About to be homeless, life in ruins - please help!

[PanicStations2014]

Apologies for the over-dramatic title but it unfortunately describes my situation pretty accurately right now. I am posting here as it gets the most traffic (am I right?) and quite frankly, I need a kick up the arse! This will be long - sorry.

I am basically in a world of shit right now: I have been living with my (now ex) partner and in-laws since last Autumn, since we both got made redundant last summer and could no longer afford our rental property. I have only managed to find sporadic temp work since and exP was out of work for a staggering SEVEN months (unheard of for him), but has been in regular full-time work since February. It is still contracting though, so not 100% stable.

I have a DS of 12 from a prior relationship and a DD of 2 from current/exP, both living with us and both fantastic kids, truly. I am also almost 6 months pregnant, due to a spectacular contraceptive failure at the beginning of the year (no one quite knows when). We have all been sleeping/living in one average sized double room and sharing the kitchen and bathroom. Although in-laws have been very kind to welcome us and I am grateful for the roof over our heads, it has been a very difficult existence to be honest.

Upon discovering I was pregnant, ex-P tried to pressure me into getting an abortion. I was not thrilled with the timing of being pregnant myself but I just couldn't go through with it (I lost a baby 11 years ago at about 19 weeks - this may be why). Perhaps I was selfish not to terminate? I dare say so. As a result, ex-P split with me, saying he would "see and support the kid" but was fed up of all my disasters and was done with me. He has implied I got pregnant deliberately (not true)!!! So we have been living in the same house/ same ROOM since early April, as a separated couple. It has been a living hell.

Relationship with now exP has been quite frankly awful anyway since my pregnancy with our DD. He is very emotionally abusive and can be cruel. He has also been violent in the past but not for some time (I think his behaviour has improved now that DD is getting older). My DS is unaware of ex-P's behaviour, as he seems to hold it in for every-other-weekend when my DS stays over at his dad's. He does not yet know we have split. Hardly anyone knows! This is one saving grace.

Ex-P and his parents decided in June that they wanted me and the kids to approach the council to "get a council house" as they put it. They basically gave me a date to get out by (17th). I can't really blame them for not wanting to put up with this situation any longer, so I did. The council bargained for them to let me stay for 5 more weeks, on the proviso that I went out and searched for a private rental that accepts housing benefit (which they would then pay for, along with the deposit). I was relieved to hear that and set about looking high and low. I am not kidding when I tell you I have done over 800 miles in my car in just over a month!!! Every estate agent in a 50 mile radius must have my details and it hasn't been easy, being pregnant and trying to keep my toddler DD from getting fractious going in and out of these places. Most agents/landlords are not accepting DSS at all now, so a lot of these visits have been futile.

Never-the-less, I was offered just ONE property in all this time. It was slightly more than housing benefit were willing to pay (benefit cap) but my ex-P was willing to top up (so as to keep the kids nearby) and my dad agreed to be my guarantor. It was agreed in theory.

I found said property in the 1st of July. Myself and the estate agent kept in touch regularly and we continually phoned/emailed the council and in particular, the woman assigned to deal with my case every couple of days or so but she just continually outright ignored us both. It was only on the 17th of July, after I threatened to complain, that the council got back to the estate agent about letting me the property, by which point the landlady of the property had decided enough was enough and let the house out to a private renter. The day before. I am heartbroken - this was my only chance to get housed and they completely fucked it up for me - either by incompetence or corruption. I have kept a paper trail on the bastards though.

I have put in an official complaint, but the bottom line is that I have to be out of the house by Friday. (Was originally supposed to be today)! There is no one else that can take us in. The council have said I am to present myself to them on Friday at 2pm and they will put me in temporary emergency accommodation. But they warned me that this could be anywhere in the country and was unlikely to be nearby. Apparently the Midlands or up north is a possibility (I am currently in London). I have also been told that if I refuse the accommodation, that the council have no obligation to help me. Ever again.

I don't mean to be rude or ungrateful, but I cannot just up and leave my area! My son is at school locally and spends every-other-weekend with his dad and although his dad can't have him full time (he works mostly nights), we are amicable and I do not want to deprive them of a regular relationship with each other and I cannot afford to travel long distances if I'm up north. Despite my tense relationship with ex-P, I also do not think it's right that he should lose all access to his DD. I am under consultant care at my local hospital for blood issues during this pregnancy - what about that also?! This is the council's fuck up and now they've got me backed into a corner and are refusing to help me unless I pack up my life and do what they say! I have a life here and so do my kids - I don't mind moving a county or two out but 100's of miles away? No way! Why are they punishing us for their incompetence?! The outcome of my complaint won't even be heard until the 4th August, by which point I'll be gone! Here's the joke: it arrives in letter form! At what address?!?!?!

Please mumsnetters - what the hell do I do?!

It's not the councils fault!

Also a good newpaper heading - helps sometimes.

Pregant local lady made homeless due to council cock up.;....

Myself and the estate agent kept in touch regularly and we continually phoned/emailed the council and in particular, the woman assigned to deal with my case every couple of days or so but she just continually outright ignored us both. It was only on the 17th of July, after I threatened to complain, that the council got back to the estate agent about letting me the property, by which point the landlady of the property had decided enough was enough and let the house out to a private renter. The day before. I am heartbroken - this was my only chance to get housed and they completely fucked it up for me - either by incompetence or corruption. I have kept a paper trail on the bastards though

sorry thought it was?

There are pockets of outer London that would get you a place. Not the nicest but a roof over your head. Woolwich,plumstead common,thamesmead.

The landlady decided not to wait any longer.... It was a little over 2 weeks, that's all. not the councils fault

Yeah it kind of is the council's fault.

Everyone knows that rentals go very, very quickly, especially when they are quite specific in detail (so accepts HB, disabled access etc). The council would totally have known this.

It's the council not treating people as 'people' but 'items' needing to be shunted around and put in boxes. I understand they've got an impossible job as if they got emotionally involved with every case, they'd never be able to do their job, but this could have been sorted out easily and wasn't.

YY to SE London. Even as far out as bits of Croydon and Bromley. Is easy to commute to most parts of London, even if it's a bit of a trek; I live out that way and regularly work in what would be counted as North, East or West London and my commute is never that hideous.

it is so unfair. but there are no decent places in London - long term you might be better off moving to eg Lincoln - loads were moved there from Camden (?) recently, they love it now. Obv you shouldn't have t, but sadly, this is the situation. just look for the next best you can actually get

best wishes

This sounds very difficult.

The father of your DS, what are his living arrangements? Could you move in there for a bit?

Separately, I may be wrong but it seems that your in-laws have required you to move out so that you can try and get council accommodation or housing benefit? Now that's not going to happen immediately, can't you stay with them until this is resolved? Could your ex move out for a bit - perhaps stay with a friend? - as it would be in the DCs best interests not to move in to temporary accommodation miles away. I would really lay it on thick with your ex and the PILs re the dc's best interests

I used to work in housing legal advice and have dealt with dozens of cases like yours.

First thing is that you must present to the council on Friday as no one can do anything legally with where you might be placed. You must present and see where you are placed. If this is then out of London/in the midlands/whatever, you can then call for much more specific advice.

I don't know if people are aware but there are two shelter helplines. One is for fairly general advice with no follow up and one is for more personal and tailored legal advice, which is much more likely to be given by a legal professional. This is the one you need to phone. The number is 0345 345 4 345.

Please PM me if you need anything else.

Unfortunately, there is a finite amount of accommodation in London and it's ridiculously expensive. It's not anyone's fault really.

Are you sure your in laws won't extend your stay?

Can you get yourself to Waterloo tomorrow evening? There's a legal advice session at the Waterloo Action Centre, they specialise in housing and family issues, and they may be able to give you some advice.

Good luck with this. Hopefully its a case of fear the worst...anything else is a bonus.

What an awful situation for you. I'm angry for you.

OP I am so sorry to hear of your predicament. You poor thing. You have to accept that your situation is temporary, life has a funny habit of never staying the same. I think you may have to accept that you may be housed somewhere temporarily that's not exactly where you want to be. It will not be forever. I wish you the best of luck. Definitely call shelter.
I am saddened that a pregnant single lady with a toddler and older child is not treated with more urgency or compassion by the council. The sad lesson I've learned in life is that the only person you can rely on is yourself.

Either in laws and ex p will have to help or you will have to go where your sent or other family will have to help.

Tbh there is a possibility that you will get somewhere in london or at least a lot closer than the midlands. Ultimately they do try and put you off - i worked ina department closely related to the temporary housing team and tbh you wouldnt believe hiw many people suddenly werent homeless when they were told "well itll probably be in ", they reality was some were placed there but many weren't.

Also temporary accomadation can be for anything from a few days to over 12+ months - you just have to hope if youre further away than you'd like that you are one of the ones who get out soon.

You can try pleading extenuating circumstances due to your medical care at hospital, school and ex-dp but it depends what different people and circumstances they are dealing with on the day.

Do you have anywhere to stay for a few weeks OP?

Oh and when it comes to councils the nicer you are (especially after they have fucked up), and the more pleading whilst appreciating how hard there job is - the better you get from them (it shouldnt affect it but believe me it does!)

I would use the summer holidays to go where the council put you while making a MASSIVE noise to your local MP. If you are placed somewhere very far away (eg Birmingham) then I am sure that the newspapers would be interested if you wanted to go down that road.

What kind of partner turfs a heavily pregnant woman and their two kids out on the street. Sheesh. If I were him, I'd be moving out until you found somewhere.

Lots of luck OP x

I am so sorry to hear your story, only sad that i cant help or give any advice, but i am hoping things work out for you. Lots of problems with housing in london, selling off council property in the 80s hasnt helped at all ( just my opinion). I am sure your ex parents in law will not see 2 grandkids and you homeless.. Please keep us updated and wishing you lots of luck with everything. The advice above is good.

Sorry to read and run OP but for speed and support contact your MP and ask them for a supporting letter re: you staying in the area. Really hope this works out for you and good luck with the pregnancy

I would feel like you are regarding my DS too and how this would be unfair on him, that would break my heart so I am sorry for you that you're in so much turmoil with those feelings.

You say you've been split up since April? Why had you not been looking for a place back then and not just when the family of the ex has started to ask you to leave it probably looked to them as if you were not bothering, I mean, you were not bothering to look for a place until they finally asked you to leave / council told you to look for a place. Apologies if you had been looking from the start and I've missed it.

Time was running away, what did you think would happen? That you would head back to the overcrowded shared room with a new baby in tow?

The MP can only make sure the council are adhering to their policies and procedures, they cannot bump you up any list, shortcut you to a nicer property, better area, more bedrooms etc. The MP can only oversee that correct procedures and policies are followed, they may make the right noises, promise a few calls, a letter etc but they are not taken seriously in local government councils as long as correct procedures are being followed.

2 weeks is nothing sadly in regards to housing dealing with your case, what were you doing for 2 weeks when no one was calling you back? What was she doing to ignore you? Who was answering your daily calls?

It's easy to blame everyone else for stuff but I do think you could of helped your situation more prior to this. You don't know yet if you will be placed miles away, housing are not ogres, speak to them Friday (or before hopefully) and explain your case, they will try to accommodate you OP, they don't want your children living in a chaotic situation it's just that they can only work with what they have.

At the end of this crap, you will have a secure home for life if needed. It genuinely do wish you the best.

The landlady decided not to wait any longer.... It was a little over 2 weeks, that's all. not the councils fault

Disagree. Its nigh on impossible to get private ll to rent to DSS.

howmany has the op tried? she got this precious catch and the council couldnt respond for two weeks and the LL got fed up, she was probably already doubtful about her decision. having worked in a lettings office i know this first hand.

The MP can only make sure the council are adhering to their policies and procedures, they cannot bump you up any list, shortcut you to a nicer property, better area, more bedrooms etc. The MP can only oversee that correct procedures and policies are followed, they may make the right noises, promise a few calls, a letter etc but they are not taken seriously in local government councils as long as correct procedures are being followed

Op, you have nothing to loose, there is a housing crisis going on, its rare to find private LL, and the council should be aware of this and supporting you to get you off their hands.

MP's do make a difference and sometimes the council may be sloppy or slow on certain issues, if an MP office is bearing down on them, asking what's going on you can be assured, the top person in that office will look at your file. You have no idea what procedures they were or were not following.

Talking from personal experience having an MP On your side asking questions, is lots better than you on your tod being bullied and shoved around.

What kind of partner turfs a heavily pregnant woman and their two kids out on the street. Sheesh. If I were him, I'd be moving out until you found somewhere

Yes dreadful.

No one is "shoved or bullied about!" To approach them with that attitude will just mentally drain you even more. Believe it or not, they WANT to help you, your children being in this situation is a priority to them along with the thousands of others in the same situation. They want to help using the little resources that they have. It's not always apparent, it can feel like they are harsh, unreasonable etc but they will have strict policies and procedures to follow and they will be delivering a service based on them.

Absolutely contact your MP if it will make you feel better but a letter written up by a caseworker and signed by your MP will not bump anyone up a "list" or ensure you get what you want as opposed to what you need. They have no control or sway over a local council. Most MPs are in London until end of play on a Thurs and then some hold surgeries in their constituency Friday and Saturdays and leave the work with their case worker to deal with whilst they are in parliament , so maybe try and get an appt for one of those if you will feel better and more supported. That may be quicker.

Another option is to contact the councils councillor for your area, they will have a better voice on your behalf in the council, but at the moment there is nothing to votive against, you may hopefully get put in the home area that is better for the kids situations.