To think that all the amazingly good and gifted parents out there should thank me

[HoneyDragon]

And my cohorts.

Without us, the slightly inept who do the best we can, you'd not be able to enjoy feeling so superior.

Without my ability to tread on my children, make bad decisions in the heat of the moment and regularly failing to look in the direction I'm meant to, and merrily sharing my failings, be I'm just making you guys look better.

And you are all very welcome.

Oh and for those of you who don't have dc and are in committed relationships, I'm a terrible spouse too.

You are, however, an exceptionally good Extractor of the Urine!

Not just mine, sometimes other people's too.

Children are quite easy to tread on.

They're so small.

I don't think you tread on them as such, they just materialise under your feet.

Could you maybe dye them brighter colours to make them easier to spot?
I recommend bright blue.

Blues good. Blue works, no danger of it coming off unexpectedly.

They move quickly too

Unless they're boys, and therefore lazy. Or girls , who aren't physically active and sit around doing crafts or having tantrums all day. Boys are little terrors though and always running away, while girls are hampered by having to collect their skirts.

You can't dye girls blue! They will get gender disorientated!

Fit them with bells? Mine never actually shut up unless they were unconcious so it wasn't really an issue. I have also totally failed to capitalise on their natural superiority and G 'n' T-edness. DS1 said it rather well - apparently I'm a Bumblebee Mother in that I buzz round aimlessly doing no harm to anyone! I honestly have no idea if I should resent that or not!

If you let them on IPads you don't tread on them. Fact.