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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be hacked off over ppl touching my child

114 replies

choochootrain1 · 27/07/2014 23:48

I would NEVER touch a tot or baby without permission from the parent and knowing I had recently washed my hands...but it seems like the whole of London wants to touch my toddler (shake his hand/hi5 /even kiss his cheek!)

These are not ppl I know - these are random strangers! I'm on the verge of creating a badge asking ppl not to - but a friend thinks that would draw even more attention and ppl would assume it's a joke and do it more?

Thoughts? Advice?

OP posts:
KoalaDownUnder · 28/07/2014 04:28

(Okay, to be fair, the mother did give permission in that case, though.)

Thumbwitch · 28/07/2014 04:40

If your toddler has immunity issues that mean he is at high risk of infection from other people then yes you should keep a rain cover or muslin over him to prevent people from touching him. A sign would create more problems than otherwise, I feel.

I do understand your feelings - especially as there is a significant proportion of the population who seem to feel that it's fine to be out and about in all sorts of states of health, including having chicken pox - and was similar while my DSs were under 1. But by the time they're toddlers, no. By then they'd both been at playgroups for some time and would have been exposed to all sorts of infectious agents over and over again.
Children with normal immune systems do need to be regularly exposed to a wide range of infectious agents to build up their immunity once they have sufficient ability to do that - but again, if your toddler has immunity issues the you have to be more careful so take measures yourself to protect your child.

ilovesooty · 28/07/2014 06:36

I can see toddlers becoming like dogs soon. People are going to become wary of approaching them at all.

Delphiniumsblue · 28/07/2014 06:44

People are so strange! You would think that you were pleased that people were friendly- it is much better for your child than living in a hygienic bubble! If he doesn't like it he will let them know.
Generally the baby/child is quite happy - it is the parent who has the problem.
No wonder the UK is put down as not being child friendly, people are scared to interact. In Mediterranean countries people wouldn't think twice about speaking and touching.
It all seems very possessive- 'don't touch my child unless you have washed your hands- and then I would rather you didn't'!! Hardly good for the child.

Delphiniumsblue · 28/07/2014 06:45

Hopefully uptight mothers relax a bit if they have another child and they get it easier than the first.

Delphiniumsblue · 28/07/2014 06:47

As long as OP isn't still objecting when they are teenagers on a canal boat I suppose it could be worse! (Present other thread)

Spickle · 28/07/2014 06:53

It's the royal baby, George! YANBU

toomuchtooold · 28/07/2014 06:59

I think if it was an under 1 and there was norovirus going about I'd agree it's worth to try and stop it. (It happened to us - DTs had it about 36 hours after one of them was licked - LICKED - by a toddler in Waitrose. (Waitrose! You expect that sort of thing in Asda, but not in there (I'm being ironic, I used to work in Asda)))

But in the normal run of things, and with a toddler, I think you're fighting a losing battle. He needs to get some coughs and colds before he starts nursery/school anyway or else he'll just miss the first 3 months (also happened to me - only child, didn't go out much, went to school and was ill for the whole first term). And it's a normal part of life. Although I will say, I draw the line at forcing them to reciprocate. Mine are just finishing that clingy phase where they freeze in front of friendly strangers and I always tried not to make them be friendly. One of mine when she started talking, would say "no! MY [DT1's name]" which I thought was brilliant. Yes, you do belong to you, and you get to say who can touch you and who not.

ikeaismylocal · 28/07/2014 07:04

Yabu. Toddlers are the most germ ridden of age groups, the person touching is much more likely to catch something from your child than the other way around.

Olaffles · 28/07/2014 08:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

GreenGrassStains · 28/07/2014 09:29

Your DS is clearly too friendly, my DD has perfected a quizzical glare which she freezes to preform at innocent members of the public.
If spoken to this turns into a grumpy pout and glare.

Except for old ladies, they're usually shown her toys in silence before she trots on, so don't worry if old ladies touch him they appear safe Grin

mumtoateen · 28/07/2014 09:36

YANBU. That's weird. Yes I'll gets hit for this, bit strangers touching your child is extremely fecking weird

McFlickle · 28/07/2014 09:59

Toomuch we were waiting for friends at busy tourist spot in London with baby in pram. Had muslin draped over as she was sleeping, a toddler/young child came over and lifted the muslin to have a look and I thought aw that's sweet.
So he lifted the muslin put his head in and then sneezed!

Brilliant, thanks for that!

Original poster
choochootrain1 · 28/07/2014 10:01

Again said this earlier but not sure if it's being ignored by some of the replies - we're not unfriendly, I encourage games/smiles/chats "peek a boo" etc my objection is ONLY to ppl actually putting their HANDS or FACE on him (without my permission) it's entirely different if they've acknowledged me first and iv said it's ok... I'm talking about short rides on buses/trains, ppl who I have spent less than 2 minutes in the company of (not sat next to and built up a rapport on a long journey/restaurant/neighbours etc)

OP posts:
Primadonnagirl · 28/07/2014 10:07

Get over yourself.You child is precious to you but to the rest of the world he's just another baby. How mean spirited of you not to want us peasants to touch him!Obviously you need to lock him away in a room until he's built up a resistance to all the terrifying germs we are riddled with. Sorry but your post has made me really cross!

Original poster
choochootrain1 · 28/07/2014 10:16

Isn't that just the point - to me he IS precious (health issues and all) to everyone else "just another baby"... So why the need to allow groping?
I don't get why as adults someone starts getting in your face and touching you, most people would move away and be freaked out - but babies are (from this thread) meant to be groped by strangers

OP posts:
Gruntfuttock · 28/07/2014 10:19

Well, I've said on a couple of threads recently (including the narrowboat one) how much I love babies and toddlers. But there's no way I would ever dream of touching a baby/toddler I didn't know. I've had plenty of glares for just smiling at them, so I dread to think what would happen if I actually spoke to or touched one! But even if I'd only had nice reactions to smiling at a baby, I still wouldn't do any more than that You just don't touch anyone you don't know, surely, regardless of age.

Original poster
choochootrain1 · 28/07/2014 10:21

Gruntfuttock thank you! You've finally summed up what iv been trying to convey - I love ppl admiring/chatting etc just think it's creepy even when without even glancing at me they are hands on straightaway

OP posts:
Teddybeau1988 · 28/07/2014 10:26

I have two school age children, they bring home all sorts of diseases. So far this year it's been scarlett fever and there are hand foot and mouth warnings being currently sent out in addition to the usual colds and viruses. In happy that baby DS is getting his fair share of exposure. I still don't want any randoms touching him.

Gruntfuttock · 28/07/2014 10:32

Thanks choochootrain1. I'm very surprised at some of the replies you've had. I thought everyone would say that YANBU. Regarding some different cultures, I would be far more accepting then, as it is the norm there and quite sweet.

achtunglady · 28/07/2014 10:32

I had no idea that this was even a thing!

Surely it is entirely natural to interact with other people, take an interest in them etc? Don't really understand why children would be exempt from that!

Original poster
choochootrain1 · 28/07/2014 10:34

Teddybeau Exactly! I feel like germs aside -it's just wierd to NEED to grope small children. Surely a smile/wave/chat could have done enough for someone if they want to interact and have only seen us for 2 mins of their lives and prob will never see us again!

OP posts:
Original poster
choochootrain1 · 28/07/2014 10:36

Achtunglady it's not about interacting - that I encourage and enjoy. It's ONLY the hands on I'm objecting to.

OP posts:
Numanoid · 28/07/2014 10:37

I can't stop laughing at the badge suggestion... well, people certainly would keep their distance but not for the reason you think.

Bowlersarm · 28/07/2014 10:45

How are people to know that you are happy with peekaboo and chatting, but not shaking hands and ruffling hair, or whatever?

It seems people are dammed if they do damned if they don't.

According to mn, there are miserable gits not waving at a toddler on a bus, people are rampant peodos for daring to chat to teenagers and taking a seconds interest in them, and now people are disease spreaders wanting to engage with a toddler.

Yes, OP, get a badge made up.

You May Speak To My Child. BUT UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES MUST YOU TOUCH HIM

That'll learn all those friendly folk.