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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not want to see these photos of sick person on FB?

58 replies

DontWantToSee · 27/07/2014 13:33

Someone I know is in hospital and has recently has surgery. He had a visitor who took some photos when they had not long come around from anaesthetic (still on oxygen, tubes everywhere, looked asleep in one and just awake in the other) and they are now on FB. This person isn't on FB so wouldn't see them but the person who has posted said sick person said it was ok. Given how the sick person was very out of it and I would hazard an accurate guess they weren't sure what they were saying yes to (I saw him much later and he was still a bit confused), I think it is inappropriate. I certainly wouldn't want photos like this of me on the net. The person who posted is not always 100% honest either.

My 3 DCs saw them and were a little upset and asked if he was ok (luckily he is but its not the point).

AIBU to think this is not on?

OP posts:
AgentZigzag · 27/07/2014 14:15

Asking about whether the OP's children were old enough to be on fb as an opener is a bit confrontational DiaDuit, it looks like you were trying to find fault with the OP for no reason.

Even if the children were 14 and 15 they could still be upset at seeing their granddad (or whoever) so ill.

Staywithme · 27/07/2014 14:15

I'm shocked they were allowed to take the photos in the first place! Photos are not allowed to be taken of patients without permission of the ward and nok where I worked. It's very much frowned upon because the patient is considered vulnerable. I think it's a complete invasion of privacy as the patient is not properly conscious and, to be honest, a bit weird.

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 14:15

I was answering your question of "where?" Dua, I didn't address you directly at all until you asked where op was getting a hard time.

Flowerfae · 27/07/2014 14:16

I'd be pissed off it someone took a picture of me like that and stuck it on facebook. I can't believe someone has actually managed to take a photo of a post-operative patient as they are not fully awake to give their consent.

If I saw it on facebook i'd just hide it though, maybe they were posted after the person had come around and gave consent.... still a bit weird though.

MarkWrightsLonelyBraincell · 27/07/2014 14:18

My mistake, before I'm picked up on it, my first response was to your "really?".

Sorry op

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 27/07/2014 14:19

If people are such terribly delicate flowers that they get offended by other people's photos, whatever they are, they should stay right off bloody FaceBook and do something more constructive with their time.

Sirzy · 27/07/2014 14:19

The op says that the person consented. If you are really worried they don't know what they consent too why not ask them now to check they know it's there?

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:20

looks like you were trying to find fault with the OP for no reason.

Well i wasnt. I was asking why children were able to see the photos. If they had been over 13 and upset then they could also choose to hide the photos.

That aside, people being upset by seeing them and whether they were consented or not are two separate issues. If seeing the images is the issue then OP should hide them. If she is worried about the person being photographed ad publicised without consent then she needs to speak to them herself.

happytalk13 · 27/07/2014 14:21

Where has the OP said she assuming? And you are being pretty confrontational, Dia - whether the OP's children look at her FB page or not is up to the OP, not you, and it completely derails the actual point. FB policy for HAVING a FB account is 13+ - as far as I am aware it does not have a policy on who allows whom to LOOK at their FB feed.

You are being pedantic and you're having a pop just because you can.

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:23

Fwiw i would hit the roof if someone took a photo of me in a post op condition and put it on FB. I would never consent. However, if i had consented and my FB 'friends' complained because the photo upset them or their children who shouldnt have had access to the photos then i'd say what i've said here- 'hide the photos'

DiaDuit · 27/07/2014 14:25

whether the OP's children look at her FB page or not is up to the OP, not you, and it completely derails the actual point. FB policy for HAVING a FB account is 13+ - as far as I am aware it does not have a policy on who allows whom to LOOK at their FB feed.

You're right, and if OP chooses to let her DCs look at her FB then it's her responsibility to check what they will be looking at and not complain when they are upset by something they werent the intended audience for.

BlinkAndMiss · 27/07/2014 14:28

OP I agree entirely with you. I have friends who post pictures of their poorly children all the time, sometimes from hospital beds and once in the back of an ambulance. The worst one was of an allergic reaction. These children don't have ongoing illnesses, these are just instances where they've required medical treatment.

Unless someone has an ongoing/long term/terminal illness then I don't understand why it needs to be all over Facebook.

GoshAnneGorilla · 27/07/2014 14:30

The patient was still on oxygen and looked asleep in one picture - so yes, quite possibly not long after surgery..

Op Yanbu and yes, people are being needlessly petty over your children + fb

I can understand a thumbs-up type picture if you've had a serious Op, as a way of reassuring people, but what on earth are people wanting pictures of themselves being anaesthetised/ coming round for?

Sirzy · 27/07/2014 14:32

A quick photo on Facebook can be a great way to reassure people that someone is on the mend. When DS was in hdu I was actively encouraged to take photos which at the time seemed really bizzare but I am pleased now I didn't. I chose not to put them on FB as they would have been too distressing IMO and I haven't shared them with anyone other than very close family and friends - but I wouldn't judge anyone who did put them on.

I did put a photo of him on at about day 7 of his admission, first day out of hdu, still on oxygen but the first photo of him smiling - was a case of a picture can paint a 1000 words so posting it on FB was a good way of showing those who had been sending messages he really was on the mend.

crashbandicoot · 27/07/2014 14:32

I didn't feel that OP is mostly concerned about effects on dc (that was a secondary point) and was probably mentioning it to illustrate that the weren't pleasant photos.

I think that context is everything and if you don't trust the photo taker then your suspicions may sadly be correct and they photo taker was being insensitive (at best).

if the patient isn't on FB it would also seem odd that they were happy to be on it in this instance.

I don't think there is any anoymous 'report' button
on Fb so maybe you could contact the patient's next of kin to double check that the know the photo is up and that they are ok with it?

if you don't want to do that then there is not much else you can do. the patient will just have to reevaluate their friendship with photo taker if your suspicions turn out to be correct.

So YANBU to be concerned.

FeministStar · 27/07/2014 14:33

As somebody who got emailed pictures of a close relative who was in HDU minutes after an operation, I would say YANBU.

scarletforya · 27/07/2014 14:34

Yanbu

You have to ask yourself what kind of person thinks 'oh I'll take a picture and post it on social media, yes that's a good idea' when visiting an ill friend in hospital.

That's the but that boggles my brain. Nothing seems sacred any more.

AgentZigzag · 27/07/2014 14:35

I think you've taken the DC seeing the photos as the main problem for the OP Dia, whereas it looks to me that they were just a side issue.

She even said they were only a 'little upset', so she hasn't ramped it up saying they were in full on hysterics or anything.

Bolshybookworm · 27/07/2014 14:50

YDNBU. If you've just come out of surgery you'll be groggy, nauseous and (if you're lucky) floating on the magic morphine cloud. You are really not in a position to consent to anything, even a photo. Unless the patient has suggested it, I think it's pretty rude for the person concerned to even ask tbh.

GoshAnneGorilla · 27/07/2014 14:50

Between this and the other thread about men sending unsolicited pictures of their genitals, I am really wondering what on earth is wrong with people.

When I worked in.theatres, parents were too busy trying not cry when their child was being anaesthetised.

It seems to be encouraging a facsimile of life, you're not really present, just always facebooking to display to others.

crashbandicoot · 27/07/2014 16:23

exactly gosh "a facsimile of life" - that is a great way of putting it.

wanttosinglikemarycoughlan · 27/07/2014 16:28

I agree OP but I hate all the kids in hospital/pictures of burned feet going around
This will end up like the grandfather putting pictures of dgc on fb though, it seems life is not lived now unless it is shared with the world
I feel uncomfortable if friends take photos on a night out and put them on fc, can't we just have a night out!
I must be a very private person as I do not feel the need to share everything

Mybigfatredwedding · 27/07/2014 16:55

diaduit I have to say when I saw your first post on this thread, the first thing that came to mind was the big Mumsnet thread about tone and nastiness on AIBU!

AgentZigzag · 27/07/2014 17:14

'pictures of burned feet going around'

I saw that one Envy really nasty. I also hate pictures of animals/humans after being tortured/abused, spiders and close ups of injuries, but they don't put me off going on fb (even though the spider ones are seared into my brain for ages after).

When it comes down to brass tacks people are always going to complain about something when it comes to interacting with other people, however that interaction is played out.

Original poster
DontWantToSee · 27/07/2014 19:48

So far I have only read the first page so I am going to address the things that are pissing me off right now.

The person in the pictures is my dad. I put my children didn't like it because they didn't however it bothered me far more. He had recently come around from a general, it was a matter of hours maybe only a couple. The poster of the pictures said he said it was OK but given how he isn't even on Facebook I'm not sure if he really took in what whas said. I don't know why he would've wanted them on there. I saw him today (before i knew the pics were on there) and he said the visitor was talking so much it was annoying him and he was so tired. Not the description of some one who was fully lucid and engaging.

I am now going to read the rest of the thread.

OP posts:
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