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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think that this is the biggest insult to have recieved?

57 replies

gwhappylife · 15/07/2014 14:59

I honestly don't think I'm exaggerating by calling it a huge insult but I was in the middle of cooking tonight's dinner. For those who don't already know, my MIL is Nigerian and only eats Nigerian food which I try to cook to a Nigerian standard.

Anyway, I was in the middle of preparing the stew to cook the jollof rice and my(DH's) cousin knocked on the door with hollow rice and fish stew in her hand. Obviously it was in containers, and said "my mum cooked this for your mum, she told me to drop it off to you as she's so busy but your mum wanted this? I'm just the messenger"

I said thank you and wished her a lovely rest of the day but when I shit the door behind me I couldn't stop my jaw from hitting the floor.

aibu to find that to be a huge insult? She's been staying here for over a week now, so it's not like it's the first day.. even if it was it's still rude but my goodness!

I'm in the kitchen cleaning up, I've frozen the blended stew and ilk cook if some other time but the chicken is on the oven and what am I expected to do with that now since my(DH's) aunty cooked fish for MIL.

I'm so angry.

OP posts:
Original poster
gwhappylife · 15/07/2014 15:01

pleas don't mind my spelling mistakes. I was typing rather quickly

OP posts:
FindoGask · 15/07/2014 15:02

Sounds like it could have been better handled, but wasn't meant as an insult? Obviously your husband's aunt should have let you know she was planning to send some dinner round, but perhaps she thought she was doing you a favour since your mother in law is a picky eater.

Igggi · 15/07/2014 15:03

You can't please some people. Trying so hard to please her will just lead to heartache.

FindoGask · 15/07/2014 15:05

Also, if the dinner the aunt cooked is in containers, surely you can just bung it in the fridge until tomorrow, and carry on with your own dinner plans for tonight.

myusernameis · 15/07/2014 15:08

Could you freeze the fish stew or finish cooking the chicken and then offer a choice of either and then store the leftovers?

I think maybe the fact the aunt brought round after your mil has been there for a week was because she didn't want to step on your toes but thought after a week maybe you could do with a hand. It really doesn't sound like she meant to be malicious to me.

Original poster
gwhappylife · 15/07/2014 15:14

I think it was MIL's reaction that got me so offended "great, did she pack the drinks to go with it?"
Me: checks she did indeed.
MIL: fantastic, put it on the work top.

OP posts:
nicename · 15/07/2014 15:15

I'd be ordering pizza.

It's very nice of you to cook the food for a guest but sheesh, refusing to eat 'funny forrin food' is just rude. I'm all for 'when in Rome' and will try just about anything (withing my pesky vegetarian diet).

puntasticusername · 15/07/2014 15:16

"Your mum wanted this"? As in, your MIL has been complaining to your aunt? "I've been stuck here for a week now eating gw's food - she tries very hard, but it's just not the same. What are you having tonight? Ooh, that sounds nice...will you have any left over...you couldn't get cuz to pop it round here, could you...".

Is that what has happened?

ajandjjmum · 15/07/2014 15:16

OK MIL.

We're off out to eat tonight - enjoy your stew.

nicename · 15/07/2014 15:18

Although I do cook when my bil and family come down and stay with mil, and I take it over.

But that's because our place is too small to host a big family meal and I want to save her cooking loads of meals for her guests. She is a better cook than me anyway!

Lweji · 15/07/2014 15:21

I'd be making all sorts of non-Nigerian foods from now on.

Original poster
gwhappylife · 15/07/2014 15:21

puntas I have no idea what the conversation they had entailed but it must have been something to do with not liking my food.

it's fine anyway, I've given up trying

OP posts:
diddl · 15/07/2014 15:23

Perhaps MIL should cook if yours isn't good enough for her!

myusernameis · 15/07/2014 15:24

Ah so she packed drinks as well! That's pretty cheeky then, it does sound like they have spoken about it. I think you make a great effort from the sounds of things, you're more accomodating than a lot of people would be. I'd still let this one go, I don't think it's worth getting into an argument or anything over.
Tomorrow I'd be very tempted to serve up something really low key... Like sausages and chips.

nicename · 15/07/2014 15:26

Has she been eating the food ok though. What does she cook you when you go to hers?

OwlCapone · 15/07/2014 15:28

Is it perhaps that she loves the way her sister (?) makes that dish and that's why she asked her to make it...?

Lweji · 15/07/2014 15:28

Perhaps MIL should cook if yours isn't good enough for her!

Yes, take her shopping, then ask for her help and play dumb and let her do all the work.

Somehow my MIL was expert at doing this (playing dumb), even though I never even remotely complained when eating at hers.

AiringDirtyLaundry · 15/07/2014 15:29

Ugh, I have my fair share of experience with MIL and FIL's fussy eating and rude behaviour. The gigantic bottle of Gaviscon regularly appears on my kitchen counter for all to see whenever I make something that doesn't agree with them.

It doesn't sound like the aunt was trying to be unkind, just the opposite. It's a dangerous precedent when you give in to rude house guests, unfortunately I've made that mistake several times! But if you feel the need to stand your ground, stop pandering to her rude requests. House guests should be happy to be fed whatever they're given, otherwise they should treat you to a meal out as a thank you for letting them stay. The more you give in, the more she'll expect you to!

FruVikingessOla · 15/07/2014 15:30

Um, it does sound a bit tactless as you'd been making such an effort.

But, OTOH, perhaps it was meant kindly? Maybe you are meant to eat both the chicken stew and the fish stew in the same evening? Is that part of Nigerian culture to mix different types of food?

Or, as a PP said, maybe the fish stew was brought round to you so that you could have it for supper another night - thus saving you the effort of cooking?

Original poster
gwhappylife · 15/07/2014 15:36

AiringDirtyLaundry it's an easier life for me to just give in otherwise I get DH putting me down about it in bed later.

Maybe it was an act of kindess, but even so, it would have been nice if I was informed about it earlier.

OP posts:
Lweji · 15/07/2014 15:37

I get DH putting me down about it in bed later.
Why?

Shouldn't he cook for her, then?

AiringDirtyLaundry · 15/07/2014 15:40

gwhappylife - that's quite sad, it makes things much more difficult if you don't have DH's support. but I totally get that there are some things worth fighting for and other things need a compromise. Making meals in a certain way is not the end of the world, frustrating as heck, but remember - she won't be in your house forever! Wink

PorkPieandPickle · 15/07/2014 15:43

I get DH putting me down about it in bed later.

Well go out for dinner on your own and leave them both to it then. Sounds like they deserve each other.

FruVikingessOla · 15/07/2014 15:44

But it's quite commonplace in different countries, cultures or societies for relatives (various!) to turn up with food for the 'honoured visitor'. I don't think it's perceived as an insult at all, but 'the decent thing to do'.

I'm not sure why your DH would be castigating you for this later Confused

nicename · 15/07/2014 15:45

Is Nigerian food nice? We had nigerian neighbours. It didn't smell very nice but then I suppose they probably thought my cooking honked too!