parent who works full time so I understand that it is difficult but really AIBU to expect an invitation in return, I think it's good manners but maybe it's ok not to reciprocate and just expect your child to play at other peoples houses.
I'm really trying not to get annoyed but it's hard! Whenever DS has gone to other peoples houses the parents always say he has been good so I'm fairly sure it's not because he's badly behaved.

[Hulababy]

Happy - when you have an only child, ime meeting up with school friends in the holidays are important - well, important to the child anyway and also often important for the parent to get some time out of playing for a short while. I love spending time with dd, always have. But it's so much easier when she has a friend round.

[missmash]

Haha Storm what a brilliant bit of entitlement!! Just wow!!!

[Stormbrewing]

This used to drive me mad when my children were young. One do my daughters had a best friend who came to our house several times a week. We always had to drop her home in the evening and I went along with it for some months, thinking that the mum didn't have a way to collect her. I eventually twigged and asked the mother whether she used taxis/buses? She replied 'oh no, I have a car but I don't ever drive in the evening or weekends or I'll lose my parking space in the road outside my house!'

[Jinty64]

I very rarely have children to the house to play. I really don't enjoy can't stand it at all and ds3 and the other child often dont want to play with the same things end up squabbling. If he is invited to someone's house I usually reciprocate by taking the other child to soft play and buy lunch at the weekends.

[shebird]

I think it is difficult unless you know the circumstances of the family concerned. I always try and reciprocate but with work and after school activities there just aren't enough hours in the week sometimes. Before I know it months have slipped by and my DD is no longer that friendly with the child and not to keen to have her round . Having said this I would no way accept so many play dates as the OP has said without a return invite.

[missmash]

The drop and run thing was more because the mother in question always drops and runs which is how i like it but on the rare occasions DS has been invited back she always invites me in, lovely, but then proceeds to let me oversee our combined (5) children while she "gets some jobs done"!!
DS has been to all of his friends who have been to mine but in most cases it's once while their children have been 15-20 times and 2 of them I regulary pick up/take to school as well.
I just wanted to see if others experienced this and how to copeI'm not going to stop it for DS sake and actually all his friends seem to love coming here, at least they seen greatful!

[Happy36]

You are not being unreasonable.

Firstly, playdates should be reciprocated.

Secondly, the school holidays are a nice chance for family time and perhaps to make some friends with children on holiday in the pool or the playground etc. There's no need to have the hassle of arranging to see schoolfriends too. Arrange a nice family picnic or bikeride or something and your son will forget about asking for playdates.

[MsVenus]

I just sent a text saying if you want to meet up in x park/place please let us know. This way my ds gets to play with friends in a neutral place & hosting doesnt fall on one set of parents.

[tobysmum77]

yanbu to think it's rude not to reciprocate but yabu to deny play dates for it. I would never dream of having more than one child at a time over though

And I thought it was accepted practice that the parent drops and collects?

[burgatroyd]

Yanbu. One mother told me she couldn't bear the thought of hosting but regularly has her child around mine.
Later found out she did host play date but didn't invite my dd.
I still invite her dd over though. Am glad you raised this thread, op.

[Fourarmsv2]

DS1 is pretty much at the 'call for each other' stage. He has one friend who lives further away so things have to be organised. We're probably in play date debt to that mum. I acknowledge this frequently and buy flowers when I've asked for childcare.

DS2 doesn't get invited half as often as we invite his friends. However, all his friends are eldest children and I think that makes a difference. I don't mind, but DS2 does notice.

I'd rather be in 'credit' because as a WOHM those mums are the ones I ask for favours when my childcare arrangements break down.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Evans my house is safe for my own 3 kids, so its safe for their peers (as far as anything is)and the same goes for friends houses, they play with their friends, nobody is babysitting anybody - kids here are in and out of each others houses anyway, nobody insists children over 5 or so stay in the same room as an adult to play - I'm not talking about toddlers.

[Staryyeyedsurprise]

YANBU but are the invites literally never reciprocated?

I'm not sure whether I'm in debit or credit - I'm pretty sure it evens out generally, but I really couldn't be exact.

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Careful with that old "Drop 'n' Run" business though, Tumble My own DS went for a playdate with his little cousin years ago. SiL just left them to their own devices, they were playing in a bedroom, pulled out a drawer, stood on it and the whole unit tipped over, with the television perched atop, landing on my son's head!

I knew nothing about it until I went to pick him up, SiL laughingly told me the tale, telling me how much he had cried! What the Actual Freakin' Friggy Whatsits? It was bloody lucky he didn't have a broken neck!!

(As it was not the first mishap at her house, neither of my children were ever, ever, ever, allowed to go there again).
Just because SHE couldn't be bothered to care for the littlies entrusted to her. She was using other children as a babysitting service.

[springlamb]

What the devil is a 'naive' tea. A table full of Innocent smoothies?
I meant 'naice' of course.
It matters to some people, although I am of the 'here's a pizza' persuasion.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

Drop and run is always my preference unless I am friends with the other parent on my own account - would have to tidy up resent losing endless afternoons to small talk with other parents, but just extra kids is rarely any trouble, and the kids just go upstairs or outside and play, no hassle, I can do whatever I would do if it were just my kids about.

[springlamb]

You could try arranging a picnic/play over a lunchtime at a park equidistant between some of you, with parent present, all bringing their own food.
That might allow you to separate out those who perhaps have issues around other children in their houses or reasons why they can't entertain other children at home (because they will say yes) and others who just aren't willing to invest in their dcs' social lives.

My dc are older now but over the years I have come across people who don't invite back due to: elderly parent with dementia, partner is a smoker, house too small, embarrassed because of their furniture, no money to provide a 'naive' tea. Not all of these personal experience, I have worked in family support too.
I have also come across people who don't invite back because as soon as their children are indoors they are sat in front of the telly or computer and expected to entertain themselves and not bother the grown ups and of course the grown ups will be bothered by additional children around. So it suits them to only ever accept play dates elsewhere.

[Phineyj]

YANBU, not reciprocating ever is rude and hosting always involves cost, even if it's just time and tidying up. I haven't really experienced this yet with DD as we mostly have friends over who were friends before we had DC, but I noticed with NCT that some people just don't host (nor suggest an activity - fair enough if their flat is too small to invite people round), so after a while I stopped inviting them. I mean, who wants to be cast as 'organiser' all the time? I do think it is lovely when one house is a centre for hanging out - I experienced that as a child myself - but the other DCs' parents can at least check it's okay/send biscuits/be grateful!

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

Hadn't quite worked like that, MrsWinni - I had already arranged a day out, neighbour asked that very morning if I could take his children to help him out, because I'd helped him on many previous occasions (single working Dad) told him what I was doing and ended up paying for them too.

So yes, thank you, I had considered, but have also been taken advantage of. I did a huge (expensive) favour that day.

But thanks for all the shouting and extra question marks, indicating that I might be a bit dim. Appreciate that, nice of you

[Hulababy]

Forgot to add, after the first once or twice most people drop and run, as do I - unless it is a good friend of mine anyway. But then I wouldn't call it a "play date" really - its a social get together for us all.

[Hulababy]

I have an only child so for me having her friends over in the holidays is very much for DD's benefit. DD is 12y now so is doing more and more of the organising herself anyway, but she does still have friends over. She has 4 girls over today and for a sleepover for example - eek!

Whilst most do reciprocate, I do tend to host more often - but it is easier for me. I only have the one, and DD is far happier and more occupied with a friend round.

And if people have more than one child they often don't have the same need to have friends over tbh.

Right from the start I made the decision that "play dates" were something we would do plenty of as it benefits me and DD to do so. I don't really care if people reciprocate or not if I am honest.

[MrsWinnibago]

Evens have you considered the parents who don't offer can't AFFORD TO?? If you want to take their DC out when a playdate would suffice, that's your choice.

[MrTumblesBavarianFanbase]

YANBU to be annoyed at lack of return invites - sounds like you have bad luck with the other parents BUT YABU to deprive your son of playmates, and are probably cutting your nose off to spite your face, so glad to see you will probably still host.

Here the kids just call for each other mostly, but tge DC also have friends from other villages over a couple of times a week, which is nore of a "playsate" As I have 3 kids and they all have separate friends I prefer other kids come here (one of mine is funny about being dropped off anyway) as its logistically easier, and even if one or two of mine is at a friend's, there is always still another at home, usually with a different friend. I find it easier to have the house full of kids than just my 3 as they entertain themselves better with friends - I never entertain them, what would be the point in that, kids are resourceful if you leave them to it :o

[Hakluyt]

Stop counting. Is your child happier and having a nicer time because her friend comes over to play? Yes? Good. Stop there.

Different if you take another child somewhere expensive. Then I think you should make it clear that you're not paying "Would x like to come to the zoo with us? It's £5.00 to get in and could he bring a packed lunch? I'll stand them ice cream"

[EvansOvalPiesYumYum]

For instance, I've taken children to Theme Parks or Petting Farms for the day. Some parents will offer to pay for their children's admission fee and send some drinks/snacks along, or maybe pay for lunch, or something. The parent who doesn't at least OFFER is a leech