About to be homeless, life in ruins - please help!

[PanicStations2014]

Apologies for the over-dramatic title but it unfortunately describes my situation pretty accurately right now. I am posting here as it gets the most traffic (am I right?) and quite frankly, I need a kick up the arse! This will be long - sorry.

I am basically in a world of shit right now: I have been living with my (now ex) partner and in-laws since last Autumn, since we both got made redundant last summer and could no longer afford our rental property. I have only managed to find sporadic temp work since and exP was out of work for a staggering SEVEN months (unheard of for him), but has been in regular full-time work since February. It is still contracting though, so not 100% stable.

I have a DS of 12 from a prior relationship and a DD of 2 from current/exP, both living with us and both fantastic kids, truly. I am also almost 6 months pregnant, due to a spectacular contraceptive failure at the beginning of the year (no one quite knows when). We have all been sleeping/living in one average sized double room and sharing the kitchen and bathroom. Although in-laws have been very kind to welcome us and I am grateful for the roof over our heads, it has been a very difficult existence to be honest.

Upon discovering I was pregnant, ex-P tried to pressure me into getting an abortion. I was not thrilled with the timing of being pregnant myself but I just couldn't go through with it (I lost a baby 11 years ago at about 19 weeks - this may be why). Perhaps I was selfish not to terminate? I dare say so. As a result, ex-P split with me, saying he would "see and support the kid" but was fed up of all my disasters and was done with me. He has implied I got pregnant deliberately (not true)!!! So we have been living in the same house/ same ROOM since early April, as a separated couple. It has been a living hell.

Relationship with now exP has been quite frankly awful anyway since my pregnancy with our DD. He is very emotionally abusive and can be cruel. He has also been violent in the past but not for some time (I think his behaviour has improved now that DD is getting older). My DS is unaware of ex-P's behaviour, as he seems to hold it in for every-other-weekend when my DS stays over at his dad's. He does not yet know we have split. Hardly anyone knows! This is one saving grace.

Ex-P and his parents decided in June that they wanted me and the kids to approach the council to "get a council house" as they put it. They basically gave me a date to get out by (17th). I can't really blame them for not wanting to put up with this situation any longer, so I did. The council bargained for them to let me stay for 5 more weeks, on the proviso that I went out and searched for a private rental that accepts housing benefit (which they would then pay for, along with the deposit). I was relieved to hear that and set about looking high and low. I am not kidding when I tell you I have done over 800 miles in my car in just over a month!!! Every estate agent in a 50 mile radius must have my details and it hasn't been easy, being pregnant and trying to keep my toddler DD from getting fractious going in and out of these places. Most agents/landlords are not accepting DSS at all now, so a lot of these visits have been futile.

Never-the-less, I was offered just ONE property in all this time. It was slightly more than housing benefit were willing to pay (benefit cap) but my ex-P was willing to top up (so as to keep the kids nearby) and my dad agreed to be my guarantor. It was agreed in theory.

I found said property in the 1st of July. Myself and the estate agent kept in touch regularly and we continually phoned/emailed the council and in particular, the woman assigned to deal with my case every couple of days or so but she just continually outright ignored us both. It was only on the 17th of July, after I threatened to complain, that the council got back to the estate agent about letting me the property, by which point the landlady of the property had decided enough was enough and let the house out to a private renter. The day before. I am heartbroken - this was my only chance to get housed and they completely fucked it up for me - either by incompetence or corruption. I have kept a paper trail on the bastards though.

I have put in an official complaint, but the bottom line is that I have to be out of the house by Friday. (Was originally supposed to be today)! There is no one else that can take us in. The council have said I am to present myself to them on Friday at 2pm and they will put me in temporary emergency accommodation. But they warned me that this could be anywhere in the country and was unlikely to be nearby. Apparently the Midlands or up north is a possibility (I am currently in London). I have also been told that if I refuse the accommodation, that the council have no obligation to help me. Ever again.

I don't mean to be rude or ungrateful, but I cannot just up and leave my area! My son is at school locally and spends every-other-weekend with his dad and although his dad can't have him full time (he works mostly nights), we are amicable and I do not want to deprive them of a regular relationship with each other and I cannot afford to travel long distances if I'm up north. Despite my tense relationship with ex-P, I also do not think it's right that he should lose all access to his DD. I am under consultant care at my local hospital for blood issues during this pregnancy - what about that also?! This is the council's fuck up and now they've got me backed into a corner and are refusing to help me unless I pack up my life and do what they say! I have a life here and so do my kids - I don't mind moving a county or two out but 100's of miles away? No way! Why are they punishing us for their incompetence?! The outcome of my complaint won't even be heard until the 4th August, by which point I'll be gone! Here's the joke: it arrives in letter form! At what address?!?!?!

Please mumsnetters - what the hell do I do?!

OP, I have PM'd you.

Yes that is correct you cannot be rehomed until you are homeless. At the moment you are not homeless and so the Council has no statutory duty towards you..

They can offer help if you find private rental and even in some case help withthe deposit (which it seems they have done), but do not look for it for you nor is it their job to sort out the lease etc. That is down to you. .. and as you have found out not all landlords wait.

Also if you cannot afford the rent asked , the council is not under obligation to 'top' up housing benefit..it is a stuatory amount for the typw of accomodation and so they will not pay abouve that. ( this is set by Government) Also any help you get (from exp) is counted as income coming in and may affect what they wil pay out in HB anyway .

Its tough but that is the way it is.. you will be a priority when you ar ehomeless (as you have children) and you will get emergency accommodation if you need it . But sadly there is no choice as to where. Emergency accommodation is where it is. If you refuse it then you will be have deemed to have refused a suitable offer and, yes , inthat case they are under no further obligation to help you because under housing law you will have made yourself intentionally homeless .. Tough but that is the rule for eligibility. They will have a duty to the children though and will most likely assign you a social worker.

Another option you may offered is a women's refuge - they may offer you that if they consider that you and the children have been thown out by 'abusive' partner (but it is not likely to be in your neighbourhood as policy for womens refuge is to move family away from abusive parent.. If they offer you that .. please do take it as you will then be able to begin establish a Local Connection in your new area which may help you get accommodation there (although there are strict rules on local connection criteria also as there is a shortage of 'social housing' ) . .. and do take the social workers advice.. they will be able to work with you and the council ..

You should also get independent advice.. look up your local Law centre or go to CAB who will point you in right direction. You will have to apply for housing benefit when you are no longer being housed by your inlaws and you should also claim all the benefits you are able .

Sadly you will have to accept that you will most likely have to move to a cheaper area. especially if you private rent..

So sorry you are in this situation.. but getting angry and putting in a complaint at this juncture (while you are still housed and so not a priority ) - especialy alledging 'corruption' (which i simply can not believe in any housing team , who have to deal with literally hundreds of cases each week and have to give priority to thouse actually homeless at the time ).. isnt going to help .

The bottom line is ther is simply not enough social housing , and you have to take what you are given

I'm very sorry to hear about your situation but cannot offer any real advice but

Can't remember of boys of 12 can go in hostels?

Even as far out as bits of Croydon and Bromley.

Croydon maybe but Bromley you are looking at way above what the OP has said she can pay.

Keep contacting your MP, did you email or phone?

Hmm, I didn't want to ignore your post. I'm a legal adviser specialising in housing law and whilst you've been given some good advice and suggestions here, I just wanted to give an overview of your rights/ what you should be doing. Please, please message me if you have any specific questions and I will try my best to give you advise and reassure you.

1. You really must try and contact a housing law centre, or find a solicitor's firm that are approved by the Legal Aid Agency to undertake housing work under the Legal Help Scheme. Due to cuts to Legal Help, they are becoming few and far between, alas. You may be able to find one in London from the following contacts:

www.londonlawcentre.org.uk/links/housing.html

Providing you qualify for Legal Help however, you can get advice from any organisation contracted to provide advice by the Legal Aid Agency, location doesn't matter. It may be worth looking outside of London as well if you can travel, or to find one nearer where you're placed in temporary accommodation.

2. Your best option is to accept the offer of temporary accommodation made to you this Friday, regardless of location. The only way in which the suitability of an offer could be challenged would be by way of a judicial review, and not only would you require a solicitor for this, that solicitor would have to be given permission to JR- successfully reviewing suitability of temporary accommodation has one of the lowest success rates we come across. I'm sorry to say that the disruption it will cause to you and your children (and believe me, I truly do understand) just won't cut it, and there is very little point in getting letters from agencies to this effect.

3. Laska42- you're unfortunately incorrect when you advise that somebody can be found intentionally homeless for refusing a suitable offer of temporary accommodation. Under S. 191 of the Housing Act 1996, a person can only be IH from a property that they have already occupied.

However, if you refuse an offer of what it ultimately deemed to be suitable emergency accommodation, the council would discharge its 'S. 188' duty to you- the duty to provide emergency accommodation. At this point, they would very likely be contacting Children's Services, and a social worker would conduct what it known as a Section 17 assessment under the Children Act 1989. In all likelihood, if you had nowhere else to stay and there was a risk of street homelessness to your children, you'd all be put in B&B by Children's Services.

4. It's worth mentioning that if the council place you into B&B, you can be there for a maximum of 6 weeks in law before they have to move you to 'second stage' temporary accommodation- either a council/ housing association/ privately rented property used as emergency accommodation.

At a womens refuge? Turbo thats a good point ..hmm actually im not sure I think it depends on the local refuge.. some (like our local one) have 'satellite houses' where i think older chlildren can go in with the family .. the local housing team or social worker concerned would know.

OP have you spoken to your older childs father to see if there is any way he could accomodate his son on a temporary basis?..(i know you said he works night but does he have a partner who may be willing to help out?) Does your older child have contact with his grandparents? Can they help? .

Also if you do get a place remember that when baby is born that the two children of same sex will be expected to share.. (this may affect your HB enatitlement ) .

Also im assuming you get money from your exp for his son? That will also count as income ofor benefits ..

Thanks Scott2609 thats useful to know .. .

Apologies OP for mis-advice .. Housing law is complicated! (I work in Housing but am not a homeless officer)

You're not homeless until your end date. If you are put into emergency accommodation else where, will that not be until a place can be found near your location of choice? The council will try to place your child near school - are they not on holiday now? Will this affect your job?

Hi again everyone - thank you all so much for taking the time to reply and apologies for being away from the thread for so long - the day got unexpectedly full on!

I really appreciate everyone taking the time to reply and there has been lots of wonderful advice so thanks again form the bottom of my heart.

I have calmed down a bit now. After my first few posts, I phoned (and got through to) my local MP's assistant. I explained my situation and he was very nice and said that the MP would be more than happy to speak with the council to try to convince them to keep me local. However, they could only try to help once I have accepted whatever the council offers me as they can't get involved on a 'maybe' (entirely fair enough). He asked me to ring back on Friday, once I know for sure. Was a relief to get through again it's been mostly engaged since Monday!

I also spoke with the helpline that MrsReacher85 suggested (fantastic advice, thank you!), which I've since discovered is called the Civil Legal Advice line. I actually think that Shelter gave me this number over the phone back in June, but that I didn't think at the time that I would need it! Whoops! Anyway, I spoke with a lovely lady, who informed me that I would more than likely be entitled to legal aid, should it come down to it but that once again, they couldn't actually 'do' anything until I had the solid information of where I would be staying. So she gave me her direct line and told me to call her on Friday also, once I had the DL...

This will probably out me, but so be it: my local authority council is Enfield, in North London. I have had estate agents and one other council miles away roll their eyes and say "you poor thing - they're known to be the worst" once I explained my situation! God knows how long this crap has been going on for others but it is worrying that they are obviously considered to be rubbish by people in the know...

Just to say, maintenance payments are not considered as income for benefits calculations: entitledto.
Not sure if this has been covered upthread, but I'm sure it used to be the case that women in domestic violence situations were considered as priority for housing. I think legal aid as well.
Have you mentioned the violence at any point?

Posted a bit too soon...

Just wanted to clear a few things up though, to prove that I have been doing all I can:

-Prior to me splitting with ex-P, we had been living at his parents just to get by after losing our jobs and leaving our rental house. The original plan had been to stay here for a bit and then save enough for a rental deposit to move out by this summer. Unfortunately it didn't quite work out like that - I was earning peanuts from zero-hours contract temp work and ex-P didn't find work until Feb (since July '13). We had a few debts (Peter/Paul style) accrued from our unemployment that we needed to pay first and then finding out about the pregnancy in March put another level of pressure on, so we've managed to save sweet FA between us.

-My ex-P and I first split up on April 7th. It took a couple of weeks before I accepted it was happening but by the time of my 3 month scan on the 25th April (which I attended alone), I got my arse in gear and informed the tax credits people the very next day. The following Monday, I started looking for private rentals in my local area (Enfield) which on average are £1400-£1500 a month! I didn't know at this time that a third child would put us over the benefit cap threshold and that we would only be eligible for approx £950 housing benefit, so I naively carried on looking in vain, throughout May. Not one agent/landlord agreed. Ex-P and parents decided we had to go if we hadn't found anything by June 17th as their younger DD (ex-DSIL) was coming back from living away at Uni that day, thus making the conditions in the house even more crowded and untenable. I cannot blame them for having had enough.

-It was the council, in June that informed me of the benefit cap and that I would have to be looking at properties MUCH further afield. And so began the rest of my story as described in my OP, but basically I was told to search in places like Harlow, Stevenage, Broxbourne, Luton, Chelmsford, etc. So I did. The house I eventually (almost) secured, was amazingly up the road in Waltham Abbey! Was too good to be true, I guess. Ex-P and/or my dad were always willing to pay a top up on any rent should it go over the benefit cap (probably due to guilt at not being able to physically help any longer). I was told by the council that this was acceptable, however when I actually informed them of the property, that's when I was roundly ignored.

-For the 16 days (and yes, that is a fucking LIFETIME in terms of private rentals being on the market) that Enfield Council ignored me, I either emailed the lady directly dealing with my case or two of her colleagues or I kept on phoning. Approximately every couple of days. There are typically no direct line phone numbers (or certainly none that they will give out to the public), so I kept having to go through the council main line and be put through to various colleagues/leave messages/etc. Three seperate times however, I was put through to my 'case lady's' private voicemail, so I left her three personal voice messages which she ignored as well as several other messages left with her colleagues (and superiors) and four emails to her and two of her colleagues, which were also all ignored. The estate agent also tried on my behalf as well. Nothing. Zip. Nada.

-I haven't directly accused the council of being corrupt, it is just one of my suspicions (that I should probably keep to myself for the moment)! But whether it's corruption or incompetence, I still do feel that I have every right to complain about the appalling way this was handled. I jumped through the hoops they set me and they let me and my kids down. We are going to suffer a lot now.

0pheliaBalls - that is shockingly bad also! But thank God you guys found a way out and thank God someone else knows just how bad they can be! They talk to you like your the scum of the earth don't they?

I haven't mentioned previous violence - would that not get ex-P in some serious shit? It was mostly last year now and although ex can be a true arsehole sometimes, he is also a decent father and the thought of depriving either of my children from their dads sickens me to my stomach. A few people have mentioned women's refuges but I'd imagine that there are women in much greater need than me as I am not in immediate danger.

There really is no one else with the space left to take us in. (And I totally get why they wouldn't want to take in this train wreck of a situation)!!! I think my DS's dad would have him there if he could, but the nature of his job is that a 12 year old boy would be alone all night, nearly every night and would also have to fend for/entertain himself all day too, while his dad rests. Both of us agree that that's not right at all - maybe if he was 15/16 but not at 12. Plus there's no public transport for miles as his dad is fairly rural. And he also wants to live with me! (He may not after all this, poor sod)!

But you did find one suitable place.... So they are out there? There must be more

The council should have a list of landlords who accept HB

His dad is rural? Then look for housing near him?

OP I can offer you and DC a bed if you do find yourselves out in the cold. I don't have much, but I cant bear to think of you having nowhere while this hes sorted out. I'm about 40 minutes north of London x

Why all the comments that London is 'full'?

It's not bloody full. There are tens of thousands of empty properties bought as investments but not let. The government has encouraged investors to buy property for years and created a housing crises for ordinary people, which they now can't address.

It's awful, crazy. :-(

Have looked! There's virtually none there Turbo and it's all too bloody pricey any way!

It's funny - I asked the council for a list of landlords but they only gave me a list of areas to try. The amount of people looking for DSS housing compared to how much is available is out of control. Many by-to-let landlords have it written into their mortgage agreements that it would void their house insurance if they let their properties out to DSS claimants! Unbelievable!

I won't ever stop looking (too stubborn) but I do wonder what the point is if I I'm going to get ignored every time I send them the bloody details!!!

LeaveIt you kind, amazing soul you! I wish people like you worked at the council! Do not worry - I will accept what they offer - even if it's far away, so we will have a roof. It's scary and frustrating but maybe it will lead somewhere,. But thank you so much...xxx

OP, I know you posted here for the extra traffic, but you might consider asking for this thread to be moved to the Legal board, as someone might see it who can think of useful answers for you.

www.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/33951382?search_identifier=9ca0ce492e6500a8762edac49cc983b9

www.zoopla.co.uk/to-rent/details/33950573?search_identifier=9ca0ce492e6500a8762edac49cc983b9

These are in your price range - if your dad is guarantor then you might be able to get them?

I know Minifingers - I can think of loads along the A406 which have been lying dormant since the 90's and upon visiting the Hertford branches of various estate agents a couple of weeks ago, I saw loads of boarded up flats there too. What is going on?

One of the most frustrating things about this whole sage is their ridiculous little rules and regs. For example, I'm perfectly fine with renting a 1 or 2 bedroom flat for now and sleeping in the lounge. But apparently by law, my DS has to have his own room and can not share with his sister as he is 10 years older than her and a different gender. Also, the two littluns (one not even bloody born yet!) must share their own room and I must have my own as well. So by law, I apparently HAVE to look for 3 bed properties before they agree to pay out (which reeeeeeeeally ups the price and narrows the search down by miles). But yet they're happy for us to all live in a 1 room BnB or hostel for God knows how long! WTF?! It makes no bloody sense, it really doesn't!!!

Londons empty properties are no good to the op if she can't rent one now tho