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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel a bit put out by this? (friend's birthday outing)

25 replies

RagamuffinAndFidget · 25/07/2014 20:46

I'll try and keep this short - it's not very interesting, sorry!

It's my friend's birthday today (not a 'special' number or anything) and a while ago she invited a few friends out to London for the day, the idea being that we would go to the London Dungeon, then out for a meal and drinks. I said I'd like to go, and have been saving my pennies so I had enough to be able to afford to have a nice day out. (So as not to drip feed - DH and I are really not well off at all so I've really had to work hard to save some money for this)

Cut to today - several other friends have dropped out so it's ended up being just me, birthday friend and one other mutual friend. They have booked a hotel for the night (I knew this but opted to get the last train home instead - we're not far at all out of London - as I really couldn't afford the hotel) and today informed me that after the London Dungeon they plan to just go back to the hotel so they can 'fully make the most of the time there'. So I will be travelling up to London, going to the Dungeon, and then being left on my own in the middle of London.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by this? I know it's her birthday but really, what was the point of me saving all this money for a day out when I'm not even really included in most of it?

OP posts:
BonaDea · 25/07/2014 20:48

Yanbu.

But I think if I were you I'd very kindly explain your predicament and then bow out gracefully if they won't change plans

freezation · 25/07/2014 20:50

What sort of hotel is it? If it's a travelodge then YANBU but if it's some kind of fancy spa hotel I can understand why they'd want to make the most of it. We're you invited to stay at the hotel too? Could you use the facilities as a guest?

SilentBob · 25/07/2014 20:52

Are they going back for drinks etc or other plans? If the former, I'd probably ask if I could join them. If the latter, I'd be bowing out of the whole thing.

Original poster
RagamuffinAndFidget · 25/07/2014 20:53

It's a fancy hotel but not a spa or anything. They've just got the room for the night, not dinner or anything like that. So maybe I would be able to go and have a drink with them in the bar or something, but if they want to go up to their room I'd have to leave, I think..

OP posts:
picnicbasketcase · 25/07/2014 20:56

They're being very inconsiderate if they know you can't really afford to go and just want to hang out in a hotel that you're not staying in. Have you already spent money on getting there? I'd cancel if they really can't be more accommodating.

Bodicea · 25/07/2014 20:57

I would check on that. As long as you aren't staying am sure could go up earlier in the evening.
But yes I would be a bit put out. What is so good about sitting in a hotel room?

XiCi · 25/07/2014 20:58

I'm really quite astounded at how fucking thoughtless that is. I just can't imagine ever treating a friend like that. It's just so rude. How good a friend is she? Couldn't you just suggest a few drinks before you get the train, even if it's at their hotel bar.
I think I'd be asking myself if they were really a friend. I'm not surprised you are upset OP

NoArmaniNoPunani · 25/07/2014 21:00

Their plans sound odd. Who wants to go to London just to sit in a hotel? There are plenty of great bars and restaurants. Maybe that's why so many other people dropped out

defineme · 25/07/2014 21:02

I would assume that they were going to have dinner and drinks at the hotel and you were invited? Why can't you go to their room for a drink and a chat? Hotels don't count you in and out?

YankNCock · 25/07/2014 21:03

I think your friend is being unreasonable making adults go to the London Dungeon.

kiplingmidst · 25/07/2014 21:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cithkadston · 25/07/2014 21:07

I'd be upset at that too. I think it's really inconsiderate of your friend. I also can't understand why they would want to just sit in a hotel room all afternoon/evening.

In your position, OP, I wouldn't go.

NewtRipley · 25/07/2014 21:10

What will they be doing at the hotel to "make the most of it" ??? Hmm??? Wink

XiCi · 25/07/2014 21:14

Haha NewtRipley I hadn't thought of that. That is a good explanation for such odd behaviour

NewtRipley · 25/07/2014 21:18

They will have to eat as well though, won't they ?

Chippednailvarnish · 25/07/2014 21:19

Drop them.
Get a train to London, visit the National Gallery, Tate Modern, National Portrait Gallery, TheaterLand, shop on Oxford Street, Covent Garden, Bond Street, take a walk along the Southbank, if it's open go to Borough Market and eat your way around it.

But whatever you do, don't sit in a bloody hotel room staring a four walls with two very rude "friends"!!!!

NewtRipley · 25/07/2014 21:20

I am a bit judge about the fact that, given all London has to offer, the London Dungeon is the best she can come up with.

NewtRipley · 25/07/2014 21:21

... as Chippednailvarnish says!

CoffeeTea103 · 25/07/2014 21:23

Yanbu, very mean of them. This is really not what friends do to each other.

Coconutty · 25/07/2014 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pyjamaramadrama · 25/07/2014 21:33

What an odd choice for adults visiting London. I looked into it to take ds and it still seemed unbearable.

London has so much more to offer.

GoEasyPudding · 25/07/2014 21:41

Is your friend celebrating her 12th Birthday? London Dungeon is cool for that age group for sure!

Must be some fancy arse hotel to want to be in it all day long. What a shame the plans have changed.

Not sure what I would do. Would depend on the cost of the train ticket Vs. the amount of fun to be had at the Dungeon.

bauhausfan · 25/07/2014 22:35

Pull a sicky and spend the money on something nicer for yourself.

Nottinghill1 · 25/07/2014 23:47

I wouldn't bother going. Use the money for something nice!

PhaedraIsMyName · 26/07/2014 00:42

I am a bit judge about the fact that, given all London has to offer, the London Dungeon is the best she can come up with

Yes I know we shouldn't judge other people's choices but really? For adults ? In London.

OP I second all the other suggestions and will add The Wedding Dress and Italian Fashion exhibitions at the V&A.

www.vam.ac.uk/

Would it out you to ask which hotel?
Are we in The Ritz/Dorchester/The Goring territory?

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