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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Peeing with the door open

79 replies

grumpasaur · 24/07/2014 19:56

My husband thinks it is weird. I don't see a problem with it- especially considering I wee about 800 times a day, and the cat meows every time the bathroom door is closed! Who is being unreasonable??

OP posts:

believeintheshield · 24/07/2014 22:47

Door always open in our house unless there are visitors. I do the same as a PP and sometimes forget until I'm halfway onto the loo to shut the door when we have guests. Door was always open growing up as well, and I'd often sit in the bathroom chattering away to my mum while she was on the loo. I still do sometimes when I'm home, actually.

Original poster

grumpasaur · 24/07/2014 22:47

Chocolatewombat- thanks for trusting is to share!

Lulu- I am well jealous. I am 98% happily married but that 2% of me desperately wishes that DH was a more spontaneously passionate man. I miss that part of myself!

OP posts:

KillmeNow · 24/07/2014 22:50

I have never been able to leave the door open after I once read a crime thriller that featured a burglar who broke into a flat and hid in a closet when the occupant came home. Turned out to be a woman who went straight to the loo and left the door open . He judged her on that then took out his annoyance on her .

I know it was only fiction and the chances of similar happening are slim (since if Im not here then DH is ) but I cant break out of it.

DownByTheRiverside · 24/07/2014 22:52

DS used to do this, DD who is older, took exception and thought it gross.
So she used to use a plant sprayer to deter him.
It worked.
OH and I were brought up to close the door, our parents were not products of the 60s but the repressed 50s.

Gruntfuttock · 24/07/2014 22:53

ChocolateWombat "I still don't shit the door"

Nor do I. I always shut the door when using the loo, though, as do all my family.

Tiptops · 24/07/2014 22:55

YABU. Doesn't matter if it's family, I don't want to hear someone else using the toilet!

Alisvolatpropiis · 24/07/2014 23:00

Good lord op, I'm surprised you didn't take a restraining order out on her. That behaviour isn't normal. Certainly puts having a wee with the door open into perspective!

LuluJakey1 · 24/07/2014 23:00

grump I would say I wasn't a room to room person naturally but DH is very spontaneous and I have grown to love it. It's fun and passionate and I feel really 'liberated' by it. You can't be dignified on the stairs, or the kitchen table or the sofa! I used to spend far too much time worrying about how I might look- fat bits or whatever. Never think abput it now.

SistersOfPercy · 24/07/2014 23:54

Only shut when we have visitors.

I think there is some kind of hidden alarm on our loo seat that alerts the rest of family because if I haven't got the dog sat at my feet dd or dh suddenly remember they needed to tell me something and appear in the doorway.
It could be just the bathroom in general to be fair because as soon as my toe touches bath water everyone appears.

splendide · 25/07/2014 08:28

I leave the door open just enough so that the cat can get in or it makes her sad.

Original poster

grumpasaur · 25/07/2014 09:53

Alis- me too, in retrospect! To be fair to her, she was going through a rough patch at the time, and seemed to have panic attacks whenever she was alone. So she did everything she could- and I mean EVERYTHING- to never be alone! I coped for eight months because she was a good friend and I loved her, and then I cracked!

Lulu- I think that "unliberated" you is my husband. He is actually only a little bit overweight, but he thinks he is obese... And so he has these hang ups which follow him into TJ bedroom. Or rather- anywhere BUT THE BEDROOM.

I am quite open and comfortable with myself and my body, and I really so miss that feeling of just shagging anywhere and everywhere... I have come to understand that his lack of passion has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with him- but it's still hard for me to handle sometimes, and it was such a big part of me before.

Do you have any tips on how I could encourage him?

OP posts:

MildDrPepperAddiction · 25/07/2014 09:56

YABU. Shut the door. Just because you don't mind people looking at you doesn't mean people want to see you on the toilet. It's kind of disgusting.

HecatePropylaea · 25/07/2014 10:13

always door shut here. I don't think peeing is a spectator sport

I did once leave the door open not realising he was around and then his head popped round the door frame and he said "whatcha doooin'?" (like Isabella from phineas and ferb - it's a 'thing' we do with the kids cartoons catchphrases. We really need to get out more)

and I clenched mid pee and couldn't get going again. My bladder got stage fright.

I think that people have the right to feel how they feel. You aren't wrong to not care and your husband is not wrong to feel it's private. You just happen to have different views on it.

fluffyraggies · 25/07/2014 10:58

Shut for poo, open for wee.

I do neither in front of DH. He wont walk in if i'm on the loo. s always join me in the bathroom when i go to the loo Like they think i cant be trusted

DH only leaves the door open for a pee when the kids are out. he pisses like a bloody race horse and you could hear it through 3'' of concrete, so makes no difference sound wise.

fluffyraggies · 25/07/2014 10:59

*Cats. Cats always join me.

Crinkle77 · 25/07/2014 11:17

I will leave it open for a wee and I'm not bothered if my partner sees me and he's not bothered about it either. He even had to stand guard at the beach the other week while I had a wee in the dunes cos there were no loos.

Original poster

grumpasaur · 25/07/2014 11:51

Milddrpepper- I think that is a bit strong. If you read upthread, I have said twice now that I will start shutting the door... And I will.

It really does sound like what you are used to, so I don't think it is disgusting or not- just habit.

OP posts:

ChickenMe · 25/07/2014 12:45

Lol I try to. OH shuts door as he doesn't like it. Cat desperately tries to get in too. Then once she is in with door shut she must get out ASAP

Chopsypie · 25/07/2014 12:55

We are another family with no shame. Door is usually always open unless we have guests.
I do tend to go upstairs and lock myself in to poo, but that's just to get a bit of peace and quiet, not for anyone else's sensibilities.

Original poster

grumpasaur · 25/07/2014 13:23

What is it with cats? Ours insists that no doors are ever closed, but is not even remotely interested in what is actually on the other side. He just wants to know that he COULD explore if he deigned there was something interesting to see.

OP posts:

fluffyraggies · 25/07/2014 13:34

What is it with cats?

Unknown. But my two really do make a point of coming with me to the loo if they notice me heading there. 'Specially if it's the downstairs one (where their litter tray is). Mr.Raggiecat has recently taken to having a wee in his tray at the same time as i'm having my wee

All very civilized and genteel. Bit of gentle purring in and out of the tray and then a graceful walk out the door with me

bruffin · 25/07/2014 13:52

Our cat insists on sitting with dh while he is in the loo, if she finds out that dh is in the loo then she starts miaowing and scratching to come in. I have to shut her in downstairs if dh is in the loo sometimes

halfdoneharris · 25/07/2014 14:02

Door always open in our family unless we have guests. Our downstairs loo has unfrosted glass to waist height so the back neighbours could also spy on us in the loo (but I don't overly worry about that as they are never seemingly in their garden).

kentishgirl · 25/07/2014 14:04

We pee in front of each other, but it's the first relationship I've been in where we do that. I was a bit at first as it was him who was comfortable and thought it was normal, and me who had never done it. But now it's fine. I don't think he would have made a big point of pushing it on me if I'd preferred the door shut. Put it this way, it doesn't inconvenience, hurt or embarrass you in any way to shut the door (sod the cats noise, who cares). But it is embarrassing him to have it open. Different people have different boundaries. Generally it's nicer to adjust to the level where no one feels uncomfortable.

ThatBloodyWoman · 25/07/2014 14:07

I've started to close the door or else the dog comes in and tries to jump on my lap.

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