To resent my baby

[OlderMummy1]

I tried to find an appropriate 'baby' section on Mumsnet to post this in but couldn't. I know I'm BU. I know I'm the most awful person in the world for feeling like this.

I love my 2 year old DD completely and utterly. Every moment spent with her is a delight. Having my 5 month old DS has ruined my life and has been a terrible mistake. I had another child despite it being a hard road for us because I didn't want my DD to be alone in life when anything happened to us. But every day my DS has been here has detracted from my DDs life. I'm always messing with him, I never have much time for her. She has speech delay and needs more input from me, probably something else I'm managed to do wrong.

With my 'D'S it has been traumatic birth, intolerances, severe reflux, losing weight, poor feeding. Latest thing is he has absolutely no schedule as I can't get him into one no matter how hard I try. He never naps for more than 20 mins so is constantly tired. He sleeps a bit better at night but I never have more than a 3-4 hour stretch.

I have so many things I want to do with my DD. Her babyhood will soon be gone and she will have missed out on so much. I look at this screaming, miserable thing next to me and I hate him.

How can I fix this apart from give them to someone who actually deserves them?

He is five months which on one hand is young enough to keep doing whatever works eg swaddling.
HIV is not there day to day in your situation, ignore,

But he is also old enough to be handed over to your h for a few hours as you have done or to a childminder or other carer so make that a regular thing.

Speech delays are not your fault.
My oldest (now 17 with a host of diff issues due to a chromosome disorder) watched a lot of videos when Middle was born actually her first word was "bob" as in bob the builder,,, she talked early ! however oldest learned letters and numbers and colours and to read watching videos like post man abc DVD. Cbeebies is marvellous. If she picks up signs from mr tumble then fantastic.

Agree you just do what's right for you and your DS now. I cuddled my eldest dd to sleep til she turned 18 months ish, then she went by herself as we built in a new routine and she could accept it. At 5 months they just feel lonely. They are biologically programmed to want the comfort of mum! My 6 month old feeds to sleep every night and I thank heavens for the great excuse to lie down for 30 mins ;)