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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to confront DP about this email?

69 replies

DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 15:32

One thing to make clear, I was not snooping on DP I had forgotten the password to one of our accounts That uses his email.

While I was waiting for the password reset to come through I noticed there was an email from our bank, letting DP know that the application for a loan was being processed. At first, I thought it was probably a scam email that had ended up in the inbox but the more I looked at it the more I wondered and I eventually gave up and read it.

Its a genuine email. We have a joint account and frankly I'm hurt that he's applied for a loan that we don't need without asking me or telling me, this doesn't just effect him as it contributes to my credit score as well.

Now I'm a but paranoid he's kept other things from me to, there was an email from Barclaycard as well, I didn't open, I'm wondering whether I should go back and find out what its about.

I really hate debt....:(

OP posts:
Staryyeyedsurprise · 26/07/2014 15:38

Well it doesn't seem good does it?

My husband swaps & changes his borrowing round all the time to get best rates so it could be fairly innocent. What's his track record with money like?

If you're worried about if there is more borrowing, get an experience credit check. I did this a few years back & was surprised to see things in my husband's name were included.

Staryyeyedsurprise · 26/07/2014 15:39

*experian

Earlybird · 26/07/2014 15:40

These words stood out to me:

" I'm hurt that he's applied for a loan that we don't need without asking me or telling me "

I have suspicions that there is more to this, and he actually does need the money for something.

It doesn't have to be something awful (maybe he wants to do something special for you as a lovely surprise), but he does have a secret that you've stumbled on.

How much was the loan for?

KnackeredMuchly · 26/07/2014 15:43
Shock

I would dive right in and see what Barclaycard say

angelohsodelight · 26/07/2014 15:43

I think you need to look at the other email and find out what he's up to.

Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 15:46

His track record isn't very good, when we first met he was just finishing paying off a large debt. I've had a general rule in my life that if I can't afford it then, I don't buy it which is what we adopted as a couple. We only have one credit card which is in my name, I swap this around for the 0% interest ones that we use for car insurance.

DP is not that savy with credit and things,which is why I'm worrying. I don't even know what we'd need a loan for, we have no big bills coming up and we're not behind on anything. I'm so confused, did he think I wasn't going to notice a large amount of money coming into our account?

OP posts:
Icelollycraving · 26/07/2014 15:48

I would DEFINATELY open it.

Icelollycraving · 26/07/2014 15:49

Oh not sure why that was in caps but the sentiment is the same.

Staryyeyedsurprise · 26/07/2014 15:49

KnackeredMuchly
I would dive right in and see what Barclaycard say

so would I

Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 15:49

So the loan was for 1,500 and the Barclaycard email was a statement. For a credit card. That had a balance of just shy of 400.

Shit has just figuratively hit the fan. I'm pissed to say the least.

OP posts:
EndOfPrimary · 26/07/2014 15:51

Could he be gambling?

For me the most important question would be why he needed the loan.

Discussing it with you def comes second to that.

CarrotBottom · 26/07/2014 15:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 15:55

I'm going to attempt to calm down and have a conversation with him when he gets home, after DD goes to bed.

OP posts:
Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 15:58

I really hope its not gambling, I don't think it is he's never shown an interest in anything like that.

If he's been keeping all this from me though who's to say there isn't more. I need to convince !y brain to stop over thinking.

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 26/07/2014 15:59

Is all your money joint, or do you both have some of your own you can spend as you like?

Iloveweetos · 26/07/2014 16:01

Hope there's an innocent explanation for this. Try not to overthink until you have to

Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 16:02

The only thing thats not joint is the credit card in my name that I keep on top of.

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 26/07/2014 16:03

Be careful though. It might just be for a special present or holiday.
Do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up?

tinkerbellvspredator · 26/07/2014 16:06

Does what it's for matter though. I would not be happy with DH getting 1.5k into debt for a present or holiday etc.

Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 16:07

We've just been on holiday, birthday has long gone and our anniversary isn't for 3 months. I'm really hoping there is an innocent explanation for all this. I shall update once I know.

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 26/07/2014 16:08

Are last month's purchases and payments/carried fwd listed on the email? (old gimmer that still gets paper statements)

Topaz25 · 26/07/2014 16:08

Running up debt without consulting his partner isn't acceptable, especially when they have joint finances and it affects her credit rating. It doesn't matter if it's for a gift.

Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 16:09

Likewise, Tinkerbell, I'd rather go without than be I'm debt.

Still, if he was planning something it doesn't explain the credit card already in debt. : S

OP posts:
Original poster
DoomDeer · 26/07/2014 16:13

It just had the balance on it.

OP posts:
iamsoannoyed · 26/07/2014 16:16

I think you need to talk to him about it.

Even if it is an innocent explanation, such as splashing out for a "special present or anniversary thing or a holiday, I really don't think he should be getting into debt for this sort of thing to that degree without letting you know. Especially as you appear to have joint finances.

Whatever it is, you have to discuss it. I would be pissed off too.

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