AIBU to confront DP about this email?

[DoomDeer]

One thing to make clear, I was not snooping on DP I had forgotten the password to one of our accounts That uses his email.

While I was waiting for the password reset to come through I noticed there was an email from our bank, letting DP know that the application for a loan was being processed. At first, I thought it was probably a scam email that had ended up in the inbox but the more I looked at it the more I wondered and I eventually gave up and read it.

Its a genuine email. We have a joint account and frankly I'm hurt that he's applied for a loan that we don't need without asking me or telling me, this doesn't just effect him as it contributes to my credit score as well.

Now I'm a but paranoid he's kept other things from me to, there was an email from Barclaycard as well, I didn't open, I'm wondering whether I should go back and find out what its about.

I really hate debt....:(

Was the email addressed to him.

So he told me he no longer loves me...we broke up, 5 years of my life.

Don't they need permission from both of you to agree loans to your joint account?

WTF? so sorry to hear that. Where did that come from?

WTF?! Not the outcome I was expecting, I was anticipating apologies and grovelling ... how tangled are your finances?

Oh OP, that's tough. But thank your lucky star that you found out now. My SIL's exh got into really serious debt before he walked out. Poor SIL had debt collectors coming to her door.

But still, it sucks.

Oh, and check on your mortgage! Unless you already closely monitor.

OMG - sorry.

Is this just him being an arse of mega proportions because he has been caught out or is it really over??

Oh dear - I'm so sorry. I'm afraid, as you may know, there is usually someone else in the picture when they say things like that.

I hope you have some support in real life.

Be kind to yourself and make sure he does not rip you off financially.

You might want to start a thread in Relationships.

I don't even know what to do right now..

Contact the bank. If its a joint account and the loan hasn't been processed yet, you should have legal right to revoke the loan application and force him to do it on his own...

Contact the bank and cab. Op I'm sorry.

oh god how awful
separate your finances asap
you poor love

Not what I was expecting. :( so sorry op.

Call the bank and make sure he doesn't take out a loan you may be responsible for. If necessary I'd cancel both of your cards as lost so he can't make major withdrawals - though others may advise against that and listen to them if they have good reasons I think you have the right to lose trust - he's tried sneaking £1500.

Get your own account asap if you don't already. Get all of your money paid into that (wages, child benefit etc. Look at the statement so you don't miss anything)

Cancel any payments to things like charities/ memberships that can be cancelled easily etc until things settle.

I am so sorry to read this. You poor thing - have you got some real life support?

I'm so sorry to read this. Do you have someone to talk to in real life?

Oh, poor you

Please allow some part of your brain to think 'self-protection' and lock down all your finances. Run credit checks with Experian and Equifax. Check your mortgage, savings, pensions, etc. Keep copies and ensure he can't get money out of anything without your knowledge.

Presumably the loan was to pay off a credit card. Has he come clean yet?

Also, DO ask a close friend to come over or go out with you, to give you a good listening. Feeling for you :(

My sis came and picked me and DD up to stay at hers. I'm so confused, its like thenrug has been pulled out from underneath me. He came back from our holiday early to sort out something at work, he told me when DD and I came back he missed DD but didn't miss me. Henrealosed he no longer loved me...just like that.

Really sorry he reacted that way OP

You need to sort your joint account out now, stop your salary going in and arrange that he can't take money out without your signature. Do that today if you can.

Then think about your home. Is it rent or mortgage? Both names or just one? What rights do you have and what rights does he have? Car? Who owns it?

I'm not saying you should aim to leave him homeless and penniless, just don't wait around for his crapness with money to ruin everything you've worked for. You may benefit from some legal advice re anything you own jointly. And of course there's a child to consider, if he walks away he'll still have to contribute to her needs financially.

Other than the practical issues, speak to someone in RL if you can and try to make sure you look after you. Stay hydrated, eat nutritious food and try something to relax. Bubble bath, walks in the park with DC, out with friends. Whatever works for you.

OP I'm so sorry :(

As others said check no other loans, and check nothing is secured by the house, or by you.

Take care of yourself xx

Its a rented place. From his godfather, so I'm guessing I need to find somewhere to live. DD goes to preschool with now ExDPs mum, everything is connected to him in some way.

Or he came back early to see someone???
You poor soul; I got a shock when I read that post so lord only knows how you felt. Terrible shock. Thinking of you. There are some helpful folks on Relationships who give good advice on practical things.

Wow. I agree, there is something else going on. The script would suggest an OW sadly.