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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to see these photos of sick person on FB?

58 replies

DontWantToSee · 27/07/2014 13:33

Someone I know is in hospital and has recently has surgery. He had a visitor who took some photos when they had not long come around from anaesthetic (still on oxygen, tubes everywhere, looked asleep in one and just awake in the other) and they are now on FB. This person isn't on FB so wouldn't see them but the person who has posted said sick person said it was ok. Given how the sick person was very out of it and I would hazard an accurate guess they weren't sure what they were saying yes to (I saw him much later and he was still a bit confused), I think it is inappropriate. I certainly wouldn't want photos like this of me on the net. The person who posted is not always 100% honest either.

My 3 DCs saw them and were a little upset and asked if he was ok (luckily he is but its not the point).

AIBU to think this is not on?

OP posts:
DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:36

Why are your dcs on FB? Are they over 13?

Tbh we cant know if the person consented and knew what they were consenting to.

If you dont want to see them that's your prerogative so jut hide them.

Original poster
DontWantToSee · 27/07/2014 13:42

Why are you asking a something that wasn't in the OP? They were looking over my shoulder. No they are not 13 and they do not have FB thanks. Hmm

And yes I have hidden them but that isn't the point at all.

OP posts:
ICanSeeTheSun · 27/07/2014 13:45

I wouldn't like pictures of me when i have just came out of surgery.

However I think it is wise that you look on FB with your phone so your DC don't see the images or not go on FB while the DC are awake.

OxfordBags · 27/07/2014 13:45

Whilst I agree that the poster might be on dodgy ground permission-wise, it is not up to people on FB to police their photos just in case someone's children might see them, when children are not allowed on the site. And just because you might not like pics of yourself up like that (I wouldn't, either), if the ill person has given genuine consent, then you can't complain.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:48

I'm asking because you mentioned your dcs were upset as if to back up your point that these photos shouldnt be on FB. My response to that is that children under 13 shouldnt have access to the photos so that point is irrelevant and hds no weight in your argument.

And yes I have hidden them but that isn't the point at all.

It's entirely the point. The person has given consent for their photo to be posted on someone else's FB therefore it's fine for them to be there. You have a choice either to look at them or not. If you dont like seeing them, dont look.

If you think the person didnt know what they were consenting to then that's a separate issue to whether you want to look at the photos or not and you should take it up with the person themselves.

SockQueen · 27/07/2014 13:49

I have had patients ask me to take photos of them under anaesthetic so they can post them on their facebook (I say no). A colleague of mine was filmed by a parent while she was anaesthetising their child. People like to share all sorts of weird stuff on social media.

Personally I think it's a bit weird and gruesome to post stuff like that (though I am not bothered by drips, oxygen tubing etc), but if the patient had given consent to their friend I guess you can't stop them.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:50

holds no weight.

flyingtrue · 27/07/2014 13:51

Shame your DC were upset but that's irrelevant, the man could well have consented or asked for the picture to be put up. I see a fair few pics of people after surgery and they've agreed to let someone do it. SO YWBU to think it's not on because of your DC.

However YADNBU to think it's not on to post something like that if the person doesn't or hasn't agreed to it. But you don't know either way, they could have said in advance to take a picture and update people- like my sisters ex did after his appendix op, he looked really out of it then but he wanted to her to snap and post so she did. Just because you don't like those pics - i don't either myself- but some people do, some people constantly update facebook with ll kinds of stuff like that.

Your best bet is to check with this person once they are more lucid and if the other person's been a dick and posted without his/her say so then ask fb to remove and tell that person they are out of order.

SO YANBU to say it's not on if the person didn't agree
YABU if they did agree

You don't know either way yet.

AgentZigzag · 27/07/2014 13:51

If the person who's ill is a close relation of the OP DiaDuit, then why should she just hide them and let the person posting get on with it?

The sick person sounds as though they were in a vulnerable position and the OP's concerned.

Why do you think the person posted the pictures DontWant? To get attention or sympathy for themselves or to put the minds of the people who are reading at rest?

SauvignonBlanche · 27/07/2014 13:54

I put a photo of myself just post-op on FB to reassure people that I was alive and OK.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:54

If the person who's ill is a close relation of the OP DiaDuit, then why should she just hide them and let the person posting get on with it?

Because as far as she knows the person has consented. If she doubts that then she should seek clarification and as she doesnt want to see the photos i would think hiding them is the logical option whether consent was given or not.

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 13:55

What AgentZigzag said.

I'd just written a post, but you said what I wanted to much better than me.

OP yanbu, I have no idea why you are getting a hard time, some people can't resist a good pick at an op, even when there's no good reason to at all. Hmm

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:56

OP is getting a hard time? really? Hmm

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:57

Ok OP if consent has been given and you knew that for sure would you be happy to see the photos and for your dcs to see them?

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 13:58

Yes really. :)

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 13:59

Where?

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 14:01

I work as a HCP and I wouldn't be allowing photographs to be taken of any of my post operative patients unless I was certain they were fully recovered from the effects of the anaesthetic and able to consent.
GA can really affect decision making abilities etc. for a while post op, hence why you are not allowed to make important legal decisions, sign contracts for a short period after having one.

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 14:02

Not engaging Dia, can't be arsed.
Btw, have you seen the thread in Site Stuff about the tone of AIBU?

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:03

Thats a shame. Not sure why you bothered to make the comment if you cant be arsed to explain it but your choice. OP isnt getting a hard time here.

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 14:06

Touched a nerve have I? I don't remember addressing anybody directly.

OP, I don't think yabu at all.

happytalk13 · 27/07/2014 14:08

OP are you saying that the consent was given by the patient while they were still under the effects of the anaesthetic and you know this to be accurate or are you assuming that the patient gave consent while under the effects of the anaesthetic?

Seriouslyffs · 27/07/2014 14:10

Yes she is getting a hard time. She posted about a vulnerable person having his photo posted on facebook an she's getting lots of cavilling about how old her dcs are and facebook access.
Diaduit you asked a snide and irrelevant question ,completely missing the point of the OP, and are still here snipping away.
Can someone woozy from anaesthetic give informed consent to having their photo posted? No.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:10

What? Confused touche what nerve? Have you confused me with another poster you have an issue with? You addressed me directly when you used my name in a post btw.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:12

Diaduit you asked a snide and irrelevant question ,completely missing the point of the OP,

It wasnt missing the point because op was using her DC's upset as a reason for the photos being inappropriate. Her dcs shouldnt have had access to them so its not relevant to her argument that they were upset.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:13

OP is assuming the person was still under the affects of anasthetic. She doesnt know.