Inlaws and Xmas

[Yourhonestopinion]

Just want honest unbiased opinions please.
Been with DH over 8 years and have 1 year old baby. We see my family a lot I work with my dad and my mum helps put with looking after dc.
We don't see dh family as much his parents every 3 weeks or so for a quick cuppa and his sister very rarely she's seen our baby about 7 times or so all when we've arranged to go over etc.
Now we've always took Xmas in turn one year we have my family next his, this year will be is families turn to come over (we haven't invited them yet though) but I'm thinking this seems unfair to me they don't really bother with us all year then rock up at Xmas when is rather be spending it with my side. I think I will get flamed but it just doesn't sit right with me

If I saw my in-laws every three weeks I'd feel as though we were living in each other's pockets. Funny old world, innit?

same here

My parents see their other GC (my nephews and nieces) far more often than they see my DC. It doesn't bother me at all.

They live 1.5 hrs from DSis and 3 from us. BIL has no parents and they both work long hours. We, otoh, have PIL close by who will drop everything for us to help out, should we need it. My parents are more the 'we'll happily do it if you ask us but it would never occur to us to ask' type. I know they are trying to make it fair for us, since DSis has no one else to ask.

Is it possible there is this kind of setup?

I think YABU. Your inlaws have done nothing wrong and your taking away a very special time, gc at xmas and they don't stay little forever. IL's do see you on a regular basis, you see your parents all the time they can cope with one day a year!

You don't know if perhaps they feel a little pushed out given your close relationship with your parents and I always think its sort of natural for daughters to be more involved with their families. Have you tried involving them more?

Are your SIL's children older? Some people don't "do" babies, but get much more involved when they are older and more "interesting" - my mum virtually ignored my DD until she was about 2 (as in she would come round for a whole day and not pick her up or play with her once), but then couldn't get enough of her once she could start playing with her properly.

How much of an effort do you make to see your in-laws? You mention them coming round every 3 weeks (and I'm with other posters, that's a lot by lots of people's standards!) but you never mention going round to theirs. If you really want your baby to get to know his GPs you have to faciliitate it and make an effort too! I am wondering if your in-laws are feeling pushed out by your constant time spent with your family, and don't know quite how to change the dynamic. Have you ever asked your PILs to look after your baby, or even take him out for a walk for an hour or so, or do you always default to your own mum?

If your going to plan for Christmas in July make it more than just one day!
DH was fed up with us not being invited to his parents for Christmas even though everyone else was. So we started inviting all of his side on Christmas Eve. Then we either have my parents on Christmas Day or Boxing Day and visit my sister Boxing Day or the day after.
It spreads out the present giving for my DC and makes all the effort and planning a bit more worth it IMO.

Aaaah I've just booked a holiday that excuses us and our will be 8ish week old baby from all family dinners, midnight mass, and having to sleep on blow up beds.

Feeling pretty smug about it tbf.

I'm sorry if this is long winded but I mean well Op;

Op, you need to stop comparing what your pil do with their dd's children in comparison to your dc otherwise it will eat you up and have a negative impact on your marriage.

You mentioned that you haven't spoken to you dh about it, you are just running it over and over in your head, driving yourself mad and becoming more resentful, that is not good for your mental health.

Every three weeks is good even if it is only for 30 mins, believe me. Maybe your pil need to be asked and are trying not to thread on your toes too much?

It seems to be a problem with il's for most people are: either the il's drive them mad by being around too much/not enough or spending too much time with one lot of gc over another lot.

It's not easy but for you/your dh/your marriage's sake try to be fair about it whatever way you do it. The main thing is that everyone is in good health, in good form and around to spend time together especially at Christmas. Your dc is lucky to have all gp alive and well and can get to know them, not everyone is so lucky.

Snubbing your pil just to get them back for not spending equal amounts of time with all their gc, will only cause a rift. When your dc is older, it would be nice for them to have nice memories of both sets of grandparents spending time with them, it is quality over quantity. Your dc will lose out the most if you start excluding your pil, especially if your pil are not even aware of what the problem is.

It is not always easy but do your best :-)