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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Can i leave my spoilt dc at home

135 replies

Lestagirl · 18/07/2014 23:04

Due to goves policies on school attendance we've had to lower our sights on holiday. We got away this year on the fact it was pre booked prior to the rule changes.

So we've booked a cheap deal to Spain next year and they are kicking up a fuss, I want to leave them behind. Ungrateful sods.

OP posts:
Rokenswife · 20/07/2014 08:40

My Uncle (who is Spanish) and aunty run a small tapas bar / cafe up in La Nucia which is just down the road from Benidorm. It's lovely!

Can DS and I come instead of DCs? I'm very close to my aunty and due to money problems on both sides, she and DS haven't met yet and it breaks my heart. :(

SanityClause · 20/07/2014 09:11

Did you book this with no input from your DC?

I mean I do see that they are acting like spoilt brats, but did you not sit them down and explain that this year the money wouldn't go as far,and provide them with options?

For example, we usually book an apartment or villa. An apartment with a shared pool close to the sea may be a similar amount to a villa with its own pool, but a fair walk, or even drive to the beach.

We show them both, and see what they think.

This sort of thing gives them a say in where we go, and shows them the thought processes and compromises needed when considering any purchase.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2014 09:14

Roken if I win the lottery, I'll send you first class to see your Aunty

SanityClause · 20/07/2014 09:20

Gosh, BOOP, evil stepmother alert! Wink

Ledkr · 20/07/2014 09:34

I think it's idd that people are surprised at young teens still holidaying with their family.
Mine came with us until about 18 when they wanted to go alone.
Now some of them are adults we often end up with one or two of them on a holiday, they are my children, I like their company why wouldn't we enjoy some time together?

ExcuseTypos · 20/07/2014 09:52

Same here Ledkr

I also agree with backbystealth, these teenagers aren't brats they're just teenagers!

I remember to my shame moaning about going on holiday with my parents when I was 17. My lovely dad said "you're coming with us and you'll enjoy it, whether you like it or not"Hmm Grin

I did enjoy it too!

insanityscratching · 20/07/2014 09:56

I have an 11 year old and four adult children, We still book the same sort of accommodation as we did when they were all younger as at least one or two of them (with partners too) decide to join us every time. I'm glad they want to spend time as a family with us tbh. We book a long weekend every year to take youngest dd by herself though.
OP I would be telling your dc they can either put up or shut up because otherwise they won't be going and you will arrange for them to spend the time with very boring very strict relatives away from their friends.

pictish · 20/07/2014 10:16

I agree Ledkr.

And aurynne I have to say your posts have been somewhat sneering and superior here, sorry. Why on earth would anyone seek an invite into a strange family's home while on holday?! It's not a selling point - truly.
I understand completely why you feel empassioned into highlighting that Spain has far more to offer than concrete resorts with a full English on every corner, but your suggestion of learning some Spanish and going home with the locals is a bit full on. They want a relaxing week in the sun, not a haughty lecture on how they ought to conduct their holiday according to you.

As for you berryanne - how unpleasant. These are kids who are used to what they have always had. That's not their doing you know. I agree that there are lessons here for them to learn, but your assessment of them as "ungrateful, rude idiots" followed by "maybe you should spend the holiday time, you had booked, parenting your brats and teaching them how to have manners, before they're inflicted on the rest of adult society" is jawdroppingly rude! If you said that to the OP's face, she would justified in smacking yours. You're a fine one to talk about rudeness and lack of manners aren't you? Those are her kids you're insulting there, along with her parenting. How would you like it if someone spoke to YOU like that about your children?
Here's a clue - you wouldn't. Behave yourself ffs.

NoodleOodle · 20/07/2014 10:49

Even if they don't realise it themselves, part of their disdain might be due to peer pressure. I agree with the PP who says to explain it to them as staying near Alicante, that way they can tell their friends about the lovely holiday they're going on without loosing face The mere mention of Bendiorm has adults on MN turning their noses up, so I can imagine it's even worse with entitled (as they sometimes are) teenagers who need to look 'cool' to one another.

Offer them the choice of staying with GP if they REALLY don't want to go but, I expect they'll just settle into it and enjoy it once they're there.

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 20/07/2014 11:02

Poor OP. It's a rare teen who never has a self-centred bratty moment, but it is so upsetting. Sleep on it, and tell them to get some fucking perspective and/or stay home. Don't tell them to see if they could have done better with your budget, because sod's law will mean that they'll find something on the internet that they think is much better, but it's too late now, and then they might be even worse.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 20/07/2014 11:02

Totes derailing here, but has anyone been to Nerja (not far from Malaga)?
Is it nice?
We have the chance to stay there cheap-ish in February, and can fly from our local airport. Havent been abroad since having dc, and only ever been to Lanzarote in Spain , which I hated! (I was 16 and there were a lot of pervy men)
I do speak a bit of Spanish though. Can't drive, so I won't be hiring a car. It'll be flight to Malaga, bus to Nerja, no wandering around and getting myself invited into peoples houses Grin (Although I probably would do this as I am v. nosy..)

Iownathreeinchferrari · 20/07/2014 11:48

I would give them a choice - either be thankful and go with you OR stay at home and run the house. You can give them a two day sample of what it will be like to run the house (cooking, chores, boring aunt)

NickiFury · 20/07/2014 11:48

I've been. Really liked it. We stayed just outside though between Torrox costa and Nerja. I found it not quite so Brits abroad as other places, quieter. My favourite ever jewellery shop is in Nerja, right near to the "Balcon De Europa" (google it) which is well worth a visit too.

Didier Borgeaud. Beautiful stuff in there. I bought a necklace in there for about 25 euros, 4 years and wear it daily. Really lovely quality.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 20/07/2014 14:57

Oohh, thanks NikiFury. Quiet is good. Love jewellery too, so may window shop there!

zeezeek · 20/07/2014 15:30

I grew up in a holiday resort in the UK.....can't say I ever had any tourist looking to come into my home....just as I have never gone to some strange person's home. All sounds a bit weird to me.

shockinglybadteacher · 20/07/2014 15:31

"Even if they don't realise it themselves, part of their disdain might be due to peer pressure. I agree with the PP who says to explain it to them as staying near Alicante, that way they can tell their friends about the lovely holiday they're going on without loosing face The mere mention of Bendiorm has adults on MN turning their noses up, so I can imagine it's even worse with entitled (as they sometimes are) teenagers who need to look 'cool' to one another."

True (I don't think the OP has the most entitled teenagers known to man, she's got teenagers and that is all) However you slice it though this is an extreme first world problem - "I'm going on a foreign holiday to what is regarded as a rather downmarket resort. How can I explain this to my friends?"

It's not Mummy and Daddy's responsibility to ease the teens into this shocking situation. If it really is so terrible that they will lose face forever, they can lie or they can not go.

BitOutOfPractice · 20/07/2014 16:17

Aurynne judging by the amount of bebackpacked Spanish teenagers crowded into Trafalgar Square, texting in their phones, you would realise that it's not only Brits who fail to get acquainted with the native culture when they go abroad.

aurynne · 20/07/2014 20:37

BitOutOfPractice, you mean there aren't British teenagers texting on their phones on trafalgar Square?

NickiFury · 20/07/2014 20:42

I find it quite Hmm that you object to that particular stereotype Aurynne when you have done nothing BUT stereotype and look down British people going on holiday to Spain throughout this thread.

aurynne · 20/07/2014 20:46

I honestly had never heard that a stereotype from Spanish tourists was that they texted on their phones on Trafalgar Square! I assumed teenagers from many countries text on their phones everywhere.

NickiFury · 20/07/2014 20:49

But you did object to it only being applied to Spanish teenagers didn't you?

PolyesterBride · 20/07/2014 20:57

I also agree that the holiday aurynne described was a completely different holiday to the one that many British people want to go on. The main reason many people go to Spain is because of the weather and the beaches - I don't think most people are that interested in the culture and the local food. Especially not families - they want somewhere where they can relax and have fun on the beach / in the pool. They don't really care about the Spain you describe. (I appreciate it must be annoying though!)

As a teacher of international students, I can assure you that it is not only Brits who travel abroad and have no interest in the local culture or food. Most of the Chinese students I know make no effort to learn about Britain.

ithoughtofitfirst · 20/07/2014 21:14

My DILs took DHs younger 2 brothers to California one year and they complained about everything. My personal highlight was that they were scared their rental car would be something 'lame' but it was something satisfactory in the end like a massive Chrysler or something. Thank heavens!

I did go to north Wales as a child. It was a long journey... from south Wales. I had a whale of a time it was awesome! Old fashioned trains n shit. Happy days.

EverythingCounts · 21/07/2014 01:39

Whether or not the daughters here are typical teenagers, I would still be telling them their attitude was disappointing and entitled. YANBU.

aurynne · 21/07/2014 05:59

Nicki I did not object to anything, I just expressed my ignorance about that stereotype.