Priest telling boys how to pee at school?

[Downamongtherednecks]

Tween ds is at a private school, not UK. Most staff are female. There were incidents of the boys’ loos being left with pee around the lavatory bowl, so a male member of staff (priest) took the boys into the loos (in groups) to tell them that this was unacceptable and to suggest that they aim better and that they should perhaps practice more (!).

This was not discussed at all with parents.
AIBU to think this was not an acceptable thing for the school to do? It seems far too private and something surely better handled by parents. Priest has form for sexism so it is possible that may be one reason I instinctively don’t like it. DH (robustly boys’ private-school educated) says this was fine, it's a boy/male teacher thing, and he can’t see a problem with it. Happy to be told I am being biased against the sexist priest. No intention of taking it up with school btw, as dc are leaving anyway. AIBU?

Completely agree with you OP.

Can a priest tell a group of children not to pee in a swimming pool?
Can a male head lifeguard tell a group of children not to pee in a pool?
Can either one tell children they must shower before entering a swimming pool?

Do schools require that children wear uniform to cover their bodies while in school?
Do schools have personal grooming standards wrt make up, hair styles, nail polish, hair length, that they expect students to adhere to?
Do workplaces enforce dress codes?
Do schools ask teachers to adhere to a dress code?
Are employees sometimes required to wear name tags with only their first names shown?
Do workplaces require employees to wear ID around their necks?

By your reasoning, the existence of school rules makes rape of children unavoidable.

In some situations rules, and by extension the adults reminding about the rules, explaining what the rules mean, and directly ordering compliance with the rules, must be obeyed.

Or is it only when priests insist on school rules being observed (I am sure there is something in the school handbook about respect for school property) that they are paving the way to rape?

Of course children's bodies are private. I honestly don't see how that privacy was compromised at all by this incident.

I agree that kids bodies are private but I can't see that speaking to them, fully clothed, while they are fully clothed, compromises this, even in a toilet.

They have to understand the impact of their actions on other people and they won't understand if they aren't shown them. Whichever boys made this mess for lesser beings to clean are hardly going to see this in theoretical terms - they clearly lack empathic imagination.

I'm really struggling with how offhand you are about the people who clean up after your son at home and at school. Being that blasé is not teaching your son the right lesson here. Basically, he's learning to put his own comfort and privacy first and completely ignore his impact on others.

And I can't help thinking that a child who was very private about his lavatorial behaviour would want to know how to avoid other people having to mop up his pee.

I have the uric acid whiff of kids who don't think that cleaners are as human as they are here.

They stood around the toilet, that was where the issue was.

If the issue has been with people leaving a mess around sinks then i would expect them to be shown that. If the issue was with people drawing on walls I would expect them to be shown that.

It's a non issue. Going to the toilet may be a private thing, standing next to one fully dressed as part of a group isn't

Out of interest op do you ever check the state of your sons bathroom or do you leave that to the cleaner?

If you honestly believe that children's bodies are NOT private

An unidentified boy's piss on a floor of a public space is not a child's body.

This thread makes me think of this: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Not_even_wrong

I like math's reference to "the scene of the crime".I was going to say that and changed it as I thought it might annoy OP but it's more succinct than what I wrote.

I find OP's insistence that any other room in the school would have been acceptable to be shown as a "crime scene" apart from the lavatories really quite odd. There is nothing inherently dirty about lavatories or any need to speak in hushed tones about them or what goes on in them. It's not a big secret.

I think so, because priests are deviant people. .

The attitude displayed by the OP and some other posters surely make it more likely that children will continue to be abused

If the very idea of standing in a toilet with a group of people is wrong because it is sort of, kind of, almost connected to genitalia, how the hell can children learn that it is OK to speak out about what happens to them?

If their parents are so obviously horrified that a trusted man walked into a toilet with a group of other children they may be terrified at that parent's reaction to a disclosure of actual touching, grooming, assault.

Making children frightened of adults does not protect them. It makes them more vulnerable.

Devere you have eloquently put what I was trying to say in my last post.

"I think so, because priests are deviant people. ."

I am an atheist, and find much about the Catholic Church utterly abhorrent. But I would like to disassociate myself from this particularly ridiculous statement.

Hakluyt I think the poster meant it as a parody of some of the views on here.

sirzy I wouldn't dream of checking up on whether my cleaner has done her job in ds' bathroom. Neither do I run my hands across the lintels to see if she's dusted "correctly". She comes twice a week so I'd be doing nothing but checking up on her, poor woman. Really unsure about all this "poor exploited people who have to clean bathrooms". What's so wrong with being a cleaner? The school one is a contracted company and the man who runs it comes in with another young man; mine rocks up in her truck wearing Daisy Dukes, has a list of families as long as your arm and chooses to do this work (which she likes) as she has MH issues and can work at her own pace and not under scrutiny such as in an office.

Do you think it's your cleaner's job to mop up your ds's urine from around his loo?

The suggestion about checking your son's bathroom was about seeing what it is like before she cleans it not after to check up on her.

This is one of the weirdest threads I have ever seen on MN.

Just how is it wrong for a person to show other people the mess they are making in the room they are making it? .

Boys of 11 and over should not be pissing all over the floor and expecting someone else to clean it up. If my DSes had come home and told me this had happened at their school I would have been mortified to think they were involved in the mess making and the poor cleaners were cleaning it up! I would probably have sent in some wine or chocolates as a way of apology, not frothing about it being personal business and it shouldn't be talked about!

Nothing's wrong with being a cleaner, as I said in my previous post I am one. I have worked in schools with the same age range as your son. I have on several occasions asked the principal to talk and show pupils the state they are leaving the toilets in. What happened in your child's school has been the standard procedure where I've worked.

I'd actually be embarrassed for myself if my child told me that the school/ year group had been leaving the toilets in such a mess that the teacher had to point out where they should piss. And I would be making sure they weren't leaving that kind of mess in their own house for someone else to clean. And if your cleaner is telling you they've seen worse, or he's not that bad, believe me they're being kind. I've used that same line as the truth can be a little more unpalatable for some people to hear.

Nobody has said there is anything wrong in being a cleaner.

Several posters have said it's not however acceptable to expect a cleaner to routinely clear up urine. There may be hospitals, care institutions and the like where it is but is not , to my mind, part of a cleaner's general duties outwith specialised locations.

There is nothing wrong with being a cleaner.

There is something very wrong with bringing up a boy to think that it's OK for anyone, apart from himself, to clean up his pee if he misses the loo.