To wonder if 'free spirited' is a euphemism for 'spoilt unruly brat'

[Vintagejazz]

Twice recently I have heard children being described to their parents as 'free spirited' ie 'oh Emily is a real free spirit isn't she'?
and then been told privately 'oh my God you should have been at that wedding. Emily is an absolute brat'.

Just wondering if this is now a common term used to politely tell parents that you think their child is an annoying, unruly little pest?

I worry sometimes about how people perceive DS1. He is a thunderbolt that goes from zero to gear six in the most dramatic fashion. You can't give him any wiggle room. He is far "more" than most of his contemporarieshas been since he was a tiny colicky babyand it makes me sad to think that people might consider him a brat or me a crap parent. He's really smart, just about to turn three and can recite Beatrix Potter stories word for word. He has a few sensory issues but autism has been ruled out. He's tough to parent, but definitely comes under the "spirited" umbrella.

stopgap I wouldn't worry. I think people can usually see quite clearly which are the parents struggling to control a very 'spirited' child and which are the parents murmuring about little Tallulah being very 'free spirited' as they sit back and allow her to tear around the place driving everyone mad.

I agree with Vintage and the quirky child.

I happen to love tree hugging hippy children who may be seen as a little unusual by some if its something thats within their own character rather than behaviour they have been taught because the parents want to portray a particular image.

The world needs free spirits.Man.

Peas and love xxxxx

My English and sentence construction is shite though.

Exactly thatbloodywoman.

Of course there are some children who are naturally creative, quirky, struggle to conform or fit in, are a bit vague and disorganised when it comes to timekeeping and the rules and structures of school or whatever.

But that's hugely different from kids who are either deliberately encouraged to do what they like with no limits or boundaries; or who are lazily parented and their consequent behaviour excused by said lazy or inadequate parents as being down to their 'free spirited' nature.

Bookaholic .Your screen-name reminds me of another of those verbs:

My child is an avid reader.

Yours is a bookworm.

That one over there is idle and ought to get his/her nose out that book and get some healthy exercise!

I don't usually use the term free spirit, but if I did, I would use it to describe a child who is refreshingly unencumbered by external manipulation to behave in an unnatural way. I wouldn't use it as a euphemism for 'brat' (a word I only use to describe adults anyway).

There are some very free spirited kids hanging around our communal bin sheds at the moment. Some are up on the roof, some are swinging out of the door at full pelt nearly taking it off its hinges, and some are inside making alarming crashing and banging sounds.

The poets, actors and artists of the future, no doubt

YANBU. My DC are generally well behaved but the other day at MIL's DD1 was being a horrible little brat: I was really embarassed. MIL started going on about how she should be allowed to be a "free spirit" and how I was being completely unreasonable to tell her to stop demanding that MIL play with her (MIL was still eating), and either wait patiently at the table for pudding or go and play. Then DD2 started demanding MIL take her to the toilet (no no no no no NOT mummy!!!!) and she started again when I told her no, let grandma eat and I will take you.

I think this term is usually something used by parents to excuse their child's bad behaviour and the parents refusal to set any boundaries 'oh Rainbow is such a free sprint we let her hit and bite other children so she can express her emotions'

I am now wondering whether in life I have done the right thing when raising my children. I definitely didn't want them to be brats and think in retrospect that I have probably overdisciplined them as they are now overly compliant. :(

Maybe i should have let them be more "free spirited" as young children and they would be more confident and outgoing now rather than being walked over and overlooked and never pushy.......

Maybe there is some middle ground here, but perhaps these undisciplined unruly children will be the confident entrepreneurs of the future? Probably still couldn't resist tripping one of the little shites up as they run past though :o

My DS has been described as a few of the phrases above. My particular favourite is 'challenging', i always laugh and say 'you surely must mean naughty?!' I never describe him as any of them tho. I don't actually describe him as anything really - i'm too busy chasing him or retrieving him from somewhere he shouldn't be while people look on pityingly

I am a childminder and I get emails from parents asking about my vacancies.

One email read something like

Bob and Sue are true free spirits and we want a childminder who isn't boundary obsessed and who can allow them to continue their free range childhood. We don't believe in the word "no" as this creates negativity, we believe anything is possible and we want a childminder who will work to our beliefs.

Funnily enough I had no vacancies.........

Round here 'free spirit' means just that, generally a happy child with a good imagination, likes to do their own thing and doesn't always follow convention. Generally a bit hippyish.
The common term for badly behaved kids with no boundaries, filter or discipline is 'spoiled brat'.

stopgap my DS1 is the same and I often have the same worries. I've found the book 'Raising Your Spirited Child' very helpful. I expect much derision now for even reading a book with the 's' word in the title

Count - certainly not - I have the same book .

My DD is spirited and I am thankful- children will need gumption to survive in the future.

My DD is certainly not a brat.

Nicki yes there are certainly are some vicious and judgey comments going around.

Am so glad iv raised my DC to have some understanding.

So what if a child is challenging anyway?!

If a child has inability to regulate behaviour,or play appropriately,or bites,or is prone to tantrum
Then its a very big so whatIt impacts at school or nursery,affects social groups
Challenging simply isn't a so what. Wearing wellies all day,not liking fish fingers..these are so whats

Oh dear, ElectricalBanana, they don't believe in 'no'? I bet their kids are a joy at school.

I liked all of electricalbanana post esp free range childhood.pooping outside and eating grass

Oh well, I have just given a group of the local children a bollocking for hitting their balls (football, rugby and then a fucking baseball!!) on my car......none of them are used to being told "no" and they looked at me like I had two heads - strangely they managed to figure out what it meant when I said it a few times and raised my voice. I'm probably not flavour of the month now as I explained that they were most welcome to go and play with the balls down by their own houses/cars. I followed it up shortly after by pointing out that my front garden doesn't have a public footpath across it either!

Given that we live 200 yards from a large school play ground and about 500 yards from a play park and football pitch, it's not like there isn't plenty of free space for them to play in.

Don't think I'll get any comeback from the parents though as they dislike confrontation to the point where they don't tell of their children in case it makes them angry or unhappy

If they are happy to front up and pay for any dents to my car then they can carry on with their principles. In the absence of that then I'll carry on doing their job for them.

I might describe my youngest as "free spirited". In her case it would translate to "often found singing to ladybirds and mysteriously lacking underpants."

Nannyplum No one is anti creative children who don't conform to the norm. We're talking about a modern phenomenon where 'free spirited' seems to be used as an excuse for badly behaved children whose parents set them no boundaries.

No idea why you're being so defensive about this.

I would say being "spirited" and "being a free spirit" are totally different.

For me, "spirited" = doesn't do as they are told, wilful.

"Free spirit" = does what they like, unaffected by trends or social convention.