Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think they should have cleared up, even a bit?

56 replies

hackneylady · 27/07/2014 02:42

We had friends around for dinner tonight, and right at the end of the main course, my partner had an accident and sliced her hand (long story involving shaky chair and a radiator thermostat with no proper cap).

We decided to go to hospital for stitches so had to leave. It was obviously a shame for the evening to end but what's bothering me is that our friends knew we wouldn't get home till late (I'm just in, after 4 hours in A and E and I'm exhausted!) but went off without clearing up. I think one of them did say, 'oh do you want us to do something' and I think I was a bit English in return and said something like 'no worries', but if it were me, I just would have got stuck in.

They're very close friends and we're around each others houses all the time so everyone was completely at home.

I was just a bit flabbergasted to see everyone pick up their belongings and go as we tried to close windows, etc to get ourselves out to the door to hospital.

But maybe I'm BU?

OP posts:
FuckTheMagicDragon · 27/07/2014 02:51

Maybe they thought you needed them to leave so you could lock up? And if you says no worries, they took you at your word.

I think that if you had said 'oh if you could clear the table and just leave everything in the kitchen' they would have pitched in. Hope your partners hand is ok.

oohdaddypig · 27/07/2014 02:52

But surely they thought you wouldn't want them in the house alone when you weren't there? How would they have locked and secured the property?

Hope the hand is OK BTW...

D0oinMeCleanin · 27/07/2014 02:52

They probably just wanted to get out of your way and let you get off to the hospital.

I stabbed myself in the finger earlier peeling a mango. It bled profusely. Dd2 took it upon herself to message ex (her dad) "Mammy has been stabped. Their is blude all over. Come kwickly" 25 minutes later he came strolling round Hmm

Hands, feet etc bleed a lot for not very much normally, it's possible they thought that there wasn't much wrong and you'd be home soon.

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 02:54

Yes yabu.a deep laceration trumps housekeeping and strangled notion etiquette
Did you really think theyd get busy with j-cloth dettol.it was appropriate to leave
Really,your partner got hurt,needed a&e and your stressing about cleaning?

Its dreadful it happend, i hope shes okay.you too
Have a cuppa tea
Go to bed

And dont be so hung up on the etiquette who does what after laceration?
the hostess etiqutte to domestic laceration. It wont be in debretts

KeatsiePie · 27/07/2014 02:57

I would have been more insistent than they were about helping -- would have said something like "oh but let me at least get the food put away, can I just turn the knob on your door to lock it" and then would have cleared table, wiped counters, and stacked dishes. But I am Overly Helpful in general.

Original poster
hackneylady · 27/07/2014 03:07

Yes. That's what I would have done. So it's kind of what I meant. And in answer to the challenges about 'securing the property', it's not a castle. It just involves closing a door. And it's really, really not about etiquette.

OP posts:
oohdaddypig · 27/07/2014 03:14

Unless it was a very good friend, I would not feel comfortable being in someone's house I didn't know well.

It's not that big a deal to clean up next day...

It's hardly the disaster of the year!

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 03:17

Bizzare,if there were an accident requiring a&e as host,no id not expect guest stay to clean up

KeatsiePie · 27/07/2014 03:21

Yep. YANBU. But I do think that even very close, old friends will surprise you with behavior that seems rude and startling to you but clearly doesn't seem that way to them. And it feels weird b/c you know them so well.

Hope your partner's hand is all right.

ZenGardener · 27/07/2014 03:24

But they asked and you said no so they respected that. I think it would have been ruder if they had ignored your wishes.

Player67 · 27/07/2014 03:39

I wouldn't expect guests to stay and clean up and be responsible for securing the property

Hope your partners hand is ok

scottishmummy · 27/07/2014 03:39

They offered to help,you declined.what should they have done?insisted on staying to clean
I am sorry youve both had a ghastly night.your priority,shouldn't be guests didnt clean up
Friends saw an unfortunate accident,and id imagine didnt want to be in way.hence grab bag and go

KeatsiePie · 27/07/2014 03:43

Ah right. So probably just a difference in personalities, since they did ask and you said no. I would've tried to insist b/c I would have felt rude not insisting. But perhaps they would have felt rude or silly insisting, and/or wouldn't have wanted you to stay and clean up if they were the ones with an injury.

nowahousewife · 27/07/2014 03:59

Several years ago We had friends including their DC's for dinner. DS7 ish at the time caught his finger in a door and we had to rush hm to A&E. Ended up being quite serious requiring to plastics hospital, surgery etc. Lovely friends cleaned up kitchen and took DD back to theirs for the night. They even wiped up all the blood! Now that's what I call good friends!

That said we did just dash out the door and leave them to it as DS's finger was hanging off!

expatinscotland · 27/07/2014 04:01

Then who was supposed to lock the door?

however · 27/07/2014 06:09

I'd have cleared up for close friends.

Gardenhelp · 27/07/2014 06:20

Are you cross because you will have to do all the clearing up yourself, what with your dp being out of action? Wink

Hippychickster · 27/07/2014 06:36

I'm still laughing at D0oinmeCleaning's post!! That was hilarious!!!

BeanyIsPregnant · 27/07/2014 07:09

I'm really not sure on this one actually, I've got one friend who when I walk through the front door I will put the kettle on if she's too slow, so the same kind of relationship your talking about, and I think part of me would be thinking 'bugger, that needs seeing too, best thing I can do is get out of the way and let them deal with it' probably after offering a lift to the hospital/ childcare.. If the answer was 'yes, fab, stay here with kids' I would have, and then I'd have cracked on with the cleaning, but I don't think I'd have offered to stay just to clear up?
Hope the hands okay!!

Joysmum · 27/07/2014 07:51

I hate people like you who say one thing but mean another and the rest of us are somehow supposed to realise you were lying and then feel comfortable with going against your wishes!

What was wrong with saying 'Yes please' when asked if they could help?

Chunderella · 27/07/2014 08:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

backbystealth · 27/07/2014 08:20

They definitely thought you wanted them out quickly so you could lock up and push off.

They offered to help, you said no.

They were not in the wrong.

Glad all is ok with her hand.

backbystealth · 27/07/2014 08:22

Joysmum - bit strong saying you 'hate' people like the OP Wink but I do agree. My mum's a bit like this - like the 'fucking liberty' nan in Catherine Tate...all smiles and 'oh not it's fine' then lots of outraged moaning later.

indigo18 · 27/07/2014 08:26

Not too exhausted to come on here and whine about your friends doing what you asked them to do...

FunkyBoldRibena · 27/07/2014 08:36

One offered, and you said no and then 'I was just a bit flabbergasted to see everyone pick up their belongings and go as we tried to close windows, etc to get ourselves out to the door to hospital.

You were closing windows and going to hospital, they DID fucking offer and you said no. What did you want them to do, sit there eating your food whilst you panicked saying 'it's ok, none of this will go to waste. Have fun at the hospital'...presumably the act of you closing the windows to go showed you were locking up when you went?

Unreal.