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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to still feel bad about shaming this mum a month later?

120 replies

DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 21:57

Perspective, please...

About a month ago I was at a beachside pub with some friends and our DCs. Lots of kids were splashing about at the water's edge mucking about together, me and friends were enjoying a (single!) glass of wine and chatting, occasionally looking over to all the kids playing about 5 metres away in the shallows.

Suddenly I heard a collective gasp go up around the whole beach. I looked behind me (towards the pub) and saw lots of shocked faces. Then I heard a child wailing, so looked back to the water and a boy aged about seven was standing waist-high in the water and sobbing, holding on to his arm. He continued to wail and everyone just sat there. He was holding his arm so painfully that I started to wonder whether it was broken, and he was still quite deep in the water. I looked about to see if anyone was claiming him, but no-one was. It was odd. So I said to my friends "well I'm checking it out" and walked down to the edge.

Once I got closer I could see he was okay and perhaps hamming it up a bit, I asked him if he was with any grown-ups and he just said "my mum..." and got out of the water, crying a bit less, presumably off to tell her about his arm. Nothing to worry about so I walked backp the beach to my spot. Hang on.
u

OP posts:
Owllady · 22/07/2014 22:25

Don't be silly, the old Neptune is a reputable pub
If the bun penny was still standing in hernia bay, then you might have had a point

mrstiggy · 22/07/2014 22:26

I get you OP. You think she (and everyone else) saw your helpful 'check up' on the kid as a pointed PA attack on the mum's action beforehand. When in fact you hadn't judged her at all as you hadn't seen what happened to him before. It was an awkward situation but nothing you can do about it now, and hopefully that made the mum think twice before doing something like that again.
Could your friend tell if it was a game that got out of hand or the mum overreacting? Not that it makes a difference now but at least if it was the second you may have given the mum cause to put a stop to her behaviour so that's a positive for you.

FidelineAndBombazine · 22/07/2014 22:26

Arf @ hernia bay

SauvignonBlanche · 22/07/2014 22:27

YABU to feel bad about 'shaming' the mother, it was not done intentionally. It would not be my primary concern.

mrstiggy · 22/07/2014 22:27

Sorry X post with my last question. Got distracted before I finished my post. Smile

FidelineAndBombazine · 22/07/2014 22:27

Devon you are being too nice. I've never recklessly assaulted one of my DC at times of stress, have you?

Original poster
DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 22:29

Ah I think I've worked out why I feel weird.

I might have appeared to some as a hero. I might have appeared to some as an interfering busybody. In actuality, I was completely clueless in front of hundreds of people in quite a charged situation.

And I know that if I had actually seen it, I would probably just have sat and quietly tutted/judged along with everyone else.

Thank you Mumsnet, I am now getting off the couch, how much do I owe for this analysis?

OP posts:
Passmethecrisps · 22/07/2014 22:29

I get it. Mum was having a mess about probably and maybe it was more of a push. I cannot imagine that people would react badly to OP checking the boy was ok had he been caber tossed into the sea by an effing and jeffing mum.

Maybe now is a good time to ask about my parent shaming as well? I still worry and it only involved rancid chewing gum and some felt tip pens

scarletoconnor · 22/07/2014 22:31

I know this is a serious post but Some of these responses have had me in stitches I would especially lile to thank Judy for spraying my phone with tea when I saw your post and burst out laughing

Original poster
DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 22:31

Exactly, MrsTiggy - "a pointed, PA attack" is exactly what it would have looked like - especially as other parents on the beach chimed in as I walked back up.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 22/07/2014 22:32

it is very wrong of me I know, but I am finding this thread very funny

I can imagine all the Hmm faces and scratched heads at your keyboards

< disclaimer : I do not think throwing children in the sea is a laughing matter >

ALittleFaith · 22/07/2014 22:32

She could have been crying for all kinds of reasons. Not because you showed her up. Maybe she was hoping to break her child hurling record and failed?

pictish · 22/07/2014 22:34

Oh dear - she must have been mortified! I have accidentally hurt one of my kids during rough and tumble myself, so i know it can happen.
Your (well intentioned and innocent) interference would have drawn attention to her gaff, which she will have felt just awful about anyway. That will be why she defensively took her embarrassment out on you.

Of course, there was no excuse for her effing and jeffing at all.

Forget about it - you meant well, and she was a bit of a troll. No worries. xx

usualsuspectt · 22/07/2014 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pictish · 22/07/2014 22:35

Oh and when I say 'hurt on of my kids' I don't mean broken bones or anything serious...just an ouchie.

HaroldLloyd · 22/07/2014 22:35

Let's play a game son, your a javelin and I'm Fatima Whitbread.

Yeah I can see how it might happen.

Shockers · 22/07/2014 22:35

Edam, the girl's mum was a different story completely. She collapsed as though someone had hit her in the back of the knees. That was the point that I began to shake and couldn't stop. She was upright , so the lifeguard hadn't spotted her in a busy pool. When I grabbed her, just her fingertips were above the water. She recovered on the poolside, then was whisked away by the lifeguards.

thereturnofshoesy · 22/07/2014 22:37

i am still trying to see the scene
mum throws child into the sea.
child is waste deep. so they she must have been strong

was she very strong lookingConfused

edamsavestheday · 22/07/2014 22:39

Thank God you were there, Shockers.

Original poster
DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 22:39

You are all making me laugh too Grin thank you.

I kind of hope the mum is reading this and perhaps realising that, on the day she judged herself mercilessly after a very public fall from grace, the person who triggered this self-reflection was in fact an absent-minded soul whose youngest was annoying another family with his inflatable crocodile

OP posts:
usualsuspectt · 22/07/2014 22:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 22:42

The sea bed drops off sharply in that spot. Uzzz locals know this. A family on holiday wouldn't. That's why he was in so deep.

I should have explained that earlier, sorry Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 22:43

Yes it's a Devon pub, will reply to PMs Grin

OP posts:
TooOldForGlitter · 22/07/2014 22:48

This is so the ferry boat inn in Shaldon. I know I was forever chucking my kids in the sea from the beer garden when there.

Original poster
DevonCiderPunk · 22/07/2014 22:50

Shockers good for you, that sounds much more of an emergency.

OP posts: